To still feed my 5.5 year old child?

[Cannierelax]

He is a horrendous eater. Today I made him chicken pasta and he ate 3 bites of pasta and 2 pieces of chicken in 25 minutes. If I don't feed him he will not eat a varied diet but will get hungry and demand cookies. Aibu to continue feeding him do he will at least eat a few bites of healthy food?

Would the advice to serve up the meal and remove after 15 minutes work with a 2 and a half year old?

As suggested, I would serve up a meal, don't comment on what endows or doesn't eat. If he doesn't eat, after a decent interval say 'do you want any?' 'Are you sure you're not hungry, because there's nothing else until x time'.
Then remove food.
If he's hungry later, either offer back the original meal or some fruit/crudités and cheese or something. If he protests, just say 'I told you there was nothing else, you can have this but no toast/whatever'. Then ignore resulting tantrum (cuddle/comfort, but don't give in).

Repeat for next meal.

It will take nerves of steel but a healthy child won't starve themselves. If worried, gp appt a good idea.

Get Him involved in meal planning and take into account his preferences when cooking.

And read 'my child won't eat' - it will change your life!

'He does' not 'endows'!!

I'd also maybe sit him down and explain the change in rules first. He's so used to you feeding him it will be a shock initially.

Wow! You know YABU. If you are fed up doing it, stop doing it!!! If he was not able to feed himself, that would be different. But he is capable. How hard can it be to just let him eat? My kids are 6 and 3 and I haven't fed either since they could hold a spoon or scoop!

Maybe change up your menu plan? Do you all sit down together? Family meal times in our house usually involve a lot of hands on food, breads, etc. like others say, maybe take him shopping after him being involved in the meal planning. Sounds like you and he are stuck in a rut, and only you can change that.

Ps of course you say no when he says he is hungry after not eating his dinner. He will eat his breakfast. I have great eaters but they sometimes try it on. The answer they get is have a bit of fruit. He will change if you stick to whatever changes you make.

Crumbs just read the whole thread first time I have just dived in and added my thoughts. Sorry OP I didn't mean to come across as harsh.

Have a new schedule and routine - sit down and talk it over. You will have breakfast at X, X minutes to eat it, these are your breakfast choices. Lunch is at X, finishes at X - here are some examples of what I'll be serving. You can have a snack of a piece of fruit or a yoghurt at x o'clock... and dinner is at X, until Y.

So when he doesn't eat, that's ok, he can have another go at the next meal - and he will know how long he has to wait. It wont hurt him to go hungry for a few hours.

Have you spoke to a GP about your issues and his?

YABU. Although I totally understand why you do it. I still sometimes feed my ds aged four and a half. He is thin, and has just been diagnosed with mild SN.

Stop offering biscuits as an alternative to food. He will know that you'll do this. I also recommend reading 'My child won't eat' by Carlos Gonzalez. It teaches parents to be less stressed about their child and food.

Just so that you know, all children (well most) go through a fussy eating phase or two. How you deal with it will determine how they behave. So if they accidentally stumble on a way to get Mum's full attention all to themselves for at least half an hour, three times a day, it's not surprising that they cling on to it.

This is why, being casual and matter of fact about it helps to teach the child that eating is nothing special, it's just something we all do, like sleeping, going to the toilet, having a bath, whatever. A normal part of routine life.

You haven't created this problem but by responding to it the way you have been, you are keeping it going. It will stop if you are clear and consistent.

I would suggest serving a very small portion to start with because a lot can look a bit daunting when you're not used to large amounts. Eat together, at the table, don't pay any attention to whether or not he eats. At a set time, probably when you have finished your meal, clear the plates without comment. You can keep his in the fridge if appropriate and he can have some more later if he asks for it.

That's it. No snacks. If he says he's hungry just say 'Yes, that's because you didn't eat'. Don't offer food unless he asks for it. If he says he's hungry just repeat the phrase to help him link the hungry feeling with proper food. If he asks for a biscuit tell him 'No we are not having snacks, just dinner'. Don't offer him dinner until he asks for it and then follow the same routine as above. Sit with him and if he makes no attempt to eat, remove it after about 5 minutes. If you stick with it he will come out of this phase surprisingly quickly.

'Just insist that they sit at the table until its eaten. Even if they scream the place down.'

Are you serious pinkjules?? That's one way to ensure a child develops anxiety issues around food. In fact my poor misguided parents tried that with me and I developed an eating disorder when I was nine and had big panic attacks at the dinner table. I was genuinely terrified to eat at the table and even now I panic in a restuarant.

I would never ever force any child to stay seated at a table until they eat their dinner and as for falling asleep in it

If I was the parents of your mindees I would be finding my children another childminder!

I feel very strongly about this!

