To loathe the phrase 'Happy Mummy, Happy Baby'?

[HolidayArmadillo]

I probably am being unreasonable but it makes my toes curl every time I see it, and on here that is a lot! I agree with sentiment in some ways but in many others I think it's just used as justification for doing something you (the royal you) want to do, that maybe isn't in the best interests of the child.

Flame away. As I said I appreciate I probably ABU.

'I think it's just used as justification for doing something you (the royal you) want to do, that maybe isn't in the best interests of the child.'
like what? FF? going back to work? strict routine?

I bent over backwards to put my babies first and it did me no favours, so if I'd put myself first a bit more then I might have been happier and my dc's might have been a bit happier as well.

I've only ever heard it in relation to breast feeding to be honest. It seems to be the one thing that mothers specifically are meant to suck up and be miserable for the sake of the baby. (Not that bf in and of itself makes you miserable, lol, but it is the one albatross hanging around the mother's neck).

Or conversely, a joyous and fulfilling experience for all involved. But in that instance, no one's gonna be pulling out the happy mummy rhetoric.

I've also heard it WRT holidays away from DC, sleep training and working or not working.

YANBU. It can too easily be used as an excuse IMO.

I'd say its trotted out to pretty much every choice discussed on here? As others have said, sleeping, feeing, routines, working, weaning, everything!

I can understand some of the reasoning behind it, but the saying itself is really twee, smug and cheesy.
Most phrases with 'mummy' in them are, actually:

Yummy Mummy
Mummy Friends

I think a mother who is relaxed and happy is better able to respond to her babies needs than one who is stressed, depressed or unhappy, be that from bf, pnd or an abusive partner, or any other reason, so in that sense I think it's true. But it does make me cringe somewhat when I hear it.

YANBU- I hate the phrase. It always seems to be used to justify something that someone has an issue about or feels a bit guilty about. I have heard it from an acquaintance who went away on a long holiday on her own when her baby was a few months old, as if her baby would really be happiest with a maternity nurse and an absent mother .

As for breast feeding, if you are struggling and need to stop then just stop and move on. But please don't trot out the "happy mum" crap. You are looking after your own physical and mental health and that is important enough without a boring cliché.

The underlying sentiment ("don't be a martyr, your baby needs you more than whatever it is you're choosing between") is reasonable, but it does get blithely used instead of proper discussion or support. I've seen it used to support going out on the lash, for example, where I'm less sympathetic.

squarepebbles are you me? My experience of bfing totally chimes with yours! With hindsight I should have switched to ff much earlir. Im sure the dcs benefited from the breastmilk but it was at the cost of my sanity. I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy for baby massage classes, mum & baby groups and had to spend all baby's nap time catching up on sleep.

Depressed mothers are not good for babies. This is a basic and very important truth.

Doesn't stop me feeling a bit about this phrase being wheeled out over and over again in pretty much every instance when a mum stops breast feeding after a few days/weeks.

I am scratching my head as to why most UK mums can't be 'happy' breastfeeding a baby over 3 weeks old. And why we have rates of PND among new mums just as high as in other European countries where vastly more women are breastfeeding.

Shagmund (great name btw) perhaps the problem in this country is that we are so brainwashed that breast is best, but when the push comes to shove, there is very little support or knowledge available to enable us to breastfeed through problems. If I hadnt had good support I wouldn't have continued feeding through dd2s poor weight gain, nor through shredded nipples and 2 bouts of thrush with dd3. Bottle feeding is prevalent in this country and therefore the knowledge amongst siblings and mothers just isn't there any more unless they themselves have breastfed, and the advice given by hcps is usually inaccurate, incomplete or sometimes just plain old bollocks.

I found the exact opposite. As with this thread, far more people ff than bf, were far more vocal (often aggressively so) about it, and tried to 'convert' me constantly. Fuck you, I want to bf!

Famous and prolific paediatrician/psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott famously stated that there was "no baby without the mother". Meaning that for the baby to survive there has to be a mother (in those days it was pretty much always the mother) who takes appropriate care of the baby. I would say that "happy mother, happy baby" has wisdom in it, in that if the mother cannot take appropriate care of the baby (because of being deeply unhappy), the baby is not likely to be happy/thriving either. The mother does not "need" the baby in quite such a fundamental way to survive or even necessarily to be happy. However, most healthy mother baby relationships are quite symbiotic.

I suppose I find it so trite, along the lines of 'Your baby, your choice Hun' well, yes, I suppose that is true but at least lets discuss the other options rather than give platitudes.

as an ex suicidal PND sufferer I think that it is an apt phrase. Really it just means that if the mother ain't happy then the baby is unlikely to be so. Get the mum sorted first and the love, care and attention fir the child will follow.

Problem is that 'miserable mum, failure to thrive child' is not so aposite.

sorry meant to say catchy! it is mega aposite

I dont like the phrase, its usually said to justify something like gong away and leaving your baby etc. Lots of things may make a mum happy but are not actually good for the child.

I think the general concept of it is quite accurate, but as someone said further upthread it is actually more "unhappy Mum, unhappy baby" meaning that you can go through all the motions and try to do everything correctly but if you are stressed or unhappy then chances are, baby will pick up on it and things will be difficult.

Yanbu to think that some people use it as an excuse to be shitty parents. I had a friend who left her baby screaming on the floor whilst she put her make-up on because "It was important to Mummys self esteem that she looked good and happy Mum = happy baby"