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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask mil not to take dc out

24 replies

groundhogmum · 01/04/2013 22:14

DP and I have 3DC aged from 3 to 7 and they very rarely have sleepovers anywhere.This is mainly because we have no real need for them to stay anywhere else. We are very lucky to have family close by who babysit at our house if needed and we rarely go out.

My MIL told the DC (without discussing with me or DP) they could stay at her house over the easter holidays when her sister had come to stay. DC are very excited and really looking forward to it. MIL is 68 and a little slower than her 63yo sister. MIL is also very indulgent with DC and refuses to discipline/tell off at all. As a result DC take advantage and pretty much run riot when she is around. MIL sister is a little better but neither have a lot of experience dealing with young kids (DP is only child and his aunt is childless)

I have come to terms with DC staying over but am concerned about safety if they take them out. They don't drive and use buses to get everywhere. Its only 1 night WIBU to request they stay in the house for the whole 24 hours??

OP posts:

CaptainSweatPants · 01/04/2013 22:16

Yabu

HollyBerryBush · 01/04/2013 22:17

I read these threads and I'm terrified I have to work until I'm 68 - clearly I shall be in my dotage, a bit batty, slow, not up with the play and in the grips of dementia.

I cant wait to be on the receiving end of public perception.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 01/04/2013 22:18

Yabu. Though I would consider sending perhaps the older one? Three is small and if your 3 year old is hard work then it might be better, my MIL is a fit 65 and won't take both my DDs out together as she worries she'd lose the smallest who is 5.

Sirzy · 01/04/2013 22:18

Why can't 1 adults take 2 children on a bus?

Happyasapiginshite · 01/04/2013 22:18

YABU, sorry. It sounds like they'll have a lovely adventure having a sleepover with their Granny and they'll be spoiled rotten. You can talk to your MIL about taking them out - if you worry that the 3 year old might bolt across the road or whatever - but it would be unfair and ridiculous to ask her to stay in for 24 hours. They'll have a lovely time, let them go.

jkklpu · 01/04/2013 22:18

I presume your 3yo still goes out in a pram for longer distances. Is your mil able to click into and out of it? Is there a park near the house? I think it's quite U to say they have to stay in for 24 hours, but what places are walkable, as long as the pram is not an issue? Perhaps you could make suggestions, eg local park, a particular cafe nearby, instead of banning everything.

What does your DP say?

Sirzy · 01/04/2013 22:19

*3 children

DuttyWine · 01/04/2013 22:20

Yes yabu does dmil have form for leaving your dh on a bus as a child?

I get worried about silly irrational things happening when my dmil hast children but they are just silly irrational thoughts and I know I'm being silly. I still let my dcs go and spend time with their family.

Make the most of your time alone with dh... Just don't leave him on a bus

Numberlock · 01/04/2013 22:21

Shall I just shoot you now then HBB?

OP - YABU.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 01/04/2013 22:22

Yabvu

When in doubt in mil matters, I think it's always wise to ask yourself how you'd feel if it was your mum rather than mil. Agree that it might be worth sending the older 2 and not the little one for the first time.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 01/04/2013 22:22

Do 3 year olds really still use prams?

McNewPants2013 · 01/04/2013 22:23

why do you think that mil and her sister will be unable to safely look after the children.

aldiwhore · 01/04/2013 22:24

YABU on quite a few levels - well done!

YANBU to have a few concerns as it's the first time, that is wholly natural, but you shouldn't use these concerns as a reason not to let your DC's stay at their Granny's house, which is traditionally rather a normal thing to do.

For the first visit, I would suggest ONE child at a time, and when they've all stayed once, and everything's gone well, perhaps then allow the two older ones to go together, before you even consider all 3.

My mum only 'accepts' one child at a time for a sleepover. She can then indulge each child fully, and it's not as stressful.

YABU to link speed with age. My mum is 64 and as quick as she's ever been, has a nicer wardrobe than me and a far better social life!! (And I'm not a sloth by any reckoning).

McNewPants2013 · 01/04/2013 22:24

Remus my 3 year old dd still uses her buggy, especially if we go out for a long day.

mumofweeboys · 01/04/2013 22:27

My parents are bit older late 60s and early 70s - together they work well with my boys 4 and 2.

I would let dc stay over but perhaps empahsise they can be a handful. I doubt they will venture far

HollyBerryBush · 01/04/2013 22:28

Shall I just shoot you now then HBB?

Yes please, I'm only thinking of the children and the insurance money they'd get, then daddy could ship in a nice young Thai bride to be a bit more 'able'

Original poster

groundhogmum · 01/04/2013 22:37

DP will have a word with his DM about being extra careful esp with the youngest one being a handful. I just wanted opinions on her taking them out before I said anything as I know I can be overprotective. There was never any question of them not staying as I know they will love it.

My MIL does have form for being slightly careless of safety issues but I will child proof the house myself (bleach/lighters/testing smoke alarms etc). It was purely the risk of the youngest running into road or disappearing in a shop etc as my MIL would definitely not be able to keep up!

MIL dotes on DC and would never intentionally put them in harms way but she has never taken all 3 of them out anywhere so has no idea how much of a handful they can be. Thanks for the responses though, shows I'm overthinking it

OP posts:

TooMuchRain · 01/04/2013 22:37

yabu to think that being 63 and 68 means being incapable of looking after children - be grateful they want to spend time together

'need' isn't the only reason for DCs to stay with family, it can be fun and a chance to learn about being away from home

Numberlock · 01/04/2013 22:41

I hope you'll be a bit more subtle about your risk assessment on her home than the way it came across.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 01/04/2013 22:43

Reins for the little one then?

MortifiedAdams · 01/04/2013 22:44

Dear god, OP, she managed to raise her kids without leaving them.on a bus or losing them in a crowd.

Original poster

groundhogmum · 01/04/2013 22:44

They certainly aren't incapable just my MIL is a little slower in her reactions than she was. They can be hard work even for me when we are out but as someone said hopefully they wouldn't venture far.

OP posts:

Original poster

groundhogmum · 01/04/2013 22:46

Of course I will be more subtle about home safety but bleach and disinfectant out in the bathroom and lighters on the coffee table would have to be moved - subtly of course!

OP posts:

KobayashiMaru · 01/04/2013 22:51

Are your children particularly badly behaved? I'd work on that first.

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