to worry about the world by young daughters will grow up to be teens in?

[VictorTango]

With the news today that 15 children are expelled a day for sexual bullying, I feel sorry for anyone raising teens (boys and girls) in this day and age. The music videos, the sexual advertising, the ready available porn, the distorted image of sex that is pushed as the norm etc

I read an article in the Ipaper yesterday where the journalist was upset by a porn video her 11 year son had watched, after hearing it discussed in a geography lesson, which deeply affected him. She said it marked the loss of his childhood. And the violence disturbed him so much that it took him a few days for him to be able to discuss it with her.

If this is happening now, what will be the case in 10 years time when my dds are teenagers. I cannot see anything changing despite efforts by various pressure groups and forums like Mumsnet discussing it. I can only see it getting worse.

AIBU to worry that its gone too far, the horse has bolted and to fear for the teenage years my young dc will have to face?

I think parenting teens has changed immensely over the last 10-15 years, because of the rise of the Internet and that pretty much every teen has a cellphone. Not that parenting teens in the 70s and 80s wasn't just as difficult, but it was very different.

Seeing as your DDs are still young, the best advice I can offer is to never allow electronics in the bedroom. Although mine would love to listen to stories on their iPod, I believe that it sets a precedent that's harder to overcome when they're older. With the rise and rose of Internet bullying and sexting, I think it's really important to keep their bedroom as a haven from that as much as possible.

I think you are hung up over the Internet.

If you have strong parental controls, actually talk to and educate your children. I have 4, 2 dss grown up and 2 dds teens then its life isn't it.

Every generation had its new creation and you have to learn to deal with that as a parent rather than throw your hands up and weep.

Op you talk about sexual bullying? Nothing new at all but acted on today. Good.

You talk about sexual distortion? Marilyn Monroes breasts in the 50s??

Nothing new under the sun.

Every generation has its concerns. I mean there are no bombs falling out of the sky on our teen girls while our teen boys are heading off to war and for the most part there is no good reason for a teenager to go hungry there are unfortunately plenty of bad reasons I suppose. Teenagers generally have access to good education and have more opportunities available to them than many previous generations especially girls. However I like you do not like the early sexualisation of teens but I much rather it to previous generations woes personally. The world has never been nor will ever be perfect I guess.

I don't think you can over think the Internet, when it comes to teens, tbh. You can have all the parental controls you like, but they're pretty useless when they have the entire Internet on theirs (or their friends') smart phones, powered by 4G as opposed to the family IP.

Tbh, I think the biggest danger is the endless social networking. Take a site such as Ask.fm for example. Kids can completely anonymously ask their friends whatever they like. There is no other reason, in my mind, for this site to exist other than to intimidate and bully. Yet I know parents that think its just another version of FB. And that kind of shit is coming into their homes which have always, traditionally, been where they should feel safe.

Of course every generation of teens faces new issues, but that doesn't stop me worrying about it. I've got two teens and 2 heading that way. I SHOULD be worried!!

A boy in my school was off for 18 months after being stabbed at school in the 70/80s. The difference was it didn't even make the local papers. (He was very close to being killed.)

The problem is also in education. The idea that students think it's ok to hold beauty pageants or that pole dancing is a great form of exercise. It is but why choose that one?

On the one hand PSHE goes some way to educate children but on the other hand telling them that if it's exercise that pole dancing is ok is very confusing.

Girls and boys need to be educated.

Because they want to choose that one.

And if it's exercise then pole fitness is okay. Have you ever seen one of these classes? There is no sexy dancing and it does not involve being barely dressed, there are men who do it too.

They need to be educated but I think it would be just as bad to stop girls from doing these things if they want to, simply because they are female.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. I don't think that you ever finish wanting to improve a society, but at least now wife beating and rape in marriage is illegal, women don't have to give up certain jobs if they are married, women are not barred from being employed for jobs because of their sex, homosexuality is legal, divorce, unmarried mothers and abortion are all fairly well accepted...
Not to mention the Cold War and the constant threat of Armageddon as we saw it.
Our children face different challenges to those I and my friends faced 35 years ago, just as serious but not harder or easier.

Oh, and the recessions under Margaret Thatcher.
The dismantling of entire industries and the impact on communities and job prospects.

Really I just wanted a discussion on what thought the future to be for young children today. If the concerns that parents face today would be magnified in the future.

I'm not really bothered about the cold war or the past tbh.

I think it is being magnified so much and I dread to think what is going to be out there in 10 yrs.

I remember a Wondebra advert that stopped traffic and caused accidents. Now people don't give more than a cursory glance at a woman in a bra.

I'm not saying things should go backwards. More wondering how to draw a line between the images we are bombarded with and what happens in your average person's everyday life.

Ok, I feel sorry for anyone raising teens full stop, including me.
I just get a bit weary of the 'in this day and age' triteness. Teenagers have always faced challenges, as have their parents, and yet somehow the majority turn out decent, honest and useful human beings.

'AIBU to worry that its gone too far, the horse has bolted and to fear for the teenage years my young dc will have to face'

You are in the company of millions of parents around the world and down the ages.

Mummytime, TheBody, Schro, Neun, Nebulous and others.
I have teens and feel they are much better placed to deal with awful things intruding into their world than people have been at anytime in the past.
My belief is that things will continue to get better - why wouldn't they ?

that was meant to say "I agree with..." Sorry!

In the 70s it was completely socially acceptable for adult men to lust after 'school girls' cf Benny Hill etc, which must be partly why Saville and his ilk got away with it. There was a seaside area near where i lived where I and many other girls got flashed at - no-one did anything. Clerical abuse and abuse, sexual or otherwise by other people in positions of authority was commonplace. While I think that the easy availability of images over the Internet is a concern and something to be addressed, growing up in the 70s was not exactly a golden age. At least now parents and those in authority are aware of the issues and are willing to address them or at least acknowledge that there are issues and discuss them.

Like a previous poster, I am heartened by some of these responses and the perspective they've given. You're quite right - there are always challenges, they simply change through the ages and we have different things to worry about. I'm 39yo and expecting DD1 and have been worried about some of these things. I'm still worrying but am less stressed by it - so THANK YOU.

Victor You can't really discuss the future and moving on without discussing the past and how much things have already changed though and talking about that has shown that actually, things are getting better and our kids probably wont have as tough a time as some of us did.

Problems may seem worse because they are more noticeable and that's because everyone is already doing the right thing, talking and protesting about what isn't right. That is such a big change even to some very recent years.

Totally agree with all the positive posters.

My dd is only 10 months but I'm going to tell her about porn from a youngish age and that it's not real and you should never do anything that you are not entirely comftable with.

I'm also going to tell her about one of my sisters friends who sextet at 14 and is now doing porn- a mistake which has defined her life.

I just hope I can give my dd the confidence to not get into a situation she's not comftable with.