Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To scream at the next person who says they'd sort her sleep ??

58 replies

Softlysoftly · 01/04/2013 22:43

Dd2 is 10 months she's a fucking awful sleeper. Did pick up put down in Jan and achieved only 3 wakings a night. 4 wks on and she gets a cold back to square 1 of needing feeding/resettling every 45m to 2 hrs max all night. Even if Co sleeping which I am trying to stop as I'm getting too tired for it to be safe and though I love it I did it scary.

Only about v3 occasions have a I had help, in all this time I've had 1 night where I've had more than 4 hrs of unbroken sleep and that was sat upright on a chair with her on my lap. I feel like a fuckibg awful useless mother as the dds are wonderful in the day yet come bedtime we end up in a mess. Last night I had 2 hrs sleep in total, tonight I have been horrible to dd1 and let dd2 scream and bang her head on the cot as I bury my head in a pillow for 5 minutes just to get a grip to carry on.

And yet knowing this wtaf do several people in mylife think saying smugly "leave her with me 1 night I'll sort her out, shell sleep for me" including mil, bil....

OP posts:

ChazDingle · 01/04/2013 22:46

if you trust them enough then why not leave her with them for a night, at least you'd get some rest for one night!

noblegiraffe · 01/04/2013 22:46

Sounds awful, sleep deprivation is torture. Have you got anyone who can take them off your hands in the day so you can have a nap? DP?

Original poster

Softlysoftly · 01/04/2013 22:46

Posted too soon and ranty!

I meant to say after 10 months of sleep deprivation aibu to think people telling you they could "fix" the sleep issues so easily is just totally irritating and upsetting and makes you feel like crap and therefore next time AIBU to scream.

Soort if went off track there and divulged a bit too much :(

OP posts:

Katz · 01/04/2013 22:46

This sounds awful. Can your Dp/H, do a night for you just so you can catch up on some sleep. Sleep deprivation is torture.

Can I ask, how we'll does she sleep in the day? We had problems with dd1 and sleeping and it was only after reading the no cry sleep solution that I realized she was over tired at bedtime and needed more daytime sleep.

mistressploppy · 01/04/2013 22:47

YANBU. It's really insulting!

NumericalMum · 01/04/2013 22:48

Yanbu. Been there. Done that. Got the t shirt. Lots of empathy!

Does your DD have reflux or a dairy allergy as she sounds just like mine? She will sleep eventually I am sure but with medication mine was a changed child. Unfortunately she was 2 when she finally got it.

noblegiraffe · 01/04/2013 22:51

When they say they'll fix it in one night, they mean let her cry and they think that the problem is just that you're being too soft. Well even if letting my child cry did solve the problem, it's still not something I'd be happy to do. At MIL's house or otherwise.

McNewPants2013 · 01/04/2013 22:52

I hope the sleep situation improves for you soon

Lilicat1013 · 01/04/2013 22:56

Is there anyone who would just look after her, rather than just leaving her to cry when she wakes who could take her for a night to give you some rest?

You in laws are irritating as they are implying her sleep issues are your fault. I have two children who both slept through the night from early on and I can honestly say it is nothing special I have done, I have no great parenting trick that achieved it. I have simply been lucky so I would never say to a parent of a child who slept badly that I would be able to make their child sleep.

I hope things get easier for you soon.

MagicHouse · 01/04/2013 23:00

I wondered about the reflux thing too - my dd had "silent reflux" (no sick, just brought up acid). I had lots of comments ("babies are manipulative"/ "leave her to cry" etc) When she was about 3 and a half months she was prescribed baby gaviscon and ranitidine and the effects were unbelievable!! I co-slept with both of mine for a long time. I kept saying I would stop, but eventually stopped feeling guilty and just let it happen. It stops naturally eventually!

IWishIWasSheRa · 01/04/2013 23:02

Ditto numerical!!
Lactose and silent reflux here- changed lots of things but things really only improved at 14 months once milk was on the out and tummy strength grew. - I would start with gaviscon infant and then try dairy free...
Good luck, it is debilitating and every bastard has an opinion- including us. Smile and nod- no two children are the same and they may end up with an insomniac one day!! X

MrsBonkers · 01/04/2013 23:02

YANBU

You're knackered and doing your best. If anyone had made comments like that to me I would have just burst into tears.
I have a collection of rods I have made for my own back. I couldn't face ANY kind of sleep training as I was just bimbling through. DD is 2 now and doing just fine.

10 months is still so little.

Next time someone makes a comment like that tell them to take little one for a walk so you can get some shut eye - way more productive (if not as satisfying ) as screaming at them.

IWishIWasSheRa · 01/04/2013 23:02

X post magic!

LemonPeculiarJones · 01/04/2013 23:03

Poor you, you have my sympathies. DS was an appalling sleeper - woke hourly. We coslept for ages then finally tried leaving him to cry for short periods of time before going in - 30 secs, 1 minute. He responded very quickly and seemed so much more cheerful in the day. I think I was jumping on him at the first gurgle before that. But thats just what we decided to try, everyone's different. Your ILs sound annoying!

