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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sad my DD doesn't like reading?

36 replies

bookswithunbentspines · 30/03/2013 18:37

She is 11 and really has no interest in books.

I and DH are really keen readers and she has been brought up with books from a baby. We read to her every night without fail when she was younger which she absolutely loved, this stopped a couple of years ago as she seemed to lose interest. She had so many favourite books and used to go to bed with a pile of them after we had finished reading to her that she would just sit and read to herself.

Suddenly, she has lost interest. I have tried everything to get her loving books. Taken her to Waterstones and let her choose whatever she wants. She is happy to choose books, but then they just sit there. On her bed are two David Walliams books and a Cathy Cassidy book that she chose herself a YEAR ago, untouched. She likes the IDEA of books, but can't be bothered actually reading them. She has been reading the same book since November and is on page 28 - it's an Enid Blyton that is probably aimed at 7-8 year olds.

It probably coincided with her getting a computer for her 10th birthday from a relative. We have put restrictions on her use of it, and she's allowed it only for 2 hours every evening, but it's all she's really interested in doing. She's at a loss when she's not allowed on it as to what to do - we try to interest her in craft things, or tell her to go and read, but it seems as if her brain cells are just dying off from watching crap on youtube when she is allowed online! I've even tried to get her to do something constructive with her time online like start a blog but she totally lacks the motivation.

Her class teacher is happy with her progress so I guess I just have to accept she's not a reader. It makes me sad though. I had books at that age I read and re-read and have such happy memories of just sitting in my room as a child reading books for hours on end and getting totally lost in them. She just doesn't seem able to do that.

I know it's not the end of the world and she is a happy girl and I have to accept she isn't me so please don't flame me! I guess I feel she's just missing out on something that could be a huge pleasure.

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 30/03/2013 18:38

I understand

Its ok to be sad about it

I'm not sure what you could do sorry
I'm no help

Sirzy · 30/03/2013 18:41

You might well find in a couple of year she will refind her love for reading but something like that can't be forced.

Are you going on holiday this year? if so take the books with you then and you may find in evenings or at quiet times she will want to read

LetMeAtTheWine · 30/03/2013 18:41

You might not want to encourage this but what about a kindle or something for her? She might be more keen if she feels she is using technology, rather than reading pages. Depends if you would be happy with the cost and also that she is looking at a screen rather than print.

VerySmallSqueak · 30/03/2013 18:42

Would she read non fiction instead?
Books on a subject that really inspires her?

Could you cut screen time more?
Or talk to the teacher and ask for tips?
Would a Kindle encourage her to read and is that a possibility?

I would be sad too.

accessorizequeen · 30/03/2013 18:43

Sounds as though the problem is the computer? 2 hours is a lot, I noticed my 9yo son was getting obsessed so cut him down to 30 mins a night and an hour weekends and holidays. She isn't just ignoring books, she's ignoring life! I think it's easy to get sucked in, ds1's eyes were glazing over until we cut his time and he's responded quite well after his first reaction!!! Smile

Original poster
bookswithunbentspines · 30/03/2013 18:44

A Kindle is a good idea. I have thought about that. I think it would have to be a straight Kindle though rather than one she could go online with.
She doesn't really read non fiction either, VerySmall, I have tried that - books on fashion,etc which is something she is keen on.
I hope she does pick reading up again in a few years, I just can't imagine life without books, they enrich my life so much!

OP posts:
poppyknot · 30/03/2013 18:44

Bookswus, I am a fellow

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 30/03/2013 18:45

My Ds was never interested either, and I live to read, so I understand why this hurts you.

It's hard, but sometimes you have to accept that other people don't always have the same interests Sad (or the RIGHT interests Grin )

RedHelenB · 30/03/2013 18:47

Agree = none of my 3 are readers despite always doing well at reading at school! Keep thinking that they might coime to it at some point. Have to agree about the kindle dd14 has used her ipod to read John Richardson's autobiography from my kindle.

