to be grumpy that DH falls asleep on the sofa while I am putting the kids to bed?

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

OK - first AIBU, and not an equal roles question really. I put the kids to bed 5 nights a week, but DH does 2 nights (I work on those evenings so he is home alone with the kids, he works full time, office hours. I am home with 3 kids in the day (the youngest is nearly 2 and home full time).

My AIBU is really that on the nights he puts the kids to bed, he is awake when I get home from work about 10pm, but on the nights I put the kids to bed he is almost always asleep when I come down - even on Saturday, when he hasn't been to work and has had the lie in (I get the Sunday lie in). Bedtime does take ages as the youngest takes a very long time to settle, but it means that on the nights when I actually want to stay up a bit, because I have a lie in coming my way the next day, I am in this weird limbo - don't have the place to myself but don't have his company either, as he is asleep on the sofa.

I probably am BU I guess, but as I came down from an hour and 3/4 of sitting in the dark in the 2 year old's room to the sight of him asleep sitting up, and as he snores like a hibernating bear on the sofa opposite me I feel resentful - AIBU?

Maybe I'm missing something?

I see no problem at all, if you are at home with the kids 5 days out of 7 and he is working full time then yes YABU.

You get the sunday lie in, which for me is a deal breaker ;-)

Maybe it's because I'm a working mum, I would love to be a SAHM and would happily do all the things this entails but I can't afford to, he is more tired than you, it's that simple.

Personally I would just discuss it with him and see if you can work something out so you are both happy. It's not rocket science?

MrTumbles, we live rurally and it is always an effort to go out. But next time the dc are away just do it.

It doesn't have to an evening, we often used to go for a bit of a wonder, a lovely long lunch, sometimes go to the cinema, then home for a bottle of wine and bed. It means you have a lovely day out, rather than just a night out.

YABU. It's a slippery slope, getting annoyed or resentful about things like this. Next you'll be annoyed about his lie-in.
Putting a 2 year old to bed though, why 2 hours?

My partner often falls asleep on the living room floor. If I want to do something with him, I wake him up - simple. If not I just enjoy having the remote to myself for an evening.

You also can't expect him to stay up late just because you get the lie in the next day.

MrsBombastic I actually don't think he is more tired than me, as our toddler is up at least 4 times a night, often more, we get up at the same time in the mornings Mon-Fri, and I deal with all the night wakings. I have the Sunday lie in - he has the Saturday lie in (his choice of day, I don't mind as long as I get one of the 2). Not alternating lie ins at the weekend would be deliberately choosing to be tired... Very much appreciate the luxury of being able to stay home though - we couldn't afford it either when my eldest was born so I became a child minder, then when expecting no. 2 it was a big factor in favour of moving abroad - where we live now sahm is the norm, its very traditional, and anyway the school day is mornings only, so hard to do otherwise.

Excuse yes, you are right, worth making more effort when they are away.

Wheredo I'm pretty sure I won't be annoyed about his lie in, we have one each and agreed it. It just takes 2 hours to put the 2 year old to bed - before that if left he gets up and howls, and walks around. Not meaning to start a sleep thread, he's my 3rd so I know its not "normal" and have tried all the standard solutions and sought help etc. but this is where we are atm - and it has been a whole lot worse previously.