to be fed up with constant arguing from my 5 year old?

[CheerfulYank]

DS (will be 6 in July) argues all. The. Bloody. Time. I seriously want to scream.

It started this morning, as I stumbled bleary eyed down the stairs and tried to pee in peace.

He wandered in the bathroom, dropped some Lego on the floor, and left. I called for him to pick them up. He started in with "but these go in here because" and I said no, they don't, they are toys and don't belong in the bathroom.

He kept saying "but..." And "why?!" Ugghh! So that was a fun start to the day.

It's been like that all day now. Just constant backtalk. "Can I have this?" (About an empty Starbucks bottle destined for the recycling bin. Normally I wouldn't care, but his rubbish collection is taking over the house a bit at this point and until I give it a good cull, he cannot add to it. Or my brain will explode.)

He just would not let it go. On and on with "please? Well, just the cap? Why not just the cap? Please? But..." Arrrggggghhhh!

And just now, sending him outside so I don't shout at him so he can get some fresh air, he faffed about taking the longest possible time to get ready. I said "please hurry DS, it shouldn't take 20 minutes to get your coat on." He replied immediately, "sure it should!"

It doesn't work to tell him I'm not going to discuss it. It doesn't work to walk away. It doesn't work to ignore him.

And I'm 32 weeks pregnant and tired AF and can't even DRINK to take the edge off.

I'm fairly certain ds could have a very successful career as a double glazing salesman, he will just grind you down until you agree to anything!

That's a good point ElectricSheep.

He was just arguing about something and I gave him thge 1,2,3 and then calmly told him he had to go to his room until DH gets home. (About 10 minutes).

I had just explained to him that would happen so I think he is testing. Now he keeps yelling "but I forgot! I'm sorrryyyy!" down the stairs but I have turned some music on and am refusing to engage. And feeling calm for the first time perhaps all day.

I'll definitely check out the DVD with DH and work on a plan we can stick with. :)

STOP behaviours are what you want your child to STOP doing. So would be:

Not talking back

Not arguing

Stop using fingers to eat.

when this happens a count of "thats 1" pause to allow child to take control and stop. "Thats 2" if child continues. Pause. "thats 3". and sanction.

START behaviours are what you want your child to START doing and if possible link them to the STOP behaviours:

Use knife and fork to eat. (Have a timer on the table set for 30 seconds - and build up the time - and each time they acheive the 30s they get a reward.)

It is a stage. My 6 yo DD is doing this and I count backwards from 10, she doesn't know what would happen if we got to zero, but the threat works well...consistency is the key though, if you always react in the same, measured calm way (and allow time for the diversionary tactics) they get there in the end. On a good day I react really blandly to everything, it really prevents arguments.

Also, over the faffing about thing: I make it a race against her nearly 3 yo DB, of course, this only works if there is a competitor for the attention

I think it is an independence thing, they want to prove they know as much as you (or more) so argue the toss. Can you imagine what they are going to be like when they insist on having the last word...shudder.

It must be that magical age my ds is 6 tomorrow and we have the exact same issue with him. Just love this phase!

OP, I totally agree with you about not wanting to raise a robot and you want to give him opportunities to express his opinion. This is really important. You need to be able to distinguish what is naughty/rude/cheeky/unacceptable behaviour and what is behaviour that just annoys you sometimes. My DS goes around making siren noises a lot and there are mornings where it's just one pointless question after the other and it makes me want to scream...but is it naughty? Not really, so you can't count it.

The golden rule is to keep emotion out of it. No matter how frustrated you feel try your best not to show it otherwise he will play up to it. Keep calm.

The book explains it really well. But you do need to know what your consequences are...especially for when you are out and about. DS started playing up in Sainsburys once and I did get to 3 and then realised there's no naughty step in Sainsburys! So I think we said he couldn't watch his fav TV programme that evening or no bedtime story.

My three year old is the same. I was hoping it would have stopped by five!