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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why AIBU is seen as a fighting ground?

42 replies

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 08:18

Having read quite a few AIBUs recently, there seems to be a general consensus that it's a harsher and less supportive section.

Comments along the lines of 'Well, if you will post in AIBU, expect a flaming' etc.

Why is this?

Are MNers who post in AIBU less supportive and empathetic than those that post elsewhere?

And why does posting in AIBU assume that (some) responders have a carte blanche to be rude and/or unsupportive, backed up by 'Well, it's AIBU, what did you expect?'

I'm not trying to start a fight, I'm just genuinely interested and wondering if there's something I'm missing....

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 25/03/2013 12:01

I don't think it is fair to categorise AIBU as a place where the Mean Girls hang out.

However, I do think that many of the binfests occur as a result of OPs refusing to take on board the fact that when they post a thread in AIBU, there's a reasonable chance that some respondents may well concur that they are/have been U.

There might be more traffic in AIBU but for all that, some threads are far better posted in other, more specific areas of MN. Not because everyone is nasty and viperous in AIBU but because reasonability isn't actually at the core of the situation in question.

Original poster

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 12:06

That's true - I do like the ones that start 'AIBU to complain that my toenail is broken' and end up being a bunfight about benefits and entitlement.

OP posts:

Original poster

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 17:08

Also the best moment is when someone who is being a complete arse can actually turn around and admit their folly. Rarely happens

OP posts:

zebedeethezebra · 25/03/2013 17:12

I agree OP. You only have to see my recent post. I didn't expect such HATRED from people. What's wrong with them all?

Pandemoniaa · 25/03/2013 17:15

What's wrong with them all?

They disagreed with you. And neither was there HATRED.

But thanks for providing such a perfect example of why AIBU is not the place to post when one is so certain of one's absolute rightness.

zebedeethezebra · 25/03/2013 17:23

No, Pandemonia. Its supposed to be forum, not a battleground for hurling insults and generally being rude.

You are the perfect example of why people are getting fed up with AIBU threads.

thebody · 25/03/2013 17:23

If you ask a question as in aibu then some will say yes you are and some no your not.

It's not a fight its a debate that sometimes gets heated.

I have personally received fantastic support in Aibu, and been told I am a twat.. Both deserved both times.

Pandemoniaa · 25/03/2013 17:38

You are the perfect example of why people are getting fed up with AIBU threads.

I'm almost impressed.

AmberLeaf · 25/03/2013 17:39

OoOoh! thats you told Pandemonia!

Yep good example of the 'AIBU'.....YES!......'no I'm not'....ok then.

thebody · 25/03/2013 17:43

Er leave pandemonia and amber alone.. It's a robust forum not a pearl clutching coffee morning.

People often ask aibu and get right fucked off when told they are.

DazzleII · 25/03/2013 17:50

If you hide AIBU, you have a completely different MNing experience. If you hide Chat as well, there are some posters you never see at all. Ever.

OhLori · 25/03/2013 18:05

Flaming, name-calling, being abusive and swearing have got nothing to do with "being disagreed with" - though it appears some people here cannot tell the difference.

I do pop in to read the intelligent and interesting threads from time to time, but leave long gaps 'cos I feel demoralised at the nasty girls sixth-form mentality.

AmberLeaf · 25/03/2013 18:18

@thebody

Trills · 26/03/2013 08:21

When the OP shouldn't have posted in AIBU in the first place

It is very simple to decide if someone should have posted on AIBU in the first place.

It's not about whether it is a fighty topic.

It's about whether they are asking if they are being unreasonable.

This thread, for example, if not about whether it is reasonable to wonder. It is just wondering and wanting people to discuss with you.

Telling you that you are or are not unreasonable to wonder doesn't actually answer what you wanted to know - that's why nobody has said YABU or YANBU to you, and that's why it is not really an AIBU thread. If YABU or YANBU are meaningless as answers then the thread shouldn't really be here.

Since it's a thread about AIBU I didn't complain, since you probably want the imput of the mythical "people who only ever post on AIBU". :o

DazzleII · 26/03/2013 16:53

Bloody hell. Is them the Rools?

Trills · 28/03/2013 11:50

Not so much rooooooools as logic.

Are you asking if you are being unreasonable?
Will someone telling you either that you are or that you are not being unreasonable answer your question?

If not, why are you shoehorning your thread in here?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 28/03/2013 11:55

I don't think there's any reason to be cruel to people but I think that if someone asks for your opinion, they can't complain if it's not what they want to hear.

Which happens just as often as someone being horrible

That said, there are ways to tell someone that you think they've been a bit unreasonable/daft/down right crackers without giving them a kicking.

Sometimes I think there are those (few) who just want to say something to hurt/upset. Perhaps because they're in a mood or have some crap and it makes them feel better to be a total bastard to someone else. I dunno. It's sometimes how it seems.

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