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AIBU?

To think it was insensitive to have said this about my post baby body and be a bit upset??

96 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 06/04/2013 19:25

I had a c section 3.5 weeks ago.
My SIL has just come round and gone on and on about ow I 'still look five months pregnant' and how this 'didn't happen' with her after her c section.

:(

She kept looking at me from different angles and saying, 'it's just really weird, your tummy still looks pregnant!'

I would have told her (politely) to bugger off but I was too upset to get into it so just left the room.

.i am sleep deprived and have struggled with eating disorders and body image issues previously (SIL knows this) and feel very sensitive on this matter.

I am now worried that I have got totally wrecked stomach muscles from the c section and that they will never be normal ever again :(

Could it be my uterus not contracting down yet?? I haven't been able to breast feed (Been feeling rubbish about this too... SIL also knows this...) and so wonder if my tummy is still protruding from sticking out uterus. Possible??

I probably do look v pregnant still, I am overall quite skinny but do still have a big bulging tummy. I had been feeling better about it these last few days as I thought it was improving and now I feel really really shit.

sIL not known for her sensitivity but this is a bit much. I may just be hormonal and tired but I feel rubbish now and just want to hide away because I feel like a freak.

OP posts:

Report

Fishandjam · 06/04/2013 21:25

Ooh, missed the bit about colic. BIG hugs on that score, colic is the pits. DD had it for ages and I thought I was losing my mind. It's so stressful. You need to be extra kind to yourself if you're contending with that and not anywhere near that unhelpful insensitive bitch of a SIL

sapphirestar · 06/04/2013 21:26

My sis's tummy took ages to go down after both cs, mine was instant after natural, although kinda like a deflated balloon!

Now her dc are 1 and 4 she looks amazing, mine is 4 and I do not!

Ignore her, who on earth says that to anyone, let alone a new mother who is still probably a bit hormonal and a member of the family?!

Congrats on your new baby

StealthPolarBear · 06/04/2013 21:27

Oh this is so normal. I was upset that I couldn't leave hospital in my trousers - not my pre pregnancy size tens (I wish) but the maternity trousers I'd been wearing at seven months!
Your sil sounds like a cow

K8Middleton · 06/04/2013 21:28

She's vile. Did she have her compassion and common decency removed when they did her c-section?

If you feel up to it next time she goes on about how skinny she was post birth fix her with a look and say "actually I remember you being quite bloated looking for a long time afterwards. Months actually now I think about it".

You will slim down eventually. You didn't grow that baby overnight so you won't shrink back overnight either.

Ignore the cowbag for now and practice your aloof look and a withering "I really don't think so" for next time she comes out with some crappola about you or your baby.

jackstini · 06/04/2013 21:34

This is definitely one for the MN classic question "did you mean to be as rude as that came out?" follwed by a silent stare.

She needs to get a TKN mindset:
Think. - is it...
A True?
B Kind?
C Necessary?
If it hits 2 out of the 3 you can open your mouth. If not, zip it.
Have found this works as a pretty good rule of thumb, she might want to take note

Am joining you in a white

changeforthebetter · 06/04/2013 22:08

Sorry to hear your SIL is a twisted cow. It says a lot about her. I hope the wine was good!

pigsDOfly · 06/04/2013 22:47

Oh fgs. Your SIL sounds delightful. Please don't let her upset you like this and don't tell her she's upset you; if she's a bitch, which I suspect she is, she'll be pleased her remarks hit the spot, and if she so tactless she didn't realise her remarks would hurt then there's no point in telling her because she's obviously too stupid to understand.

In case she says anything again, have a reply prepared. I don't know your SIL but I can state categorically that her abdomen was not back to normal after 3.5 weeks after a cs.

You've had major abdominal surgery, your body needs to heal. Ignore this horrible woman and enjoy your lovely new baby.

emeraldgirl1 · 06/04/2013 23:17

Thanks MN, I am really overwhelmed by such lovely comments and good advice. I will re read in the morning when I hope I will feel a bit more human... If I can get some sleep...!

OP posts:

shellbu · 06/04/2013 23:29

what a bitch , talk about kick you when you are down .

seriouscakeeater · 07/04/2013 00:00

Tell her to piss off! If she says it looks funny again say " so does ur bleeding face now get over it " Xxx

reneaa2 · 07/04/2013 00:14

How horrible! I couldn't forgive her for saying that.
Please don't worry, she sounds like the unusual one (although it sounds like she is lying anyway and just being nasty)

Fwiw my pregnancy, vaginal birth, breastfeeding all were completely textbook and I still looked pregnant until around a month and then my belly was still much bigger than usual for many months afterwards. Still needs a bit more toning nearly 2 years later but it is not a priority right now.

Also it is pretty normal to be in maternity clothes at this time as well!

