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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be feeling this fat and frumpy?

19 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 27/03/2013 17:44

I had my first baby by c section 16 days ago.

I find this time of day very hard; all my positivity feels sapped.

I am sitting here trying to feed my little girl and sobbing because I feel so fat, frumpy and low.

I have battled with eating disorders for many years and though I have got it mostly under control I am never good when I feel unhappy with my body for any reason. Right now my stomach is still swollen like I am 6 months pregnant and I dont have faith that my tummy muscles will EVER be normal again.

I can't breastfeed either ( have had help but it is just not working) and I feel guilty and upset about tha. Today has been really tough and I know I am ridiculous to be so upset about my silly stomach and crappy milk-covered clothes. I know it is a miracle to have a gorgeous healthy baby.

I am not post-natally depressed but I think this may be a delayed case of baby blues.

I never wanted to pass on my eating issues to my daughter and now here I am sobbing while I feed her ffs, just because I feel so fat and unlike myself.

Can anyone offer any advice or even just a stern kick in the pants?

I feel like I will never ever be normal again.

OP posts:

ratbagcatbag · 27/03/2013 17:47

You will be normal, my dd is 13 days old and I had baby blues, mine kicked in around 8pm though and are easing somewhat. Health visitor said to me perfectly normal. Your hormones are everywhere and it is really tough, I'm planning to get out tomorrow for a walk to see if that perks me up.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 27/03/2013 17:50

thank you ratbag... what is it about the afternoons/evenings??
had a walk today but it is hard as i need help with the pushchair as i cant do stairs (no lifting the buggy post c-section) so i had to wait for my MIL to come round to help... I want to feel my independence again and be able to go around with DD without needing help! I want to be able to walk more for exercise but have to take it slow and short distances. I have been fit and active all my life and this is very hard for me at the mo.

sorry to hear you've struggled too xx

OP posts:

ratbagcatbag · 27/03/2013 17:51

Oh and I feel flabby at the moment, my appetites not here and I need to eat for strength, so reaching for biscuits. Not good.

I also can't breast feed, tried it and spent an extra night in hospital trying to crack it, don't feel guilty, I know it's hard, I even said to the hv today I get fed up of how muh it's pushed and you're made to feel guilty if it doesn't work. We tried and formula is perfectly fine. :) big hugs

MaidMiniEgg2012 · 27/03/2013 17:51

Sweetheart, I feel for you. Both times Iv given birth Iv been apalled at my body, its never been the same. I was a perfect 10, and now I'm a 14 with a jelly belly and stretchmarks. You are not alone in feeling like this

My advice to you would be to concentrate on recovering and then start thinking about your figure and looks. Please dont cry. I cried for hours about this and it got me nowhere.

You will get back to yourself in time. Be kind to yourself xx

Tailtwister · 27/03/2013 17:52

What you're experiencing is totally normal OP. You're hormones are all over the place, plus you're recovering from major abdominal surgery. You will feel like yourself again, but it will take time.

Take all the help you can get and get as much rest as possible. As soon as you're up to it, try to get out for even a short walk. It makes all the difference.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 27/03/2013 17:54

Thank you MiniEgg!
I cant even look at myself in the mirror and when I do I dont recognise myself :(
I knew I might struggle with body issues post-pregnancy but the c-section has really knocked me for 6. My ante-natal group friends all delivered naturally and are getting their bodies back already. I fear I will always look this way now.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2013 17:54

Please don't beat yourself up, it's such early days.

I remember being there though, sat in my maternity trousers two weeks after giving birth thinking where have I gone, I'm not me anymore.

The only thing you need to think about is the baby at the moment.

When the weather gets nicer and you are able to exercise again you can put her in the pram and go for walks and your tummy will slowly return to it's old self.

I couldn't breastfeed. DSs are now 13 and 11 and they are just fine.

You will be normal again. Honest. ((hugs))

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 27/03/2013 17:57

thanks so much everyone.

I logically know it is early days but have got myself in a bit of a state today.

judgy midwife has made me feel like i am giving my child neat gin rather than formula.

