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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH is being a baby, isn't he?

13 replies

quesadilla · 07/04/2013 08:54

DH has a bad back. This is genuine (his work involves pulling large amounts of heavy metal about.) he said it was bad on Thursday afternoon but still managed to both make it into work Friday and go out for a few drinks with his mates so it wasn't bad enough that he couldn't move. He gets the lie-in Saturday, I get Sunday. So Saturday he sleeps until about 9 then gets up to drink coffee/go to the toilet/potter about before going back to lie in bed with the TV on. No visible indication that he was in too much pain to be able to move about normally. DD goes to an art/craft class thing Saturday so we left, leaving him a further three hours to sleep. When we returned at 12.30 he was still asleep. DD went for a nap so he had a further hour and a half. When he finally surfaced at 2 I was up to my eyes making a late lunch for DD. I asked him if he could change her and wash her hands before lunch and he refused on the grounds that his back was too painfu (he normally is pretty good about sharing nappy duties.) I lost my rag and he has been in a major sulk, saying I don't understand how physical his work is. Was I BU to have told him he was being pathetic? I don't get particularly bad backs but surely to be painful enough not to be able to change a nappy you would have to be flat on your back?

OP posts:

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 07/04/2013 08:56

I'm pregnant and changing nappies is agony! I have to get dp to put ds2's on at night as bending to do it hurts so maybe changing her is painful.

verytellytubby · 07/04/2013 09:01

I'm with him. I had a bad back last year for the first time and bending over was agony. Also if he's pretty good most of the time, his back must really hurt. It's not really a big deal to make lunch and change her nappy as well.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 07/04/2013 09:04

I think YABU. A bad back can be agony and it is important he get better for work.

Would you say either you are usually this unsympathetic or he is usually the type to try to get out of doing things? If he has a tendency to skiving home jobs/child care I can understand but otherwise I think you are beng harsh.

AThingInYourLife · 07/04/2013 09:06

I would be very wary of exacerbating a bad back, particularly if his work depends on him doing heavy lifting.

Until he's feeling better, maybe share the jobs so he doesn't have to do anything that puts a strain on his back.

OHforDUCKScake · 07/04/2013 09:17

If he is usually very good at changing nappies then surely this is genuine?

Original poster

quesadilla · 07/04/2013 09:34

The back is genuine alright. He is pretty good at domestic stuff on the whole. But he is prone to sleeping to an extraordinary degree at weekends even when his back is OK. Maybe it's the Protestant work ethic or something but I am a bit revolted about the idea of sleeping until lunchtime. Sometimes I tolerate it, sometimes I try to get him up, but yesterday I bent over backward to make sure he didn't have to do anything except relax and sleep. I just felt resentful that he couldn't just do one little chore for me.

OP posts:

MrsHoarder · 07/04/2013 09:42

Could you have asked him to finish making lunch whilst you saw to it then? Give him the option of the chore that is easier on his back.

Original poster

quesadilla · 07/04/2013 09:46

I did MrsHoarder and he said he couldn't do it. I just felt that if his back was bad enough that he couldn't change a nappy or chop a potato he shouldn't have gone to the pub the night before.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 07/04/2013 09:48

If his back is so bad he needs to stay in bed til 2pm and can't change a nappy then he needs to be seen in occy health.

What's his long term plan re work?

AThingInYourLife · 07/04/2013 09:48

Well that seems reasonable.

Also, long periods lying down are probably not the best thing for it either.

ENormaSnob · 07/04/2013 09:51

Oh so it's too painful to do any chores but not painful enough to miss a night out?

Taking the piss.

MammaTJ · 07/04/2013 09:51

Quite frankly, it is all the lying in bed making his back worse.

He was really fine on Friday to go out for a drink but staying in bed till 2 pm made it bad.

Original poster

quesadilla · 07/04/2013 09:54

ENorma he has always done physically demanding, outdoor work. He loves it and hates office work. Also would have great difficulty transferring to white collar work now. And by and large I support this: there is plenty of work in his sector and its reasonably well paid. But I do find it frustrating that it basically takes him a whole day at weekends to get to the point where he is physically rested enough to do anything with us.

OP posts:

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