If he says 'I'm hungry' an hour after dinner - don't offer anything thing like cookies/treats etc. Just offer exactly what he was offered for dinner.

Give him a small portion so you always have some extra to give him when he says he is hungry. Or say 'if you're hungry eat an apple/banana/some peas' - no biscuits or junk. Just fruit or veg.

StickEmWithThePointyEnd- yes. I CM a 2.5 year old. She has to sit at the table for about 20-30 minutes, if she doesn't eat the food will either get chucked or saved for later depending on what it is.

She doesn't have to eat the food, but she does have to sit properly at the table, and isn't allowed to get down until everyone is finished.

We've gone from her eating half a tiny slice of tomato at lunch to demolishing a whole sandwich in about 3 weeks.

Would echo something others have said - don't overfill his plate. My children all all good eaters, but it took me awhile to persuade DH that it was better to give them a smaller portion and have them ask for seconds/something else if they were still hungry than load the plate up to start with. They were daunted by the amount in front of them and didn't know where to start!

He may be feeling like the odd one out if he's eating different food from you and dh. You should all eat the same thing (obviously smaller portion for him).

dont give him biscuits and give him a fork and let him get on with it he has to 'try' what you give him he is nearly 6 yrs old when are you going to stop feeding him ? He isn't going to eat him self all he has to do is sigh and winge and there you are.

Some excellent advice on here. Breakfast went well today, I made no fuss when when he left one of his egg waffles, normally I would be screaming," hurry up " 10 times and he still rouldnt eat quicker. I really need to change and be calmer, less involved with him at mealtimes, I was beginning to dread them. I remember being forced to eat as a child and it was awful.I found it difficult eating any kind of meat and still struggle with it today. I will allow him the control of choosing the quantity he eats as well as having a veg/ meat / carb portion so that he has a choice what he likes and dislikes. No more shouting and tension from my part.

you really do need to chill
MY dd was a terrible eater my advice is in hindsight I used to panic if she didnt eat but the bigger fuss i made the more anxious about food she got, just relax give him his meals let him enjoy them and he will eat, It is just trying to change habits, she is 20 now and loves her food , but from 3 till 6 I honestly thought she was going to wither away from not eating, It is in our instincts to feed our young that is why we panic about it

Supernanny episode - might be worth a watch when DS is in bed.

I noticed you mentioned about making him different, less spicy, food. We now have a vast selection of spicy condiments in this house, so that DH and I can add them to food that is mild enough for the DCs' tastes but seems bland to us. That way, everyone is eating the same thing but we can give enough spice for our old tired taste buds to notice.

I'm not in a position to offer much eating-specific advice but can completely identify with the hovering and "screaming" thing which is just linked to your own issue. For me, it's getting ready (so that shoes, coat , teeth etc. becomes a bit of a tirade). It sounds like you need to just step back and calm down! You said that others thought you were overly keen on getting him to eat too much when he was a baby. Today you say that he left one of his egg waffles. How big is a waffle? How many did he really need to eat? Maybe your expectations of what he needs to consume are unrealistic. Agree with other posters - maybe try to eat the same thing together...(how lonely and boring to have to eat by yourself) and if your food adult food needs to be a bit more bland to accommodate that then so be it, for a while. Also get rid of biscuits etc. from house altogether until everyone has a reasonable relationship with food. Even so-called "good eaters" go through tricky phases as they're growing and changing, but try not to get yourself too stressed about it. Agree also that getting them involved in choosing/preparation/ cooking works well as does lots of exercise so that they really are hungry at the right times! Good luck!

Could he also just be a very slow eater? DD1 is, to be honest as long as we don't need to be somewhere I appreciate the time as I eat mine then get the chance to clean my whole kitchen while the DDs finish theirs!

Sort your routine so you have something to keep you occupied while he finishes off and if you have to be somewhere eg school run then you need to firstly choose "fast" food eg a healthy homemade fruit muffin rather than cereal which takes ages to eat (or at least it does dd1!), and make sure you are up in time to give at least 30-40 minutes of eating time.

I would also consider positive attention as that's what he is seeking. So as you put his dinner down casually say "oh look DS I got this new game of snap (or whatever) today, shall we have a game after tea?". No mention of eating up or hurrying up, but he'll get the idea he will get good fun play attention after he eats not negative attention while he eats. Greet any throat clutching food dramatics with ignoring!

Finally I totally disagree with a clock to time him, or forcing him to stay at table until he's eaten or any of a sticker chart or any of that bollocks as its all just stress and attention which is the polar opposite of what you want to achieve. This is bout you, you need to take deep breaths and ignore ignore ignore. I have been through the chucking meal after meal away stage and it's a pita so I feel for you.

Maybe the issue is that you are on his back and keep telling him to hurry up and make him feel nervous?

Glad you had a better morning :)