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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset (very) about two SILs talking behind my back like this.

14 replies

havingamadmoment · 04/04/2013 22:35

First of all I am not normally easily offended, I have been with dh 13 years and have never had any sort of disagreement or argument with any member of his family. I tend to prefer to keep the peace.

Today I found out from Dhs sister who I trust to be telling the truth that the wives of two of Dhs brothers have been chatting to all and sundry about how we don't look after our kids properly, apparently we force the oldest one (who is only 8 btw) to care for her younger siblings amongst other things . Not true. I am spitting with rage that they have been gossiping and bitching about the way we care for the children. It's probably the one thing they could have said that really makes me angry.

Dh however, thinks I am over reacting and has basically said "don't rock the boat". I'm supposed to ignore it to avoid arguments.

I want to make a fuss About this. As I say in 13 years I have not caused a scene about anything even though perhaps I could have had cause to but this has made me angry.

AIBU to think I shoudnt have to let this go?

OP posts:

Ouchmyhead · 04/04/2013 22:53

I was fuming when I found out my SIL had been bitching about me, whilst putting on a happy aren't-we-friends front (about my wedding and my health of all things). I am not the type of person to let this lie, so I don't think you are being unreasonable! I'd confront them, and ask them what they have been saying, with an air of 'let's get this sorted' though and not 'let's cause an argument'. They're still going to be in your life!

It worked well for me, but I did have my fiancé's back up. We just went round and asked her what she had been saying, why she felt the need to say it, why we were upset and why she was upset. It was awkward for about a month but we are back on track now. It helped going with support, and with the focus on sorting it out and not just having an argument with her.

thebody · 04/04/2013 22:58

Well your Dhs sister is a shit stirrer as well.

How horrible op, I would tell your dh to sort his family out.

Footface · 04/04/2013 22:59

Depends what you want to do?

Original poster

havingamadmoment · 04/04/2013 23:02

I just wanted to speak to them and ask them about it mainly. Dh says that this would cause a major family rift since SILs are very easy to offend and that I should pretend I didn't hear about it.

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 04/04/2013 23:15

If anyone says anything just assume a really, really sad expression, lean in to them confidentially and whisper "oh dear, and they said the syphilis wouldn't affect her brain for another year or so" and look sad
That should do the trick

RunsWithScissors · 04/04/2013 23:23

PomBear that is brilliant. Keeping that one in mind for future. If not to actually say, then to think silently and chuckle to myself.

Snoopingforsoup · 04/04/2013 23:31

Cheeky so and so's, I'm outraged for you OP.
Don't just rock the boat - bloody sink it! Definitely confront them about this one.

Snoopingforsoup · 04/04/2013 23:31

As for DH, it's his family causing the rift - not you!

Snoopingforsoup · 04/04/2013 23:33

As for DH, it's his family causing the rift - not you!

Snoopingforsoup · 04/04/2013 23:33

Oops, sorry! Twice...

thezebrawearspurple · 04/04/2013 23:43

I would say something, these types become as bad as they are because nobody ever stands up to them for fear of 'rocking the boat'. Stand up for yourself, tell them you've heard the nasty lies they've been spouting about you and never want to waste another second with their vile, lying, toxic, pathetic little selves. Then avoid, they are dead to you, be open with the rest of the family as to why you will have nothing more to do with them. Then make sure everyone knows what liars they are. Any time you hear someone saying 'oh x says,...' you're response should be 'well x is a compulsive liar, who just makes shit up because her life is so empty'.

Stay away from family events where they'll be and be clear why, state to the entire family that if those bitches (or anyone else) ever says a bad word about you in front of your children, it will be the last they ever see of them.

If you want to be a total bitch you could spread rumours of their dh's cheating on them. I would.

Moominsarehippos · 04/04/2013 23:50

I love the way they are shit stirring but if you call them on it, you'll be the bad one for upsetting them!

SneakyNinja · 05/04/2013 00:15

There is a strong possibility DH's sister is shit stirring

The best piece of advice my Mum ever gave me was to always question the motives of those people who tell you someone is bitching about you.
I'm sure there are exceptions but in my personal experience, the 'revealer' of said truths is ALWAYS the one that's screwed people over in the end. Just saying.

MrsMacFarlane · 05/04/2013 11:09

YANBU but I've no doubt that confronting them for shit stirring will guarantee you being in the doghouse and blamed for causing a family rift. I had this issue with my sister and her daughter (my not so "darling" neice). For years I put up with them being patronising and condescending towards me until just over a year ago I got in a tense situation with my (not so)DN after she more or less "ordered" me to get out of the hospital whilst I was visiting her older sister. Result? We've barely spoken in the last year and I got blamed for everything. In truth, I'm not that bothered, I really don't need people like that in my life. But you have to weigh up if you're ready to be frozen out, because there's a distinct possibility that'll happen.

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