To be sick of strangers judging my parenting?

[Doodledumdums]

I have a beautiful 12 week old baby boy, who is absolutely the centre of my universe, but ever since I have had him, I have been absolutely shocked by the amount of strangers who think it is okay to comment on my parenting, and yesterday something happened which has really made me upset.

My little boy is a really hot baby, and sweats a lot and gets himself worked up very easily, which in turn makes him hotter and more agitated. I have established that the best way to help him when he gets hot and bothered is to cool him down quickly, and as soon as he is cool then he immediately calms down and is back to his beautiful, smiley self. (I have checked with my GP and health visitor, and there is nothing wrong with him, he is just a hot little thing.) It may seem odd to some people, especially as it is winter, but the best way for me to cool him down quickly is to stand outside with him for a minute or so, and it always always makes him much happier. Anyway, yesterday I was at a family wedding, and he got himself hot and bothered, so I just took him outside for a moment to cool him down, and we had been outside for about 20 seconds, when a group of women on the other side of the road started hurling abuse at me, telling me to get my f baby inside, and how I was an unfit mother because he wasn't wearing a hat and they were going to report me for child abuse etc etc- I tried calmly explaining what I was doing and that I would be taking him inside in a minute, but they carried on shouting at me until I had no choice but to just go inside to escape the abuse. Am I being unreasonable to be really upset by this? My baby was wearing a vest, a romper suit, socks and little soft shoes, so he wasn't just in a nappy or anything. I can't stop thinking about the fact that I was acused of child abuse yesterday, and I am so upset that anyone could think that of me.

Usually I just get the usual comments, such as 'That baby needs feeding,' when we are out and he is crying in his pram (despite the fact that he is 12 weeks old and weighs 16lb 10oz- so is clearly eating adequately!). Or comments such as 'Get him out and give him a cuddle,' when he is crying, as if I don't know what my own child needs. I did get a rather hostile comment the other day, when I was in a shop and he was crying and a woman said 'Take that baby home immediately and give him a bottle, he's hungry.' (Actually he wasn't, I had breastfed him about ten minutes before, he was actually crying because he was tired and fighting sleep!)

Does anyone else have similar experiences? I am naturally a very anxious person, and get really upset by things like this. My baby means everything to me, and I really do think i'm a good Mum, so why do people keep judging me? I don't understand!

Seriously, though, I do hate it when mumsnet makes me question what I think of as perfectly normal behaviour. I have been saying things like "oh, is he tired, poor pet, would you like me to rock the pram while you drink your coffee?" "Oh, you are having a tough day, arent't you!" "Do you think she'll come to me for a bit?"on a regular basis to total strangers for years. Strange to think I might have been thought interfering and judgy and an old bat and so on........

I get enraged with 'smile, love' comments from random (male) passers by. So can only imagine how angry I'd feel about the comments you describe.

A surprising number of people just HAVE to be right and will never ever admit their initial impression of something could have been wrong no matter what. There is nothing you can do to reason with these people, whatever you say will just make it worse, frustrating as it is.

It sounds like you have been very unlucky with the people you've encountered - hope that changes, and happy easter!

Thereb are clearly a great many stupid, stupid people in the world. When my DD was a few months old, my wife and I took her to lunch in a local pub. She was absolutely charming the whole time, and I felt rather proud so was making something of a fuss of her when I put her back into her pram afterwards. At the table a particularly sour old woman tutted at me and muttered 'for goodness sake' at this apparently unacceptable display of a father showing affection for his child. I repeat, people are stupid. Best to ignore them; they will get what is coming to them in a life that is, I imagine, starved of any sort of joy.

Do please avoid the "sour old woman" riff. Age is immaterial.

Why should I avoid describing someone who is old as old. And she was a woman. And she was very sour. I'm sorry, seeker, but you really do need to get off your high horse

How do you know it was the display of affection this woman objected to? Did she say?

The trouble with putting them all together is it does slightly suggest that it's natural or inevitable for old women to be sour. Personally, in my rapidly approaching dotage, that's something I'm hoping to avoid. I'd like to be dear, kind, little old lady. Hopefully there's a handy template of that version for me to follow too [buwink]
Am sorry your old lady couldn't find any joy in your DD and her interactions with her father weightless - I agree that's a shame and it would seem she hadn't got the hang of life yet !

But why did you pick "old" as a descriptor? You could just as well and with as much relevance have said "short" or "black haired" or "wearing a brown coat".

But no, so much better to maintain the mumsnet stereotype of old women.

And I don't believe for a second that she tutted at a father showing affection for his child. Not for one single, solitary second.

There is a big difference between people who engage with babies try to calm the situation and those who offer critism dressed as advice no one really needs to be sneered at that their baby is hungry or needs held, how on earth would a stranger know what the Baby needs?

My friend responded perfectly when a guy behind her moaned telling her she needs to stay at home and feed her baby not be out galavanting around shops.
She turned to him with a OMG look told him he was sooo right She will just get her boob out (fumbled with shirt) while telling him he would have to hold it in her sons mouth so she could pack up her shopping [bugrin]
Needless to say he shut up and the sales assistant could barely contain her laughter.

But you're old, MrsD. Young people know so much more about babies and children generally than the over-35s.

I withdraw my use of the word 'old'. Feel free to replace it in your minds with 'dried up' or 'crone'.

How very, very icky.

How bizarre op! What area do you live in if you feel able to say, I don't think strangers or people I know have ever passed judgement on me and my baby, even when I had dd at 18! Or maybe they have and it's gone over my head! Maybe I'm just lucky. People often stop and chat to me and my ds I live in a village in a northern town and lots of older ladies chat to us at the bus stop but it's always nice things.

Try not to let it get you down its really them with the problem if they care enough about remarking on a mother and baby they don't even know in a rude way!

I am really shocked that people walking past just started swearing and having a go! I doubt I'd even notice what someone across a road was doing with a baby. Did they seem drunk?

I've got a hot baby too - it's freezing today, and when we just went out for a walk in the buggy, he was wearing a vest, t-shirt and jumper. Refused to wear a hat. Indoors, he often only wears a vest, nappy and t-shirt.

It's hard, but ignore or nod and smile.

That was one of the things I learnt when I first had DD, that babies do in fact sweat, everyone told me that babies cannot sweat, they can. It is odourless though as HV told me the sweat only starts smelling when they go through puberty.

The only unreasonable thing about your post is that someone referred to a fucking baby. Ignore - totally.

OTH I think I'm also guilty of Seekerisms and DeVereisms. I even turned round to the pew behind me where a desperate mummy was trying to keep a very small baby quiet and said "just feed her" and she did with a sigh of relief and peace swept over the back pews.

And at the end it was lovely to say that lots of us had been in the same position and it was lovely to see them there on Easter Sunday when they were doing the hardest yards of all.

I had a hot baby too - he's still a hot baby - all 6'2" of him. He didn't wear a hat or keep his coat on and it doesn't seem to have harmed him.

I still remember the relief when dd was tiny and crying in a cafe and a woman asked me if I was breastfeeding, and when I said yes, said "well, feed her then!"
Somebody giving me "permission" was wonderful.

Ahh, that's so nice of you marriedinwhiteagain - to recognise and encourage those doing the "hardest yards". I'm glad I have those early years under my belt now, though teenage ones can still be tricky at times ! Hope you are enjoying your Easter weekend ? Love to all [busmile]