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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About insisting my ex husband does not take our daughter to his market stall all day?

28 replies

Rhiannon272 · 07/04/2013 19:11

My ex husband has recently decided to become self employed and has started a market stall. He insists that he cannot take time off work during the school holidays to care for our daughter, but has just taken a week off work to go on holiday with a friend. I work full time as he does not support our daughter financially at all.
My childminder is on holiday during the May half term and I asked my ex husband to have our daughter for 2 days. He declared that he would have her on his stall with him for one day as he cannot take time off work.
I do not think that a 7 year old should spend all day outside on a market stall - am I being unreasonable?
This is not the first time he has done this; but in the past I have made alternative arrangements as he would not change his position.

OP posts:

Greythorne · 07/04/2013 19:12

We-ell. I think it's not ideal. But if I were setting up a new business and had no spare cash, I would probably do the same.

SanityClause · 07/04/2013 19:14

Why would it not be suitable?

She'd probably quite enjoy it, I would've thought.

She could help him with the stall, do a bit of shopping at the market, meet the other stall holders, that sort of thing.

I used to love going into my dad's work when I was that sort of age.

HeySoulSister · 07/04/2013 19:16

In may? Why ever not? She might enjoy it!

Tee2072 · 07/04/2013 19:18

She'd probably have a great time!

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 07/04/2013 19:19

It's ok, really. I used to do it! My DS has done too, with his dad. Lots of traders have their kids with them. As long as she has things to entertain her and isn't cold.

Thisisaeuphemism · 07/04/2013 19:19

I used to do it. It was fun. When it got boring I'd sit in the van read a magazine and eat cakes.
Ex dh sounds like a tosser but I don't think this is a particularly bad idea.

LooseyMy · 07/04/2013 19:20

I used to spend most school hols at my mum and dad's shop, and for about a year before I went to school! I quite enjoyed it in some ways. There wasn't any choice!

mrsminiverscharlady · 07/04/2013 19:22

My dd would absolutely adore doing that. Wrap her up warmly and send her with some other stuff to keep her occupied and she'll be fine. It's not as though she's doing it every day.

pansyflimflam · 07/04/2013 19:22

I think it would be good, the weather could be nice by then ,wishful thinking> and as long as he's not selling dildos or hash pipes I cannot see the problem. A day of dirty burgers, coca cola and buying tat from other stalls would be great

macdoodle · 07/04/2013 19:23

At 7 she can go to any of the numerous holiday clubs going. My XH let me down last minute and my CM was on holiday last week. I rung one of the clubs and they luckily had space on the day I needed. It was cheaper than my CM charges for a holiday day. She needed a packed lunch but they gave her brekkie and tea. She had an absolute ball and preferred it to CM.
She's only 5 in reception.
I try very much not to depend on XH as he is less than reliable. I would suggest the same.

Goodadvice1980 · 07/04/2013 19:23

OP, does he refuse to pay maintenance then?

ihearsounds · 07/04/2013 19:23

He might need to check with the inspector. Our office used to complain about children being on the market, threatened to take my license. The kids really enjoyed it though, not that I took them all together and that often.

VBisme · 07/04/2013 19:23

She'll have a great time, let her go.

littleducks · 07/04/2013 19:26

My bil has done stalls at various venues, from car boots to festivals (he sells food). It is a bit if a family thing, often sil took kids along now they are bigger my nephew has gone alone. When they were little they used to take garden toys and play, when they bigger they would go exploring if it was a suitable venue.

I would find it a bit boring day in day out but do t think two days is a big problem. Like someone else said if worse goes to worse she can take a book or homework and do that in the van.

thistlelicker · 07/04/2013 19:26

Why are you so against her going? Does he maintain regular contact?

Viviennemary · 07/04/2013 19:30

It's not ideal. But I don't think it will do any harm. If she was a tiny baby that would be different. But she might even enjoy helping.

Skybore · 07/04/2013 19:53

YABU! But I don't know the situation with your ex. i.e. if you trust him, or are worried she will be ignored for long periods etc. Or that you are angry/jealous that he was able to holiday with a friend, and so on. These things matter.

Years ago my MIL used to do a market stall several days a week. My two loved going to 'help' her. As I remember, it was always an early start so they used to stay over and go with her in the morning, stayed there all day, loved it, made them feel very special! They didn't go together as two might have been a bit much, but they took turns during the hols. They talked about some of the characters there, ate some questionable snacks from the stalls, got lots of laughs from other traders etc. They still mention it 10 years later!

KobayashiMaru · 07/04/2013 20:06

I don't think you have any right to insist what he does with his daughter when he has her.

AnyoneforTurps · 07/04/2013 20:09

It sounds like fun - I would have adored doing this at 7.

I can understand why you are frustrated with your ex if he does not support your DD financially but, as Kobayashi says, it's not up to you to dictate what he does with her if he has parental responsibility too. Unless there is some safety or health issue you haven't disclosed, YABU.

fuzzypicklehead · 07/04/2013 20:23

It depends on your ex, really. I'd happily take my 5yo along on a market stall day, as I know she'd love it. The 3yo, not so much. What does your daughter think about it?

SirBoobAlot · 07/04/2013 21:25

Depends what kind of market it is, and how busy it will be. I take DS with me when I'm covering my friend's shop sometimes, but the markets we have done are just way too busy, I wouldn't take him.

If it's a week day farmers market type set-up, then I don't see the problem. Weekend or external market, maybe not.

Patchouli · 07/04/2013 21:27

One day?
yabu

RedPencils · 07/04/2013 21:36

YABU.
Wrap up warm, take a book if it gets boring. She'll have a fab time.

I can understand why you're pissed off about the holiday and financial contributions though.

fallon8 · 07/04/2013 21:55

She will love it.and will want to go again...is that the real problem?

Shakey1500 · 07/04/2013 21:59

I agree that it will probably be fun for her. Like proper playing shops (I'd say that if it was a DS as well btw!)

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