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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder what came first - "MN speak" or general everyday language

25 replies

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 20:44

This is not intended to be a negative post.
I think it may be an age/culture gap one.
I read MN threads and hear phrases bandied about that I had never heard of pre-MN. This could be because I am older (but really not that much - 44),
So I wonder whether I have missed some "life-lesson" when certain terms were becoming popular. I am especially intriged by terms like Disneydad", "narcissistic", "toxic parenting", "enabling behavior" etc...
Did these terms (which are great and very descriptive) exist a few years ago? Where did people "learn" them? They appear to be used with the assumption that everyone knows what they mean - I must admit that for some I needed to look it up or ask frends!
SO AIBU in wondering what came first - mumsnet descriptive terms or something else?

OP posts:

sleepyhead · 26/03/2013 20:56

Disney dad sounds like it came from the US.

Narcissistic is a term used to describe a very specific personality disorder but which is used by lay people with no mental health experience to describe someone who they think exhibits particular behaviours.

Toxic parenting is self-help territory where lots of things are toxic. I suspect it was the title of a book first of all.

sleepyhead · 26/03/2013 20:57

None of these are mn-specific btw, but probably are much more commonly used on the Internet in general, and talk boards specifically rather than real-life.

Original poster

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 20:59

Oh that's good to know - I thought they were terms that I had "missed the boat" on - but I guess they are more everyday speak than I thought. Thanks for that.

OP posts:

WMittens · 26/03/2013 21:04

Well as 'narcissistic' comes from the name of the Ancient Greek god Narcissus then yes, it predates MN.

Original poster

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 21:13

WMittens - thanks for that cos I would never have made the connection without you :)

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2013 21:16

A few of those terms (and many more on MN) sound like they've come straight from a therapist's textbook.

I don't think they're as 'popular' in RL as they are on here.

I've certainly never heard anyone describe someone as 'toxic' in RL thank god

Original poster

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 21:22

Are they used by younger posters then? I ask because DSD (30) is a psychology teacher and she is more familiar wiith these terms than me. Or is it a case that they become "MN Speak" if they are used often enough?

OP posts:

WMittens · 26/03/2013 21:36

WMittens - thanks for that cos I would never have made the connection without you

No need to get sarcastic, you're the one who thought 'narcissistic' originated from the Internet Age.

manticlimactic · 26/03/2013 21:39

What is a Disney dad? I've heard of the other before I started using MN.

EarnestDullard · 26/03/2013 21:42

I think a lot of what passes for "MNspeak" has been imported from elsewhere and adopted here, rather than invented by MN or MNers. Even the MN classic "Did you mean that to sound so rude" is something I know from a different site going a few years back, although that could be a coincidence.

sleepyhead · 26/03/2013 21:46

I think Disney Dad (I'm assuming this from context) is a dad who gets to seem like Mr Perfect because he swans in and does all the fun bits of being a parent while leaving the rest to the mother (usually ex-W).

I've also seen step mothers refer to their partners wanting to be a Disney Dad which I'm assuming means they want to be nice all the time, spoil their children with treats and never tell them off.

Not sure if it's meant to refer to dads in Disney films, or dads who take their children on holiday to Disney or Disney as a saccharine, unrealistically fun place.

Original poster

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 21:49

Oh WMittens - I'm sorry if I confussed you with my post - I was asking about how certain terms became synonomous with mumsnet. Thanks to your clarification I am now aware that "Disney" refers to a 20th century animator and "toxic" is something that I should be extra careful about; especially when dealing with pedants on MN.

OP posts:

Original poster

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 21:53

I think terms such as disneydad are brilliant as they describe emotions/attitudes/frustrations so very well - in just one word - I think it's a wonderful word.

OP posts:

WMittens · 26/03/2013 21:53

Yes, I'm easily confussed with synonoms, probably because I get them confused with synonyms.

Did these terms (which are great and very descriptive) exist a few years ago?

Luckily it's now all abundantly clear.

Original poster

peppersquint · 26/03/2013 21:58

Wmittens - okay can we draw a truce please? Don't want to go off track.

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 27/03/2013 00:03

Is "cock lodger" a MN concept or did it exist as a phrase before MN?

HillBilly76 · 27/03/2013 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 27/03/2013 07:20

I don't understand what you mean by synonymous with mumsnet.

Do you mean that everyone in the world associates these words with mumsnet? That when anyone says "disney dad", they think of mumsnet? cos I'm reasonably sure that's not true.

Or do you mean that lots of people on mumsnet use these terms?

Tee2072 · 27/03/2013 07:37

Nothing you've listed is unique to MN. I've been on the internet from the start and knew most of them even pre-internet.

Perhaps you've just had a very nice life with no toxic narcissistic people in it?

lottiegarbanzo · 27/03/2013 08:08

My experience is similar OP, it's easy to understand from context what these terms mean but I don't hear them in RL. I'd assumed they came from some posters with experience of counselling and others who've swallowed a few self-help books, then fallen into common use here, including some obviously loose and inaccurate use, as with the great enthusiasm for identifying 'narcissists'.

ginmakesitallok · 27/03/2013 08:10

I don't think any of these terms are particular to MN - DP,AIBU, pombears on the other hand...

Original poster

peppersquint · 27/03/2013 11:56

I mean that they are used a lot on MN. I don't know about other sites as I don't visit them. I meant that I had not heard these terms used in everyday speak until I found MN

OP posts:

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 27/03/2013 12:31

ah, ok, well, no. They're words used all over the shop.

I'd never heard disingenuous or emotional affair used all the time until I was on here, now I hear it all over the place.

I had to look up disingenuous the first time I saw it.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 27/03/2013 12:32

dp isn't unique to mn. the whole dd, dp, dh, ds stuff is just bog standard forum speak.

TanteRose · 27/03/2013 12:37

I do think that some of the vocab associated with psychological health, or lack of it - narc, enabler, toxic etc. is generally more acceptable these days, due to our better understanding of mental health issues

even 20 years ago, these things weren't even talked about

my dad, who is 80, even thinks the word/concept of "stress" is namby-pamby

and of course they are not MN-speak!

also, the acronyms are used across the internet - there are very few that are exclusive to MN, AFAIK

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