LindyHemming · 30/03/2013 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poppyknot · 30/03/2013 18:52

Bookswus, I am a fellow feeler with you on this. So many books, so few read. Calling to mind all those I loved. Suppose I must just move on. And as Letme says, there's always my tablet.....
BTW, Trinity that IS a help!

nurseneedshelp · 30/03/2013 18:54

Blimey she sounds identical to my 12 year old DD!

Drives me insane but starting to accept she's never going to enjoy reading despite all my efforts.

poppyknot · 30/03/2013 18:55

Said tablet has made me give the impression I am a fellow. I am not as far as I know.....

OhLori · 30/03/2013 18:58

"she's allowed it only for 2 hours every evening" - thats actually alot of time for an 11 year old to be passive in front of a screen. Getting her a computer for her birthday was probably a mistake. Unfortunately this is what happens. Maybe you can think of workable restrictions around that.

OhLori · 30/03/2013 18:59

p.s. It could be a phase, and if you leave her alone, she may well return to her original love of reading. I have a sense of that being what happened to me ...

simpson · 30/03/2013 19:01

I was going to suggest a kindle too or maybe some listening books that might spark an interest....

LynetteScavo · 30/03/2013 19:09

Awww...Please don't be sad all of you!

I'm not booky - I never read as a child, despite my mothers best attempts. I'm not totally illiterate with horrendous grammar. I can read when I need to. I even bought a book today, and even read a couple of books a year.

Some people just don't enjoy reading. DS1 will read anything I throw at him. DS2 and DD would rather ask 100 questions than actually look at a packet and read what's inside it.

The OP's DD is not missing out on something that could be a huge pleasure, because it wouldn't be a pleasure to her right now.

poppyknot · 30/03/2013 19:17

LynetteScavo, Smile

mumofweeboys · 30/03/2013 19:19

What about graphic novels or something easy like un diary form.

Jestrin · 30/03/2013 19:30

YANBU to feel sad your DC does not love books as much as you BUT not everybody reads for pleasure. My DH, DD and myself are avid readers. DS is not. As long as her teacher is happy that her reading standard is right for her age etc then don't force the issue. She might not have found the author/style she likes yet. I bought my DC kindles. DS looked upon it a gadget initially which got him reading a bit more but then went right off it!

I am a librarian in a school and I can see both sides. Those children that devour books and those who find it a chore. For those who don't but feel they have to take a book, I suggest non fiction (paragraphs with loads of illustrations), graphics novels(written as a comic) or even the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books (hugely popular and written again, in chunks). It's a 'way in' to reading.

Another way is magazines. Not a book, but it is still Reading. But if she isn't interested then you can't force it.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 19:32

So does it make her a worse human being or a bad person?

SauvignonBlanche · 30/03/2013 19:36

It feels odd doesn't it? My DD, 12, is the same. DS shares the love I had for reading as a child.

greenandcabbagelooking · 30/03/2013 19:37

What about audiobooks? Sometimes it's nice to hear a book, rather than read it.

gardenfan · 30/03/2013 19:39

i dont know if this is any consolation, but i have 4 dc's, none of whom ever read for pleasure during their childhood, (although they were read to when young) which always struck me as odd as we have books on every possible subject in our house, and book cases in every room, even our bedroom! And me and DH read loads. However, it did not hold them back in their education.
DS is about to qualify as a Dr, other DS just finishing degree in engineering, other DCs doing degrees in biology and maths. When they were at school teachers were always suprised they didnt read, especially as they were very articulate, and knowledgable on a wide variety of subjects. They always said there were things they would rather do, like sport, or going out with friends.
Me and DH used to worry that they actually couldnt read!! Even now, none of them read for pleasure, which is sad, but their choice. if dcs have access to books, then they can make the choice if they decide they want to read.

exoticfruits · 30/03/2013 19:44

You just have to accept they are not you. I was a real book worm as a DC, still am and I have hopes of eventually having a book loving grandchild - I think it missed a generation.

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