Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

To not want photos of DD online?

50 replies

Lilipaddle · 04/04/2013 14:27

I think I might get a lot of YABU here, but just wondering.
I know it's not really going to do any harm people just seeing a photo, but after my aunt dating a 'lovely' man who ended up abusing her friends 3 y/o son after they got engaged, I get quite over-aware that not everyone is well intending, and I hate the idea (however unlikely it is) of someone like that looking through photos of her.

I sent my ex-MIL some photos yesterday in an email, and went on facebook today and she's posted every single one on her wall. She hasn't bothered to see DD since she was born 9 months ago, so it's more like she's just "showing her off" than putting them on because she's a big part of her life.

I messaged her saying "Hi, I'm really glad you like the photos, but would you mind taking them off the public part of the site? Sorry for being a pain but I prefer to keep her photos private while she's still a child."
She replied saying "I'll keep them on, It's only facebook. I want people to be able to see what she looks like."
I know it's easily solved by not sending her photos in future... But was IBU to ask her to take them down/should I push the point or just leave it now?

OP posts:

Report

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 04/04/2013 15:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable but it's really hard to control, especially as they get older and start going to play dates, parties etc.

SquirrelNuts · 04/04/2013 15:08

My SIL did this it really irritated me! DP got her to take them off in the end. So no YANBU

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 15:09

Fb won't take them down if your dds dad says its ok for them to be there. Where is he in all of this could you get him onside? (sorry if thats an insensitive question)

minicreamegg · 04/04/2013 15:13

YANBU

My FB is plastered of photos of my DC's but my friend list is very small and has people that I do actually talk too, it annoys me when family members decide to 'share' my photo, not because I think something will happen but I don't see the need for every Tom Dick and Harry to be looking at them.

Lilipaddle · 04/04/2013 15:15

DD's dad see's her once a month at a push, and hasn't taken photos so far since newborn. That's why I'm the one sending them as he didn't get round to it when she asked.
I think he'd side with her if she asked him, but he doesn't have facebook so would they actually go to the effort of contacting him to find out?

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 04/04/2013 15:15

I have photos of DS all over facebook and it wouldn't bother me, but YANBU to feel differently, especially given the experience of your Aunt.

I would never post a picture of someone elses child without their permission and your MIL is being very unreasonable in ignoring your request. As you own the photographs and not her, you should be able to get fb to remove them.

If your MIL (or anyone else) photographs your child in a public place, they are free to put them on fb or anywhere else they like, however given your MIL doesn't see you DD this doesn't sound like it would be an issue going forward, but still, don't let her photograph your DD as you wouldn't be able to stop her posting her own images.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 15:20

I doubt they would go to that effort but she could reply that he wants them on there and they will most likely keep them on. They aren't very good with this type of situation tbh.

I think you may have to accept it with these pictures if appealing to her better nature doesn't work, just make sure you don't send her anymore in future. She has done herself a massive disservice by mot respecting your wishes.

whokilleddannylatimer · 04/04/2013 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoraBear · 04/04/2013 15:23

Report her. I have a "no facebook" rule for photo's of my child. I don't want anyone - especially a huge organisation - owning the rights to a photograph of my child.

ChunkyPickle · 04/04/2013 15:26

Report them. Personally I don't mind pics of my children on Facebook, but if you don't want it then she should take them down.

Apart from anything else, you own the copyright on those pictures, so by uploading them to facebook she has broken the law (she had no permission to do so, when uploading you grant facebook all sorts of permissions that she didn't have the rights to grant). Facebook should take them down if you point that out to them.

DeadWomanWalking · 04/04/2013 15:36

YANBU, I don't like pics of my kids online either. I did used to post a few FB years ago when they were babies, but when I thought about it decided I didn't want photos of them online. We as adults get to choose what photos we want of ourselves online as the internet is only still in it's infancy, I think my kids should also be able to choose what photos of themselves they want online when they become adults.

Charlesroi · 04/04/2013 15:43

YANBU. Once those photos are on FB they are out of your control (and DDs control). SUppose in later life she doesn't want her baby pictures plastered all over the internet?
Tell FB the photos were published without your permission, you own the IP(not them) and they must remove them.

lljkk · 04/04/2013 15:45

I understand text is copyright in emails, but are images? Really?

Inertia · 04/04/2013 15:50

YANBU, I don't post allow pictures of my children (or myself) to be posted on Facebook either. I wouldn't want FB owning the rights to pictures of my children.

I would also ask FB to remove them if MIL won't, and if she makes a fuss just don't send any more photos.

treas · 04/04/2013 16:07

If your ex gives permission for the photos to be online then Facebook will not remove the images.

However, as they are photos you took you could claim copyright infringement an complete the form at - www.facebook.com/help/contact/208282075858952

SarahBumBarer · 04/04/2013 16:24

Gosh - I always think FB pics is a ridiculous thing to get precious about but they are your photos and you should have the right to decide what is done with them. Your ex-MIL is very rude and I would dig my heels in for that reason alone.

"Your children your rules"? They're not possessions. You have a relationship with your children just as their grandparents do, their cousins do etc. Your relationship might be unique but they are not "yours" such that you are the only person who can make rules about them. On the other hand - "your photos your rules".

MandragoraWurzelstock · 04/04/2013 16:28

But her ex may have PR. He doesn't have rights to these images.

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 16:29

YADNBU - she is. I would never post pics of my brood on the web and (although I am no longer on FB and really don't like it) I am amazed at how many do.

Get them taken down asap and don't worry about causing a fuss - your baby, your rules.

lljkk · 04/04/2013 16:30

Do you like your ex-MIL, do you want to keep a decent relationship with her?

Branleuse · 04/04/2013 16:43

you are being overly precious and a bit weird.

Not everyone has good intentions, but no harm is going to come of your mother in law having a picture of your dd online.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 16:45

The thing is of the op kicks up a huge fuss with fb about this the MIL may well decide to be spiteful and get her son to take pictures and then the op can't do anything about those being published on fb or anywhere else.

I do think the best plan is to just not send the ex MIL more pictures, and hope that she takes these ones down. Its a lesson learned that she can't be trusted to stick by your wishes.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/04/2013 16:59

Branleuse - nothing precious or weird about not wanting images of your children to become public property that absolutely anyone in the world could look at, download and use in any way they choose. Plenty of people don't allow images of their children to appear on social media, and I can absolutely understand their POV.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 17:41

Can I second Annie's point? I find it weird that people are so free and easy with their dc's pics plastered all over the net, belonging to FB. Don't be so rude Branleuse.

RenterNomad · 04/04/2013 19:37

Does she actually understand that it's possible to restrict access to pictures?

If she doesn't she might in her ignorance just be hearing "take them down", and be stropping over that. If you explain nicely, she may understand that she will still be able to show off to her friends, not to strangers.

If she does understand, just don't send any more photos, without telling her.

DoJo · 04/04/2013 22:30

Either way, Facebook will have the right to use and reproduce those pictures now that they have been uploaded, so if that makes you uncomfortable then the only way to fix it is to have them taken down.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.