You aren't meant to be worrying about this at all yet so stay away form her and don't invite her around. Speak to your midwife/gp for reassurance and advise as well.

spiritedaway · 07/04/2013 00:17

she is a nasty bitch but check if you have separated abdominal muscles. . mid wife casually mentioned it to me also saying i now had the baby and the bump

Illustrationaddict · 07/04/2013 00:28

I reckon she's jealous that you have a beautiful newborn baby and so the focus has moved away from her baby, so she's being rude to you in a childish attempt to focus negativity onto you. Petty, bitchy behaviour. Rise above it, what a cow bag!

Illustrationaddict · 07/04/2013 00:35

Not sure if this is helpful, but I just read about your babies colic. A few of my friends found learning a bit of baby massage really helped with colic. Maybe worth finding a local class? good luck

thezebrawearspurple · 07/04/2013 00:41

You poor thing, the first few weeks after birth are so emotionally vulnerable, it's hard to stand up for yourself because you're so exhausted.

You're sil is a nasty bitch, don't bother with politeness toward her, tell her she's no longer welcome at your home due to her rudeness. Don't let her anywhere near you until you feel healthy and strong enough to stand up to her bullying and tell her to fuck off. When in a few weeks/months, you are up to being in the same vicinity as her be sure to say something like 'oh sil you've gotten such deep lines around your eyes/gained so much weight/gotten jowls since I last saw you'

Btw, you're stomach is probably still swollen, it can take a few months to go back to normal. So please don't worry yourself, you're still recovering from major abdominal surgery and it's early days yet!

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 07/04/2013 00:42

What did your brother say?

I think I'd have told my brother to take her out of my house because if he didn't I couldn't be held responsible for my actions!

Stupid fucking nasty cow.

Please don't let her set you back. Tomorrow is another day and you have a georgous baby to cuddle! I hope her colic settles soon - it is unbelievably draining dealing with a colicky baby :(

KatyTheCleaningLady · 07/04/2013 02:15

You know, 9 months post-partum is about the time I could really start to shift the weight. Most of it just melted away but I did do a bit of exercise (walking) and spent a couple of weeks eating less junk food.

My abs did do that separation thing and it took a while for them to mend. Running and walking helped a lot with that. Just being more active.

I have never had a ED and so I can't really address that in any meaningful way, but I hope that you can get help with that. It's normal to be bummed about having a belly post-partum, but there is a difference between that and feeling really shitty because you have issues with your body image. I am so sorry that this fucking bitchface has triggered this shit for you.

Bartlebee · 07/04/2013 02:28

Gosh what a cow.

Everyone is different post partum. I lost my bumps immediately so looked slim but in reality, I was left with a tragic empty pouch that I could swing from side to side!

Most of my friends had the gradually shrinking bump scenario, much less alarming imo.

HorryIsUpduffed · 07/04/2013 10:25

How are you this morning, OP?

What a sour cow SIL is. She probably was just the same as you - it is amazing how soon one forgets, and how soon the swelling does retreat. I still definitely looked pg at about 3m pp and will never lose the jelly belly I don't think. But I have my children instead, who are a zillion times better than washboard abs.

You are quite rightly concentrating on your new baby. Don't have people round you who make you feel like shit.

Also, three weeks pp is a bad time for hormones more generally, and recovery is still very early. Remember that in generations gone by you would only just have been released from the maternity hospital; in other cultures you wouldn't be allowed out of bed yet, section or no section.

elinorbellowed · 07/04/2013 10:46

Please don't feel insecure about your body. It is wonderful and beautiful and it supported your gorgeous baby for nine months and will continue to do so. I was huge for months after my first c-section , not least because I could barely walk, let alone exercise for weeks. I have only just returned to my pre-pregnancy weight this year, 6 years after my first baby.
Your SIL is a bitch. She sounds like one of those women who can only make herself feel good by criticising other women. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I would be tempted to go along the lines of "Isn't it fabulous to not have to worry about my weight for a while, I have a really good excuse for it now! You know my history, and so I'm sure you can understand how refreshing it is to not care for a while."

I hate to add a negative note to the conversation, but when I was breastfeeding even a sip of wine made my DC colicky. It may not be the case for everyone, obviously, but worth thinking about.

MrsCosmopilite · 07/04/2013 10:53

Feed baby. Jiggle baby. Give to SIL to hold. Hope baby vomits on SIL?

Tell her to fuck the fuck right off

Ignore, or use the classic "Did you mean to be so rude?"

I was swollen for a while after my C-Sec but things did settle down. If you are naturally slim then any bulges of this kind will look worse, particularly so to you, as you'll have a birds-eye view.

And do not try to diet. Just let your body heal, and regain strength. Then you'll be strong enough to punch her in the face

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