I feel that if i could breastfeed i would at least feel that my fat and frumpy body is useful.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2013 18:00

Helpful midwife then. I sobbed upstairs when DH gave DS1 his first bottle of formula. But I couldn't BF and it was making me and DS1 bloomin miserable.

Frenchfemme · 27/03/2013 18:45

Your body has just grown a beautiful new person - if that's not useful I don't know what is!

gobbin · 27/03/2013 20:26

You poor thing, and what a cow of a midwife. I had one a bit like this when I was in for ages after a C section (9 days). I tried for 5 days with the poor bugger getting next to nothing and continued to try as that was what was expected and pushed.

It was down to a superb aux nurse who helped me to stand up for myself and say I wanted to switch to ff and I never looked back. Guilt? Pah, guilt and wonky nipples don't make a baby grow!

What's important is that your little one gets fed, no matter how. It DOES get easier, your body has been through a lot, give it time.

gobbin · 27/03/2013 20:30

Also, I blame all this celebrity 'I had a baby three minutes ago and look, I'm back to being lighter than I was before!' shit you see in the mags. That's because they've got nannies, cooks, personal trainers, P.A.s etc doing everything for them, all they've got left is the gym!

WashingLion · 27/03/2013 20:36

My midwife advised me to wear spanx pants to hold the muscles together. I've had 2 sections and did this after both. It did help. The tummy will go away, especially if you are used to being active.

Babymamaroon · 27/03/2013 21:05

I was like you with a c-section and I also found evening time extremely hard. I'd be fine earlier in the day then suddenly this sense of doom would descend out of nowhere. It's all hormone related so just remember that this will pass and is completely normal. I think mine started to ease by 3 weeks and I know by 6 weeks I didn't have that feeling in the evening at all. Was still knackered though!
Your body will definitely get better with time so don't panic just be patient and healthy. As for milk, it's such a stresser so again you're not alone at all. As corny as it sounds, be kind on yourself and remember it gets better. I promise :)

woowoo22 · 27/03/2013 22:36

I know exactly what you mean. My baby was born by emcs after a long labour 13 days ago. I feel like absolute crap every day for at least an hour. The rest of the time I feel I can cope with the tiredness/pain/not being able to get out as much, but for that hour or so I feel like a failure and completely miserable.

Also have the not being able to breastfeed guilt.

I hope you feel better soon. Have noticed that physically I feel a bit better every day, there's definite progress,but mentally I think it is going to take a long time to process what happened.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 27/03/2013 22:41

Thank you so much everyone.i do feel a bit better as the evening has gone on. That is good advice about the spanx pants I will get some ASAP! I do know that my body has been through a lot and I don't really expect it to be instantly better but it is hard to keep remembering that when I get so low. It is so relentless at the moment and although I am loving so much of the time spent with the baby it is hard to see a light at the end of the changing/feeding/worrying about my weight tunnel...

I have a wonderful DH but he just does not understand the hormone madness and wants to 'solve' everything with practicalities when all I really want (maybe unhelpfully) is a bit of a cry or a moan.

I knew it would be tough but at times I think even I underestimated it.

OP posts:

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 27/03/2013 22:43

Woowoo I am sorry to hear you had a horrible time. I hope you are ok. It helps to know I am not the only one. I wish I could make my DH understand.

OP posts:

tomatoplantproject · 27/03/2013 22:55

Be gentle with yourself - it's such early days and you're in the midst of hormones and recovering from a major op. You're doing brilliantly! You have grown a whole new person and are feeding them nutritiously.

Eat nutritious food and stay hydrated. Have a shower every day and go for a little walk - all these things will help to make you feel a bit more human. Wait til you get a few more weeks under your belt before stressing about diet and exercise - you are the only on judging you right now.

woowoo22 · 27/03/2013 23:06

Thank you emeraldgirl. My DH was so supportive when I was in hospital, but since getting home he seems to be more concerned with doing housework (which is good that it is taken care of, he's knackered too) than just giving me a hug, that's all I want!

Hope things get better soon.

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