to please ask for help. really struggling with body image / weight gain in pregnancy

[MoodyDidIt]

i know i am probably going to be flamed to high heaven for this

i am 33 and newly pg with a much wanted, planned for, DC3

i am already calorie counting like mad and restricting what i eat....i am so starving all the time but i do not want to put much weight on. i did this in my last pg and only gained about 15 lbs there abouts. but i was hungry all the time and pretty miserable. but i loved hearing people comment on how small my bump was and how i was still so slim etc. at one point i was referred for a growth scan by MW as at 30 something weeks i was measuring something like 17 weeks and it still didnt give me a wake up call. thankfully dc was, and is fine and healthy. even when the doctors were stitching me up after my CS they even commented how the bump had gone nearly flat straight the way and this is one of the things i remember most about the birth

i also remember crying in the days after coming home from hospital because i was so hungry and weak from the surgery, i wanted to eat, but i just wanted to get back to normal super, super quick

i think some of it has to do with my 1st pg with DC1, i was with my exH (then H) then and i got massive, put on about 4 stone which was huge for my little frame (five 2 and usually about 8stone). and exH made it dead obvious he was grossed out by me, he would not even touch my pg bump. my now DH (also dad of dc2) was complete opposite, loved and clearly fancied me all the way through, but i just have this obsession about being skinny, and it doesnt matter what he says or does. he was sat with me in the bath earlier and i wanted to scream at him to not even look at me when i got out as i felt so fat and ugly :(

i am not proud of any of this, i was going to NC as i am a regular but if people i get on with on here want to fall out with me i dont blame them :( i feel like i don't deserve to be PG as i am already trying to restrict how big i get and i have not even had my first bloody scan yet ffs., i know loads of people would be so happy to be pg, but its something i need help with, i need some sense talking in to me. please help x

Feeling for you, it sounds like you are in a really tricky place. But by coming on here and talking about how you're feeling, you're acknowledging the problem, and so are already making the most important step.

My eldest sister suffered from disordered eating throughout school and uni, and really struggled with being pregnant at first, but she says there are a lot of women out there facing the same challenges and there's a lot of support available. The first step is to be really honest with your doctor or midwife, so they understand that you're not just someone having a little wobble, but are facing a major challenge, and then to let them help.

She also says not to be afraid that they will push you to gain lots of weight, as they know that wouldn't be helpful - it's much more about focussing on you and your baby and making sure that you stay healthy mentally and physically. You're definitely not the only one, and by speaking out soon you will be able to help yourself and your DC-to-be get the best possible start x

thank you

been trying not to obsess about it today, went for lunch for a mates birthday and forced myself to eat whatever i wanted and not think of the calories, but have felt really uneasy and guilty all day

have remembered another trigger for me as well....the day after i had DC2, MIL remarked how i "still had loads of weight to lose" yes, the Day After have never forgotten that, she also used to comment all the time i was pg saying i was "massive" (clearly, i wasn't)

i can't bear the thought of having to listen to thoughtless comments like that this time round, she is not known for her tact or brains

Put your baby first, speak to the community mid wife at your booking appointment. Mantra in your head needs to be "baby needs".

Oh Moody
First of all, congratulations. Secondly, be proud you've realised this is an issue, that's the first step. Ask your midwife for some support if you feel able, and don't be worried about telling your DP how you feel. Pregnancy is hard enough without struggling with something like this by yourself. Be kind to yourself xx

Hi hun

You def should talk to gp and mw. Dont play it down, tell them your restricting calories and how u feel. Even if u have to write it down and read it out.

I found my hv very supportive as she comes to see my other children - another person u could talk to.

As for diet have u thought of trying slimming world as they have eating plan for pregnant ladies.

Hi Moody. Well done today at lunchtime. It' s really hard to feel relaxed about eating when you feel the way you do, isn't it?
To answer your question, my baby was born four weeks early, and only weighed five pounds. Thank God she was ok, but I will always feel guilty and wonder if my poor eating habits during pregnancy caused her low birth weight . They probably did.

The only way I could cope with the weight gain ( about 25lbs or so), was to cover up and not look at the parts of my body that I hated most. I gained most weight on my legs...they really ballooned and repulsed me, so I spent most of my pregnancy in really long cardigans, which I used to cover my legs when I sat down so that I didn't have to look at them. Maybe that would help??

Regarding food, I must admit my intake was not ideal, but I made sure to have a really good portion of a healthy dish for dinner every evening. With my evening meal I always had an enormous salad ( lettuce, onions, carrots, tomatoes, sweetcorn, cucumber, avocado, seeds and olive oil- delicious). It' s hard to force feed yourself three or more times a day when every part of you is terrified of gaining weight, but if you eat well but lightly the rest of the day, hopefully you will be able to stomach a substantial dinner.

I also went swimming two or three times a week....but I see that you already have two children, so it might be difficult to get time. I found that it calmed me down, helped with the anxiety, and helped me allow myself to eat, as I' d done some exercise. I bet this would help you too. If you find it difficult to get time to swim, maybe you could go for a walk in the evening after your children go to bed. We' re coming into a nice time of year, so evening walks could be really pleasant and stop you fretting so much.

Please try to work out what to say to the doctors when you go for your first scan. Maybe by being proactive, you might feel in control a little more. Above all don't feel guilty. You can't help feeling the way you do. Please let me know how you get on. Will be thinking about you.

Moody, forgot to say in my last post- the hospital put me on Sertraline, an anti depressant, which also really helped. Made me feel quite sick for a couple of weeks, until my body got used to it, but then I felt fine. Maybe you could consider that?

Still taking it now, and dd is 7 months!!

You poor thing. You sound very sad and stressed out. You know that you would feel happier if you made sure that you are eating enough to support you and your baby adequately. I think you need 2000 cals a day until the last trimester when you need 2,300 a day. Please don't risk yourself or your baby xx