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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that SAHP's being called morally pernicious is jugely judgemental?

75 replies

flaminhoopsaloolah · 06/04/2013 10:57

Not trying to start a bun-fight (though it is AIBU) but is it ok for working parents to point the finger at SAHP's choices and question their morals?

OP posts:
LibertineLover · 06/04/2013 10:59

do they?

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 11:01

Who's said it?

FreudiansSlipper · 06/04/2013 11:04

I have seen far more posts along the lines of well I want to bring up my own kids blah blah blah

I personally do not know anyone who looks down on sahm with young children, I know a few including myself who question why once children are at school they do not want to work or go back to education and/or have no desire other than to be a sahm

gorionine · 06/04/2013 11:04

Where did you see that?

TheChaoGoesMu · 06/04/2013 11:06

Where did you hear that?

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 11:10

Googling it just brings up this thread and nothing else.

Not trying to start a bun fight my arse Grin

LibertineLover · 06/04/2013 11:11

flamin ?? Care to elaborate?

Original poster
flaminhoopsaloolah · 06/04/2013 11:12

I've just been told that deciding to have a parent stay hat home is "morally pernicious" and wondered what others thought about this? I've done both, BTW, think both have advantages and disadvantages and it's all down to personal choice and no one has the right to judge what a family decides is best for its members.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 06/04/2013 11:14

Who told you? and in what context?

Original poster
flaminhoopsaloolah · 06/04/2013 11:14

I'm sorry Zigzag - you think I am trying to start a bunfight? I really am interested in opinions. I do realise that it could be a sensitive subject but am hoping for a rational discussion without going down the line of who is better than whom and all that nonsense...

OP posts:
LibertineLover · 06/04/2013 11:14

Well whoever said that sounds a bit of a dick, it's not unusual for one parent to look after the child/children they have surely?

PicaK · 06/04/2013 11:14

causing harm or death to morals??!!

random. step away from whoever said that. quickly!

Mumsyblouse · 06/04/2013 11:15

Who told you that? (if it's Xenia, I am not surprised!)

I don't think this is a common thing to say or to see on these boards, that's why I won't be discussing it.

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 11:15

Who said it to you flamin?

It's an unusual conversation filler.

Just tell them 'both have advantages and disadvantages and it's all down to personal choice and no one has the right to judge what a family decides is best for its members'.

Or to fuck off, whatever suits.

HumphreyCobbler · 06/04/2013 11:16

Whoever said that is being silly. It is not a view I have heard on here.

tilder · 06/04/2013 11:17

Calling anybody morally pernicious is pretty offensive and certainly not justified for being a sahp.

I have been called similar for working despite having children. Tis a heated issue and a lot of people seem to think working or not working when you have children makes you fair game for all sorts of unpleasant comments. Is almost always aimed at women, often by women.

Original poster
flaminhoopsaloolah · 06/04/2013 11:17

Holly - in the context of whether a family choosing to have a SAHP is morally pernicious or not.

I currently am an SAHP, I personally don't think it is lazy or morally pernicious.

OP posts:
Casmama · 06/04/2013 11:18

It's not judgemental it's total fucking nonsense and I will be amazed if you find anyone who says differently. I wouldn't give this a moments further thought.

CecilyP · 06/04/2013 11:18

You still haven't really given the context, flamin.

HollyBerryBush · 06/04/2013 11:19

But who said to you that it was morally pernicious?

BruthasTortoise · 06/04/2013 11:21

I've personally seen much more judgement about WOHMs. The implication on SAHMs is that they may not contribute financially, the implications for WOHMs is that they don't love their children and are happy for someone else to raise them. I know which I would consider to be the harsher judgement.

Original poster
flaminhoopsaloolah · 06/04/2013 11:22

The person I was talking to feels that people who choose to stay at home are lazy and morally pernicious - I'm' not going to use someone's name on the internet, I don't think that's really relevant. They work, hard by the sounds of it, but I don't feel that gives them the right to judge someone who is in a family situation where one parent can stay at home and chooses to do so because they feel it is doing the right thing for their children.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 06/04/2013 11:25

who told you this OP?

I don't think I know what morally pernicious MEANS [puzzled face]

pernicious means harmful, wicked; it's obvs not a compliment, arf

BoysAreLikeDogs · 06/04/2013 11:28

oh sorry x post

yes ok to say an acquaintance/friend/relative or whatever rather than give their identity

well I say you should give this person the Order Of The Boot

unless of course you are in your turn giving out about the perils of not Being At Home for your children and Why Have Them.

jellybeans · 06/04/2013 11:28

I personally don't care what people say. I am a SAHP. I may though wonder if they are happy with their own choices..