If your child HAS to be the best in everything, is that not setting them up for a fall?

[Manchesterhistorygirl]

Just thinking out loud, but I'm sure there's one of these at every school. The child who is the best at everything, reading, writing, dancing, swimming, athletics, numeracy, breathing, walking, etc.

You know who I mean the child who's mother makes them do every extra curricular activity they can find those that the popular parents offspring do who brag about their amazing child's abilities at very moment in real life and on faceache, etc.

Is it just me that thinks its bloody unfair on the child? They are never allowed to just be average at anything and are pushed yelled at by the pushy parent to always be the best, even to the extent of the parent lying about, and being caught out doing so, of their child's achievement. Surely the child is going to rebel at some stage. Aibu to feel quite sorry for the child and hope they can break free of the expectation of the parent to excel in every facet of their life?

I expect to be flamed, so away you go.

I don't know if it sets them up to fail. My parents were neglectful but I ended up at oxbridge. However, most of my friends, private and state, had high grade music, some drama experience and were good at sport or ballet. They'd had parents that had encouraged all around skills and had excelled in many areas. I'd have loved the chance to develop some of those skills.

There's a huge difference between a parent who supports and encourages their children and a 'pushy' parent.

I want to give my children opportunities to discover passions and I will support and encourage them to be the best that THEY want to and can be. Isn't that what every parent wants to do for their children? They don't have to be the best. If they are the best I will be the proudest parent in the world, of course, but that's not what is important.

I was good academically, I was good at music, I was very good at sport, but I wasn't the best at anything. My mum pushed me to be THE BEST, not the best that I could be. Because of that, I always fell short of her expectations and that made me feel bad about myself. My mother was pushy and she took away the enjoyment I found in my passions because of it. I do not want to do that for my kids.

I am a teacher. The children who are the best at everything always have the most relaxed parents. Children of pushy parents are insecure, lack confidence, worry about getting the 'right' answer, do not take risks, do not think independently, and do not thrive academically at all.

Nobody can be the best at everything. It's a ridiculous thing to try and push onto your child, I agree. You should (I believe) encourage your children to do the best that they can, in all that they do. And if that means they get a D rather than an F in French, say, then that's fine. Just try your best and well done you.

Even if you are a gold medal Olympian you are probably going to discover at some point in life that someone else has a better singing voice - or is better at Art, or topped your A Level Physics grade. It's just ridiculous to think you will always be the best in your school at every single thing. You won't. There will always be some fecker who turns up speaking fluent Japanese when you haven't even started on the language yet...

This may be slightly off topic, but a lot of the children in my dd's class (Y3) are over scheduled without any evidence of a particular talent. She attends a mainstream state school in a reasonably affluent area.

I completely support developing talent where it exists. I also support providing opportunities; My daughter swims once a week straight after school, learns an instrument (in school time but will probably go after school in September) and attends drama on a Saturday morning. These times work because they don't mean going out to a class at 7pm or late bedtimes or weekends taken up with activities.

I don't think she has a particular talent in any of these areas but I encourage her confidence at speaking in front of groups, ability to swim well and chance to learn the piano as I had no such opportunities.

Most of the other girls attend far more classes than this; ballet, judo, tap, kumon maths. As a result, they are virtually never available for actual 'play' or just 'hanging out' being kids.

Also, they go on holiday during every school break. Most of them are abroad right now, skiing, in the canaries or the USA.

I find it incredibly sad that these children, ferried about in big cars, spare time scheduled for them, will never know the pleasure of playing outside in the street, making dens, making mud pies, skipping with ropes and playing hopscotch, pushing dolls in prams ( have you tried to buy a dolls pram for a child over 7 these days? It's virtually impossible).

I also find it sad to see my daughter lonely during school holidays because everyone else is away. We are fortunate to have a week in Cornwall at whit and holiday to France in the summer but I don't feel the need to fill every school break with a trip abroad. I can't afford to anyway, but even if I could, I would much rather my children were tearing around the garden with their friends.

I know of at least one child in her class who's parents have disposed of her toys and bought her quite grown up things to replace them (hair dryer, perfume).

Another was almost prevented from attending my daughters birthday party because she had a tai Kwan do exam.

In my opinion, a child's brain needs to develop through play, exploration and adventure. I am encouraging this in my own children, I just find it so sad there are no other children in our area to share these pursuits with.