To have a rant about dh not waking in the morning to look after baby

[apachepony]

I am ebf my 3 mo, we are cosleeping and I look after all night wakings. We are currently on holiday staying with relatives, but when working, dh generally leaves the house between 10 and 11. Baby generally wakes about 7.30 and 8.30. I will feed him and chat to him, then after about 30 to 40 mins, I will ask dh to look after him so I can grab a shower or have breakfast in peace, and he always says he's exhausted and needs more time, or he's working, and can get annoyed if I persist. We've just had an argument cos I went into him at 8.45 after baby woke at 8am, he said he'ld had a bad night and needed "5 more minutes" and I got annoyed. I went back in at 9.15, and then we had the argument. He says every time he looked in at me during the night we were sleeping. Baby and I were awake for 2 hours with fussiness an trapped win between 4.30 and 6.30, with baby squealing to wake the household (although not apparently dh who is sleeping in another room as this bed isn't big enough for all 3). He had now got the baby and is in a strop. if he did have a bad night, it was probably contributed to by his drinking, which he does most nights any way. AIBU to be annoyed?

He needs to stop drinking

I have the same problem but in reverse. He gets up at 5am for work so its infuriating when he comes in at 2pm perhaps changes a nappy or reluctantly holds him while i get five minutes then he goes bed at five/six pm leaving me to it all again. Hes fine when hes not at work the next day since the day he dared make a face when i aske him to give the baby a bottle. I ripped ten shades of shit out of him and reminded him that OUR baby is half his

The time to address this is not in the morning. The time to address it is when every one is feeling OK, baby is quiet, you can talk.

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Acknowledge something good about him - his housework doing?
Describe the facts - you do all the mornings and all the overnights
Express your feelings - tired/grumpy/taken for granted
Specify what you need - at least half the mornings off your hands from Xam
Consequences (positive) - you will be happy, baby will bond with him more

Try it, it might work.

Ooh mrs pratchett im going to remember that

What job does he do for 5 hours and a coffee with friends? I want it.

I think that when you ebf and co sleep it can seem like the baby is yours if you see what u mean rather than both of yours. No excuse of course.

He is being selfish. Don't 'take the baby to him' either, tell him to get up and have baby while you get some sleep. No asking just telling.

He sounds like a dick, sorry. My DH is out of the house 11 hours a day and still looks after DS for a lot of the time he's home. At weekends he helps me with night feeds (winding etc). I wouldn't expect him to do any less either tbh, he's his dad and I'm on baby duty the other 20 hours of the day/night.

Remind him too that even if you have an easy baby, breast feeding can be quite physically demanding and you need to get enough rest to ensure you're producing enough milk.

Have you tried giving your baby a bottle? If yes and he takes it I would express, leave him with two bottles and go out for the day.

Ha, 5 hours is an average, could be less - cushy! (Most of the time - though does involve weekend working) He isn't the hardest working person in the world...
MrsTerry, that sounds like a good approach.
We don't have a particularly easy baby, he only sleeps on me, is v grouchy without sleep yet fights it too - my relatives here actually seem to think he is a bit of a difficult baby. I love him to bits and love cuddling and feeding him, but do appreciate a physical break from time to time. He does take a bottle and I am determined to spend an afternoon getting my hair done with dh in sole baby charge over the next few weeks! I also need to try to get ds into a bedtime routine over the next few weeks which I will need dh's help with - currently he'll only sleep with me beside him. Already we're disagreeing about this - dh has suggested crying it out - with such a little baby!!! Scared if I do leave ds with dh, he will let him cry.

How can he have a bad night if he is sleeping in another room? You are thee one getting ups feeding etc. Put the baby in à moses basket next to your dp and go and shower and eat. He will have to get used to it.

After an awful night of ds screaming with trapped lower wind (anyone any ideas for helping with this?!) dh did take ds this mornin withou argument so I could get an hour and half's kip. Without complaint!

Glad to hear your dp took ds this morning :)

My ds is the same age and my dp takes him at the weekends so I can sleep (I do the night wakings because I also ebf) My dp goes to work at 7 so he can't help out on weekday mornings but I put ds in the middle of the bed and leave him just in his vest and nappy and he is so excited to be reunited with his legs and feet (after they have been in his baby sleepingbad all night) that he lies there for 20-30 mins so I can grab a shower. My ds can only roll onto his side so he can't roll off the bed.

I would just leave the baby next to your dp and he will wake up if ds is unhappy.

It sounds like he has got used to a very cushy job and is used to not doing a whole lot for a lot of the day. A baby will be a shock. However, he needs to step up and realise his life has changed. Hopefully the morning was just a start.