Re dp and the window cleaner

[2blessed2bstressed]

When we moved into this house 4 years ago the window cleaner knocked on the door and introduced himself, said he'd done the windows for the previous owners and that "his" round included most of the estate that we live in. All fine, and I have no complaints about his price or the cleanliness of the windows.
However, there is something about him that makes me really uncomfortable, I am not a woo person at all, but the hairs on the back of my neck prickle whenever he's about, and I just get a sense that he's a really not nice person....who is always polite and pleasant, but I can't get away fast enough and would never let him in the house.
I have told dp this (have never felt like this about a single other person, and there are plenty of folk I just don't like), and he said I was being daft.
Yesterday, window cleaner was here to do windows and dp stood outside chatting to him for ages, asked him for a quote to paint the garden fence - a new sideline apparently - and came back in to tell me that wc knows lots of the people at ds2s activity he attends a couple of times a week, and is looking forward to seeing ds2 there next time he's about.
Aibu in being really pissed off with dp, for a) offering window cleaner more chance to be about our house and garden in the full knowledge this makes me very unhappy, and b) giving him details of our and our dcs personal lives and whereabouts on different evenings?
Also - quote for painting fence was ridiculously high, dp said "no chance are we paying that, it's extortionate". I arrived home just as window cleaner was leaving, so I said to dp "did you tell him we didn't want him to do the fence?" Dp replied that wc had asked him about it, and he told him that he'd seen it lying on hall table, but he didn't know if I'd looked at it yet. Wtf?

I assume the lessons that you have learned there snowyskies is that you make sure your back door is locked, especially if you are upstairs. Last time it was the window cleaner - next time it could be anyone!

No now I have a big dog who wouldn't let anyone in the garden. Problem solved. And no he didn't do anything, it was just that he felt entitled to wander in my house.

God what is it with creepy window cleaners!
Mine used to have his overalls unbuttoned quite low to show off his chest even in the cold weather!
He also used to inform me he was still married although him and his wife didn't get on, accompanied by a
I got rid although I still see him as he cleans the windows where I work,but I can avoid him there.
I wouldn't have wanted him working in my garden tbh.

YANBU, you should always be careful to listen to your gut instinct and you need to get it through your husbands thick skull that it's not acceptable for him to be giving information of your whereabouts to this man who creeps you out. It's potentially dangerous.

No problem with following your instincts (though dont get why you still have him come to clean your windows?)

But you have no right to expect other people act on your instincts.

YANBU to feel creeped out by him. Sometimes, you just feel that way.

YANBU not to want to pay someone to paint your fence.

However, YwouldBU to think your DP shouldn't chat to him and/or to gossip about how he is 'creepy' to neighbours who employ him. He is a nice man just trying to make a living, as far as you know.

I don't think it is weird that DP discussed the children with him. When I went to buy a sandwich at lunch the lady asked me was I doing anything nice this weekend and said she was taking her kids to see their grandma. I don't know her from Adam. She is just friendly.

I also think this situation is different to snowy in that your WC was clearly not nice, as it is not nice to look through your windows, comment on your stuff, comment on your appearance - that not 'nice and polite' at all.

You see, if my wc creeped me out like this DH would listen to me, take my creepedoutness seriously and we would not have the wc anymore. DH certainly wouldn't be passing the time of day with him or offering more work.

Strange that your DP has done this - is he making a point of some kind do you think, 2Bleessed?

No, I don't think he's making a point, and I'm not really sure what kind of point it would be anyway?
I think what I'm going to take from this is that instinct is possibly based on perceived threat - and maybe there is no threat to dp from this man. Maybe there is no threat to me or dcs either, but my perception is different.
I have never even suggested that I would be discussing my feelings with neighbours or anyone else, so wc is not going to be subject of any gossip, but he certainly isn't going to be painting the fence.
I asked dp how they got on to the subject of ds2s activity and he told me - dp does like to chat, and manages to find some common ground with pretty much anyone - but in the process gives away much more about himself, and us, than I tend to.

No trust your basic instinct! I had this feeling with a customer a couple of weeks ago, after only engaging in convosation for a few moments I was literally backing out of reception with my arms crossed over my chest whilst speaking to him. Honestly can say I haVe never ever felt like that before. Tell him to get lost!

YANBU. Feeling uncomfortable around someone for reasons you can't put your finger on is a key part of the 'tricky people' personal safety lessons we should all be teaching our DC. Have a look here and ask your DP to do the same: safelyeverafter.com/tips.html

Dp has said he will tell wc that his quote is too high, and we don't want him to paint the fence. We had a wee blether about all this and dp still thinks I'm being a bit funny about it (as do many of you, so fair enough), and we've agreed that wc will still do windows, but dp will make sure it is him that goes to door and pays him when he comes to collect money.

I don't think you can reasonably expect your DH to cut this guy just because he makes you non-specifically uneasy. Nor do I buy this stuff about instincts always being right: "instincts" (otherwise known as first impressions are not always right which is why people end up being falsely accused of stuff they haven't done. Your DP is an adult and you can't veto who he talks to.
Having said that your DH was both silly and a little insensitive to you to actually share personal details with this guy so YABU on first point but YANBU on the second.

He's looking forward to seeing your dc at the activity? That alone would make my flesh crawl . And quesadilla, I would expect my DH to respect my feelings about something like this; he's the flaming window cleaner, not his best mate.
Your DH sounds like a lick arse who wants too badly to be liked.

I think you should trust your instincts and that your DH should have borne in mind your feelings more carefully. He may not feel the same as you, but you're the one having to deal with him on your own. YANBU!

I don't see why the DP should feel obliged to fall into line with the OP's feelings without question though molly. Just because he gives the OP the creeps doesn't mean the DP has to feel the same. Imagine if the roles were reversed: the OP had a (female) friend of whom the DP arbitrarily disapproved: we would all be saying what a controlling bastard he was. I agree he shouldn't hand out personal info to a near stranger but everyone seems to have convicted this guy on the simple basis that, basically, the OP has an irrational prejudice against him. I am just saying the OP may or may not be right but to require the DP to go along with this without question seems a bit harsh.

Dislike him and don't use his services - fine.

Dislike him so much so that you are pissed off your dp engages him in conversation, yet still have him come and work for you, for years! - weird.

How far are you willing to take this "feeling" OP?

When your DD goes to this activity will you be saying to all that go there that he gives you the creeps?