in thinking my brother & his DW should be allowed to stay at ours when they visit from overseas?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

...even for one night?!

My brother emigrated to NZ 8 years ago and hasn't been back since. He and his wife are planning to come over for 5 weeks in August. I have no idea what their plans are yet but they will be catching up with a lot of people. I was going to email them to say they could stay at ours for a bit but I firstly asked DH if that was ok. He then said no!!!

We live in a 4 bed house but all the rooms are used by us and our 3 children, plus one room is DH's office / man cave. He said he's happy for them to visit but not stay over since there's no room. I said they could sleep in the kids bunk beds and the kids sleep on our bedroom floor but he still said no. He works from home too so he said it would be 'too disruptive' if they stayed. I think the real reason is though he hates any change and feels uncomfortable at the thought of someone else in the house (!), even though its my brother.

I'm not really that close to my brother though and only speak to him once or twice a year since he left. Tbh I'm not utterly desperate for them to stay here but I just think it would be nice to be able to offer. I've no idea where they'll stay, my parents house is a bit of a cluttered and a manky health hazard so doubt they will stay there. I'm hoping they will be staying at my brothers in laws.

AIBU in expecting they should at least stay at ours for even one night?! Or do you think DH has a point?

Difficult one, I can see his point.

Besides, you're clearly not that close to your brother if you speak to him once or twice a year and don't even know his plans!

I can see DH's argument. It would be crowded and disruptive and you are not used to seeing much of your DB. If they are over for 5 weeks, staying for one night isn't going to make much difference to their plans. If they can afford it, they will probably plan to stay in a local hotel - or something self catering. Have they asked to stay with you?

I would say to your DH that while you respect his POV, this is your brother and you would like to extend a welcoming invitation to him seeing as though he has travelled from the other side of the world and it may be a journey he wont repeat for another decade.

Tell your DH that if cant accomodate this once in a decade visitation then perhaps he can find somewhere else to stay for the night but you will be inviting your brother to stay

OP you seem to assume they?d be keen to sleep in the kid?s bunk beds. Can?t say I?d be keen in their shoes unless money was very tight. I?d email them and say how marvellous they are coming over and what did they have planned in terms of accommodation? If they come back and tell you everywhere they are staying, problem solved. If they come back saying they?d like to stay with you for a few days then you can discuss with your DH. No point having a row over a hypothetical.

I don't think YABU. It doesn't matter how close you are, you would like to offer your DB to sleep in your home for one night. Your DH has managed to get married and have kids - he is not a hermit, he does not have a condition that renders the normal rules of society unbearable to him. He can extend hospitality to his DW's family for one night.

(though I agree they might not be desperate to sleep in your kids' bunk beds!)

Is he usually so selfish and controlling? FFS it's one night, he is BVU!

And some bunk beds will have weight limits so watch out!

Do you think he's worried you (or they) may try to extend the stay once at the house? I don't think one night should be too torturous for him but I suspect your brother and his wife may prefer to stay in a hotel or b&b rather than bunk beds! While I understand his position, I do think he should give a little leeway here if it's only for a night or two (but not if he has reason to believe they won't leave for five weeks).

I've read many threads on AIBU (usually around Christmas time) where a poster complains that her dp/dh has wanted family to stop and the op doesn't want it; the vast majority of posters side with the op stating that it is not fair that if she doesn't want this that it is forced on her - now its the opposite and for some reasonssuddenly the person who is saying no is now selfish and controlling