to expect other mums to be on time

[tired999]

I have a 20 and a 2 month old. Whenever I'm meeting other mums I try to be on time. As I don't drive this often means waking up one or the other child or getting up very early. I am getting very tired of other people texting me (or sometimes not contacting me) saying they'll me late as they don't want to wake their child (even if they have a very small baby).

Sorry for the whinge but it seems to happen 75% of the time!

YANBU OP, I think most mums DO understand that sometimes you might be a little late (say 15-20 mins) due to nappy explosion or whatever but ultimately, if you are not prepared or not able to work your baby around a pre arranged thing, don't arrange one OR when it is obvious that it is not going to work, fgs, RING the person so they are not hanging about, perhaps unnecessarily messing up their own child's nap or mealtime or whatever. Stargirl, it sounds like you are having a tough time and you could do with some support and no-one is getting at you personally. A group where lots of people are meeting, its fine to be as late you like because the others can just get on until you get there, but if you are meeting one other person and they are SO late (like more than an hour) it is really not on. I had have a friend like this, chronically late BEFORE she had her DD, even worse now, for reasons that are totally foreseeable, eg, baby normally naps 10-11 so we we/re meeting at 11.30. If baby doesn't go down til 10.45, of course we are not going to meet as planned, but instead of letting me know THEN, she waits until about 11.45, then texts, baby still asleep, she has no idea how long she'll be. THAT is rude.

stargirl don't stop going to the meet ups - even though I found it annoying when my especially late friend was ridiculously late and didn't even let us know until she was already meant to have arrived, she is still my friend now, over 6 years later :) I never told her how frustrating I found it to be left in limbo at the park/ petting farm or wherever with 3 toddlers waiting when they were actually ready to go home again because she couldn't get herself to where we were meeting with just one... because that was her one foible and I liked her a lot :) Her DD wasn't a poor sleeper or a tantrumer or a screamer btw - she was a very easy going child, I babysat for her a few times as well as seeing her with her mum, so she didn't have the excuse fo grabbing whatever paltry bit of sleep she could either, some people just think it is OK to make everyone wait for them even though they have it really quite easy!

Also the constant screaming your daughter is doing is a separate issue from the not sleeping - 2 out of my 3 have been terrible sleepers, but all have been pretty cheerful good natured children (when not ill obviously) and have never really been screamy, so you are dealing with more than "just" the sleep - and just needs those inverted commas.

It is annoying when people are very, very late or cancel last minute and say it is because of their small children, but it doesn't mean that you should stop going out - most people can be annoying in one way or another.

YANBU, it's rude.
It's extremely PFB to think your DCs nap is more important than turnig up to see someone who has cleaned and tidied and organised their day around seeing you.

Fucks me of totally when it isn't PFB, but DC 4 who's asleep and my DDs are hyper waiting to play with big sister.

Sorry I was so ranty on this thread. It's just been so hard. It's nothing like I imagined it to be. We got some sleep by taking a circular bus journey from home to home. She likes the motion and I can nap too. The bus driver knows us well!

Stargirl1 just to let you know that I agree with BreatheandFly - screaming nonsleeping daughter now sleeps like a log. Funnily it was also immediately after a session of cranial sacrotherapy that she finally slept - in the car on the way home for about 9 hrs - we never went back - I was too afraid of undoing the Miracle! Another thing to consider is changing formula in case she is suffering a dairy intolerance. Hang in there - it WILL get better and you will once again be a functioning human being.
tired999 sorry to hijack. I have zero tolerance for late arrivals and deal with it by never organising to be somewhere cold, wet, inconvenient, difficult to get to etc without an escape plan. I.e. the cafe next door, or get back in the car and go home. At least it means I can take back the control a bit and I think that's the crux of the problem. Being made to wait puts you in a position of being controlled by someone else. That's how it feels to me anyway - they are busy, you are in limbo unable to be busy too because you are waiting and you don't know how long for or even why.
I think habitual lateness is rude and inconsiderate and I don't think it's difficult to achieve the feat of arriving somewhere on time. Though I know there was a thread on here last week that was interesting on that subject.