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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel left out?

14 replies

SheepNoisesOff · 03/04/2013 20:44

I am, aren't I?
A friend was back in town a few weeks ago and went out for dinner with a fairly big group of our other friends, except me. I only just found out I saw the pictures on Facebook, IABU just for that and I'm gutted. And angry. I can't help thinking that none of them even thought to ask me, or missed me, or anything. I know I shouldn't think like this but I then get on to the "nobody likes me" thoughts. What am I doing wrong?
In the last two weeks I've made an effort to make dates with two separate friends who have both cancelled at the last minute. One was for a good reason but the other one wasn't again I know through Facebook what people are really up to and I feel like Sally No Mates.
AIBU to think that I am just not liked by pretty much anyone I know, and to go ahead and look for a whole new group of friends or try to figure out what's wrong with me?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 03/04/2013 20:50

no YANBU and that is very hurtful :(

same happened to me ...I got new friends x

Flisspaps · 03/04/2013 20:50

Are you sure you were purposely missed out of the group event? I expect they all probably assumed someone else had invited you, and then they got there and realised you hadn't been - by then it's a bit late to invite you because you might have felt like an afterthought.

As for the two last minute cancellations, I wouldn't worry about the genuine one, but I'd be fucked off about the fibber, and I'd have had to have posted something on Facebook along the lines of 'shame we couldn't have met up today, will have to arrange something soon' on the status update that caught them out!

shrimponastick · 03/04/2013 20:50

This happens to most people I reckon.

My way around it is to carry on making arrangements - some people have busy lives and do have to cancel often - or they cancel 'cos they are flaky. Also I have tried to expand my friend circle - and spend time with other people as well.

It does piss me off when it happens like that - but other people have different levels of priorities. I make an arrangement and stick to it. Some don't.

I am sure there is nothing wrong with you. Your friends were just being twunts.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 20:50

Arr dont think like that. I hate facebook. Causes so much trouble thats why i came off it two years ago. Dont blame or doubt yourself. Thats the worse thing you can do. Shoulders back and head up high. Some people dont care about letting people down at the last minute. I think its bloody rude myself. Try and stay off facebook checking what they are doing. Not easy I know. Try one more time to make arrangements and see what happens. If to no avail then look for some new friends. Dont quite know how you go about that but sure someone will point you in right direction. Good luck. Chin up chicken.

shrimponastick · 03/04/2013 20:51

Op - I have one particular 'friend' who cancels at least 70% of our arrangements. I have given up on that one, after many years.

Plenty more friends to be made out there.

Original poster

SheepNoisesOff · 03/04/2013 21:01

Oh you are all so nice. I found out a day or so ago and just felt a bit down but then today I collapsed in tears over it and it's been on my mind since then.

I feel like it doesn't help that I am not that concerned with appearances, I don't go on about the good things that happen in my life (and there are lots of things, especially my lovely new-ish DC2) and perhaps as a result people see me as totally uncool. Which again means that I need new friends, obviously. I'm not going to start boasting about how wonderful my life is except here apparently just to try to get people to like me!

OP posts:

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 03/04/2013 21:02

I would pull back from the friendships for a while, and see if they prove their worth as friends. If they don't contact you then I would think "sod them" and move on. Some people are just arse holes, and aren't worth your time or your energy. Hope you are ok

JustinBsMum · 03/04/2013 21:03

AIBU to think that I am just not liked by pretty much anyone I know, and to go ahead and look for a whole new group of friends or try to figure out what's wrong with me

But finding a good friend who you really like being with isn't that easy ime. I would stop 'looking' for a friend and start doing other stuff, art classes, craft classes, gym anything, or sign DCs up for things, and when you find stuff you enjoy friends will prob materialise. Also don't limit to people you think you have alot in common with. Anyone can be good company.

MrsBombastic · 03/04/2013 21:04

I agree with Shrimponastick..

Also, to hell with them, get new friends. x

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 03/04/2013 21:05

I agree with justinbsmum. Do things that you enjoy and don't purposely look for friends. I've found that for every friend I have ditched, a new friend has come along to take their place.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could pursue?

villagebird · 03/04/2013 21:10

Some nice advice on here for you. You sound like a lovely person. All will be ok for you.

Original poster

SheepNoisesOff · 03/04/2013 21:13

Maybe Justin and MiniEggs are onto something. I can get along with just about everyone so maybe people don't really feel much of a "click" with me and don't see me as a "good friend who they really like being with".

Or maybe I'm a bore and I just can't see it! Oh dear I really am having a very insecure day.

My hobbies and interests tend to be fairly solitary things so I don't know how much that would help to keep me busy outside the home. I work by myself (am a freelancer), spend time looking after the DCs by myself, and my idea of a good time lately is to go and sit in a cafe by myself or go for a walk by myself Of course having an EBF baby doesn't make for much time alone which is why those are my favourite things to do right now.

OP posts:

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 03/04/2013 21:18

SheepNoises, what I have actually found is that I am rubbish in lots of female group situations, often feel on the outside, and I hate the bitching that goes on in them. So now I try to find friends that I can be friends with on an individual basis. That way you can get to really develop the friendship and get to know each other, plus there are none of the politics that occur in groups of friends.

Whereabouts roughly do you live? Perhaps someone on here is nearby and could meet you for a coffee?

Snoopingforsoup · 03/04/2013 22:09

YANBU
Find new mates. Your old ones will then wonder what's wrong with them.
Worked for me when my old crowd decided I wasn't worth an invite (because I was a new Mum.) They're still around, but I don't rely on them for anything, including invites!

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