Are there any other sleep training techniques that you know of that you think you might resort to? I'm guessing not - you probably would have already tried them if so!

Ages ago a poster called nectarina started a thread about sleep training where you stay in the room but let your baby stay in the cot rather than feeding/rocking. You comfort them verbally and stay with them until they fall asleep but they stay in the cot. Loads of posters found it really effective and felt good about staying with their baby, not leaving, verbally reassuring etc.

I think once that was achieved the gradual retreat technique took over - repeat with chair further away, or leaving just before baby nodded off.

I think the thread was called something like 'what helped for us - hope this helps'.

Please discard all this if its not in line with how you want to parent, of course Lots of people just wait it out and things improve naturally in time. In the meantime try to get as much support as you can, naps etc whenever possible.

RunningAgain · 01/04/2013 23:05

Would be much more helpful if they would offer to look after her while you get a nap during the day. Is there any likelihood of anyone doing that for you?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/04/2013 23:05

"Excellent. Saturday night ok for you?"

Should shut them up.

Pancakeflipper · 01/04/2013 23:05

Sounds like my DS2, when he was 3 we discovered a neck/spine Sossie and that he has an intolerance to lactose and CMP.

Make a diary on sleep and diet eye . Sleep when you can, get any support and it will get better. It's horrid but it gets better.

Original poster

Softlysoftly · 01/04/2013 23:06

DH hasn't done 1 single night started off he couldnt as bf now he's too busy. He's out all day opening a new business. Gone from hands on dad with dd1 to no help at all. My mum tried so I could go out 1 night but dd decided she won't take a bottle for anyone but me ever. Mum lives hours away so no days babysitting.

Mil had her 3 days but they are work daysI travel up to 5 hrs plus meetings during those days so no sleep, she refuses a bottle while there. My days off I feel asking for me help is off.

BIL would do exactly that noble shut the door and walk away so no way am I leaving her. MIL on other hand would have her wrapped head to toe in blankets, next to a radiator in bed with her, plus they have no smoke alarms. I feel I can only skirt around sids advice as she lost a son to it and still blames herself.

I can cope most days but today was just too much and I just am sick of repeating that I've tried everything. She isn't sleep trainable, she gets in a screaming pantibg state in 2 minutes flat, there is no whinging.

Numerical that's another thing she's constipated, withholding pooh until it's hard and she screams in pain to go every 3 days. When ebf only went once a week.I've to drs twice, and sik is a gp but I just get "give more water" she has half a cup every meal plus inbetween. And she's had lactulose every other day with no improvement. I just feel like banging my head against the wall and have

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 01/04/2013 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonPeculiarJones · 01/04/2013 23:07

P.s. definitely not trying to be another person saying they know best how to 'sort out the sleep' btw! Every family and child are different and you know your baby best.

noblegiraffe · 01/04/2013 23:08

I was visiting my sister once and my niece was pissing around in the evening. My sis had been up and down a few times so I said I'd go up and try settling her. My DS is nearly the same age so I thought it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.
I went up and did all the usual things that would settle my DS. Totally unexpectedly, instead of being settled, my niece sat bolt upright and laughed in my face. It was then that I really understood that what works for one child certainly doesn't work for all.
You are the expert in getting your DD to sleep. If there was an easier way to do it, then you'd have found it in the last ten months. No wonder you feel insulted when they suggest otherwise.

LemonPeculiarJones · 01/04/2013 23:08

Oh, just read your last post about having tried sleep training. Ignore me.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/04/2013 23:09

So sorry - you are doing amazingly well to cope, even though you don't realise it now. I just don't think people with easy babies 'get' that some babies are not like that.

munchkinmaster · 01/04/2013 23:10

When my baby wasn't sleeping I couldn't think straight. I could not imagine what I could do differently. I felt awful. Someone on here recommended 'teach yourself baby sleep' book. It gave you a clear plan - you only need to read a few pages. Did it and was so helpful at 5 and 8 months and also at 11months when we had a blip due to illness.

I got all that shit off other folk too (people forget what thier kids were like) and never offer to babysit etc to help you catch up during day. However, if I could have handed baby over to my old non sleep deprived, not had it up to here self, I would have approached things differently as really I had lost all perspective.

noblegiraffe · 01/04/2013 23:12

Oh! My DS was constipated too, his poor tummy kept him awake at night if he hadn't pooed for a couple of days. Glycerin suppositories were the key for us there. He had lactulose twice a day for over a year but it didn't make much difference as it was psychological rather than too hard to get out.
Talking of lactulose, I had to have some after giving birth, and I was kept awake that night with stomach cramps and horrible wind. I didn't touch it again after that, it was awful. So the lactulose could be affecting sleep too (we stopped giving it to DS in the evenings when we figured that out).

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread