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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think i didnt put my foot in it and didnt deserve an ear bashing.

30 replies

yellowpostit · 26/03/2013 17:51

I was sitting with a few people at work, Id been asked if i wanted to join a club, which was one evening a week, but had said no, i cant. I explained im a lone parent, with noone to babysit weekdays, so, its just not possible for me. Someone said how she had been a lone parent for a while 20 odd years ago and knew what it was like, i agreed and we said it can be very hard.

Lady next to me, whos in her early 50's got up and said she couldnt listen to it anymore, i should think myself lucky, some people cant have children and i should not complain at all. And if i am sat on my own, trapped in my house in the evenings, then it could be worse, i could be married. Then she said she hadnt falled pregnant accidentally like teenage mothers. I did inform her that i was married and it was a planned baby, and that in far from a teenager. She then stropped off leaving me rather dumfounded and like i was horrible.

I dont think i did anything wrong, but i now feel awkward.
Verdict?

OP posts:

whattodoo · 26/03/2013 17:53

She has 'issues'.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/03/2013 17:54

she's a tad strange

storytopper · 26/03/2013 17:55

Sounds like she has a lot of issues of her own, but she had no right to speak to you like that or make assumptions about her situation. She owes you an apology.

You could either get her on her own and try to clear the air or just give her a wide berth in future.

storytopper · 26/03/2013 17:56

Make assumptions about YOUR situation... Doh

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 26/03/2013 17:56

A woman at dhs work told me shortly after my daughter died that I should count myself lucky I could have kids as she couldn't and I should be grateful for the 2 weeks I had with my daughter as it was 2 weeks more than she would ever know.

Some people are dicks. You did nothing wrong at all. Just ignore her.

Pandemoniaa · 26/03/2013 17:57

She's the one with the problems by the sound of it. Does she need an entire bottle of ketchup for all those chips on her shoulder?

merlottits · 26/03/2013 17:58

She has issues but I would probably feel quite sympathetic and try to explore why she felt so upset with what I said.
Like lots of things in life, the grass looks greener from the other side. I remember someone screaming at me once when I confessed that when I had had PND I sometimes wished I hadn't had a baby. She told me I was evil as she couldn't have children and people like me didn't deserve them.

We all need to be kinder to each other.

fuzzpig · 26/03/2013 17:58

if i am sat on my own, trapped in my house in the evenings, then it could be worse, i could be married.

Wow.

Missy that is really awful, I'm so sorry you had to put up with that.

CartedOff · 26/03/2013 17:59

You have nothing to feel sorry for and shouldn't feel awkward at all. I find this kind of attitude irritating- that no one allowed to complain about anything because someone else can be argued to have it "worse". We'd all go mad if we didn't have the opportunity to vent about our own personal circumstances sometimes.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 26/03/2013 18:00

Wtf, you gotta the love the lets compare grief brigade. YANAWNBU (you are not and were not being unreasonable)

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 26/03/2013 18:02

And actually you should be livid with her, she was bloody rude

Wewereherefirst · 26/03/2013 18:02

YANBU. She should not have reacted that way. Her issues are not your problem and I assume you didn't know. Not that her reaction was appropriate or necessary for what you were discussing.

Original poster

yellowpostit · 26/03/2013 18:04

Phew, didnt think so, just i ended up feeling about an inch tall.

She had a list of things how it could be worse, like having to share a bed with a husband, cleaning up after them,listening to them snore, I said yes, i had been married and wouldnt swap a bad marriage for being on my own, but that it was still hard.

She then told me i needed a hobby. I said i had one, but again, that being sat in on my own, every eveningfor nigh on 7 years takes it toll. she told me that i could call people and she would gladly do it and i should shut up.

All very bizzard bearing in mind i hadnt even started the conversation, it was just kind of foisted on me.

OP posts:

Wishiwasanheiress · 26/03/2013 18:04

Rude. U deserve an apology. Tbh I'd mention quietly to her boss. Quite quite unprofessional.

tazzle22 · 26/03/2013 18:06

It was certainly uncalled for........and no you did not deserve it

but as others said maybe she was having a really off / depressed day due to her own issues. I think many of us will have said and done things in emotive ( for us) situations that in retrospect maybe was unfair and we might regret.

Maybe she will apologise another day ?

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2013 18:06

She's a prick.

icklemssunshine1 · 26/03/2013 18:07

Definitely not unreasonable! You did nothing wrong! Agree with previous post about some people think their grief is a million times worse! In response to missy when I went back to work after a MC I was told by a colleague that when I had 9 MCs like her then ill know what pain's like!

KoalaFace · 26/03/2013 18:08

What a nasty piece of work!

Steer clear of that one if you can. She sounds like a crank.

YANBU

HildaOgden · 26/03/2013 18:10

I'm guessing she really hates being married

You could always ask her if she wants to escape her own house for an evening,and babysit in yours?

tazzle22 · 26/03/2013 18:12

x posted with your second post ....... that makes it sound a little less like a short, spontaneous and emotive response an dmore like a held point of view she has that is ungracious !!!

BuiltForComfort · 26/03/2013 18:13

So in fact at the end of it all she offered to babysit! not tht you're likely to take her up on it...

MsAkimbo · 26/03/2013 18:15

Do you work in childcare by any chance? This sounds like my life.

Yanbu, fwiw. How ridiculous.

Bobyan · 26/03/2013 18:19

Her husband must be a real catch!

IneedAsockamnesty · 26/03/2013 18:19

Problem solved.

If she would be that happy to do it suss her out much more engineer a meeting with your dc bingo willing baby sitter.

And that's only half a joke.

MsAkimbo · 26/03/2013 18:26

Sorry...just read your second post. Could be worse, you could share a bed with a husband? Good God.

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