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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry with this woman?

74 replies

bubblesinthesky · 27/03/2013 22:51

DD finished school today. Her school always finish at lunch time on the last day of term. We arranged to go out to lunch with a group of her friends and whichever of their parents could make it, very casual arrangement with everyone paying for their own share. There were 18 of us altogether including children.

One mum came with her 3 children They all had 3 courses. Just as we finished our puddings and before we got the bill she suddenly said she had to go. Someone said OK we'll just get the bill and she said "oh sorry we're really short at the moment would it be alright to split our share of the bill between the rest of you I can put in a couple of quid towards a tip". A couple of people said that actually it wasn't alright and she said well I'll pay you back after the holidays if its a problem but I thought you wouldn't mind.

There was nothing we could do we had to split her cost between us

Most of us could afford to do this but it just left such a horrible feeling all round. One mum though was on a really tight budget herself and said she couldn't manage it as she'd budgeted almost to the penny herself to pay for this end of term treat so she couldn't take on the extra cost. She was obviously embarrassed being put in a position where she had to tell us that as well :(

Even though I feel sorry for her, I feel so angry that we were put in that position. If she'd spoken to me or some of the others before the meal we could have organised something as we wouldn't have wanted her children left out but it just felt like we'd been deceived when she dumped it on us at the last moment

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 27/03/2013 23:25

She's a chancer. Most people would decline and say they couldn't make it or were skint. I'd ask her for the money back after the holidays, email her with the cost of her share. Cheeky cow.

bran · 27/03/2013 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VanitasVanitatum · 27/03/2013 23:31

That's incredibly selfish of her. I really hope her kids didn't get what was happening, as they would either be so embarrassed or think that it's Ok to take from other people. She has also just ostracised them from a lot of friends, as she won't be invited next time.

ThreeWheelsGood · 27/03/2013 23:33

Wow. If I was in get position I'd nip to a cashpoint during the meal. I guess she thinks you'll forget over the hol and she won't need to pay you back.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 27/03/2013 23:33

Gosh.

I thought people like that only existed in soaps.

Her poor kids. Sad

They just won't be invited anywhere again will they?

CocoNutter · 27/03/2013 23:54

What they ^^ all said.

I am aghast that anyone could ever think this was an acceptable thing to do!!! Is she generally rude or was this out of character?

NayFindus · 28/03/2013 00:03

Wow. SpeechlessShock

thishouseisashittip · 28/03/2013 08:23

Sound exactly like the kid of thing my brother does "oh I seem to have forgotten my wallet..... I will pay you back"" NOT!

That is absolutely shocking though! It's the kind of situation when it's happening you are just so gobsmacked you just can't think straight and go along with it (as in not think quick enough to say either - no we are not paying or sure but we need money back by next week!)

ENormaSnob · 28/03/2013 09:00

Really?

This really happened?

Tailtwister · 28/03/2013 09:04

Wow, that's unbelievable! I do feel sorry for her children though. Imagine how embarrassed they must have been.

She should have just declined the invitation.

anna080 · 28/03/2013 09:18

YANBU, that is disgusting behaviour. I am shocked that anyone could do that, if she couldn't afford it then she could have made an excuse and not gone. She must have known that by dropping it in at the last minute then the group wouldn't know what to say and would probably go along with it! I would ask her to pay back her share to those who covered it after the holidays, and make sure she knows how upset and awkward everyone felt.

2cats2many · 28/03/2013 09:24

Wow! I can't believe she did that. How embarrassing for her children, if nothing else.

Groovee · 28/03/2013 09:33

That is really awful. She went out for lunch knowing it would be at least £18 and doesn't have any money. I'd decline going out for lunch if I couldn't afford it. She really has shot herself in the foot.

catsmother · 28/03/2013 09:38

Like many others, I've declined plenty of invites in the last few years as I literally couldn't afford to go. Which is crap - because you feel left out, you invariably drift away from friends (and miss the opportunity to make new ones) because you haven't got those shared experiences with them and once you've said no a number of times, people stop asking most of the time anyway - which then makes you feel unwanted (even if you're not asked to save your feelings) and I'm sure that some people think you're being stuck up or aloof to boot. So, all in all, it's horrid not to be able to afford to take part in the sort of social occasions that many people take for granted.

But ..... all that aside I can't imagine what this woman was thinking. She must surely know her behaviour was only ever going to shock and upset others and will hardly endear her to them in the future. She'll have burned her bridges well and truly now and lost any sympathy she might otherwise have had if she'd admitted up front she was skint. It simply isn't fair to make your problem someone else's problem as you have no real idea of their circumstances and the resulting effect of your behaviour. I hope she does pay back but how much better it would have been had she asked to do that before going out.

RedHelenB · 28/03/2013 09:44

I'd have said no, it's not alright sort it out with the restaurant! Different if she had asked before she'd had any food.

Teeb · 28/03/2013 09:45

What, she actually ordered a meal for herself knowing she had no intention of paying for it? What a cheeky cow!

Hullygully · 28/03/2013 09:45

I am lost in admiration at her brass nerve

schoolgovernor · 28/03/2013 09:46

I've been in this situation - only 2 children though!
As the rest of the group floundered I called the waitress over "This lady seems to have forgotten her purse and can't pay her bill". In that case the money suddenly appeared by a miracle. But not until the waitress had called for the manager and started to ask for ID so that they could bill her.
I would not have paid in this situation, and I would have done my best to make sure the rest of the group were extracted from the awkward situation.

claudedebussy · 28/03/2013 09:49

it's one thing if she can't really afford it, and orders the bare minimum so that at least her kids are included.

it's quite another to order a 3 course meal and then effectively do a runner.

disgusting, entitled behaviour.

ArtVandelay · 28/03/2013 09:50

I am agog!

DeafLeopard · 28/03/2013 09:52

Quick thinking and smart move schoolgoverner

OP I am astounded at the cheek of the woman.

GetOeuf · 28/03/2013 09:52

Christ that's rude.

I feel really sorry for the mother who had budgeted just enough to go for the lunch and then had to admit to you all how skint she was. She must have felt awful about that.

I would have refused to bloody pay - get her to sort her own money out.

Well actually in reality I probably would have just bloody paid and then felt resentful about for ages.

JenaiMorris · 28/03/2013 09:54

Bloody hell Shock

I hope the woman that genuinely was short isn't too mortified. Many of us have been in her position.

youmaycallmeSSP · 28/03/2013 09:54

Shock It constantly amazes me when I read about this kind of shameless person. I used to think they only existed on MN until I met one myself (and sadly have to work for the lying psychopathic fantasist).

YANBU. If you're that broke you have 3 options: 1) Confide in a friend who's going and borrow the money; 2) Go and spend only what you can afford i.e. drinks; or 3) Don't go. Option 4: nick the money, doesn't cross most people's mind!

GetOeuf · 28/03/2013 09:54

Why would anyone do that though.

I would be too ashamed.

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