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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel quite strange when I donn't have my DS

18 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:31

I'm an lp & up until a month or so ago I had my DS 24/7, except for the odd few hours here and there where my DM had him (though it was very rare).

His dad has just started having him overnight every other weekend and I've found that I feel a bit odd when he's not around. It's hard to express but I identify more as a mum than anything else (I'm studying for a degree & do have a new partner but the 'mum' role is the one i'm in 90% of the time).

Am I the only one that feels like i've lost touch with who I am besides a mum/student/partner? I know this sounds a bit naval-gazing but I'm curious to know if anyone else felt like this during the toddler years, when you're completely immersed in parenting & not doing that much for yourself?

I know it's not forever and I'm not particularly sad about it or anything (it's just one of those things) but it does feel quite odd being 'off-duty'. I don't know what to do with myself half the time!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:33

Scuse the crap spelling in the title Hmm

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BegoniaBampot · 24/03/2013 15:34

Felt like this when mine were little as I was with them almost all the time. Remember going out on my own for the first time without the buggy and didn't know what to do with my hands.

thebody · 24/03/2013 15:36

I think everyone feels like this because being a parent does define you really doesn't it. Well it does me anyway. Work ft and at college but its kids first every time.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:37

Yes to the hands Grin Always end up looking like a teenager with them in my pockets so I don't hold them out in front of myself without thinking. I find myself talking about things the way you do for toddlers when in shops etc only to realize i'm talking to myself!

I feel strangely self-conscious without him when I'm in public too. Not because of others...it's just a weird overall feeling being out and about without him & a pushchair.

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:38

That's how it feels thebody

Out of everything I've ever done I feel most confident as a mum & identify as that most because it's what I do most of the time...plus you're often thinking about them before you so it's hard to switch back sometimes (well for me anyway) when you have that time off.

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:40

I'm sure it won't last long anyway!

He'll be starting nursery for a few hours a day soon.

It goes so fast...

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Hawkmoon269 · 24/03/2013 15:40

I'm with you. My toddler is away for the weekend and I miss him so much! I feel a bit silly, but I can't wait to see him tonight.

Sometimes I feel odd if I'm out and about without him but around other parents. I feel like saying "I'm a parent too!" I don't, obviously Grin

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:42

I do feel like that ^ Grin

Feel like saying snap when some poor mum's dealing with a tantrum or holding a very cute newborn etc. I wouldn't but it does cross my mind aha Smile

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BegoniaBampot · 24/03/2013 15:49

i started going out with friends in the evening (eventually) and didn't have a decent handbag. All I ever used was a big old pram bag.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 15:56

I have an 'all in one'. It's a pretty old messenger bag that I've had since before he was born...should probably get round to sorting out a new one Grin

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 16:08

What's it like from the other side? Once they're a little older?

(My DS was just dropped back & have given him the usual bear hug)!
I know parenting is hard & all consuming at this age but I can't remember what it felt like to be truly bored!

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fluffyraggies · 24/03/2013 18:10

I've got 3 teenage children being dropped back from their dad's as i type this and i'm chuffed to have them back. They've only been gone 1 night! Grin

The house felt empty without them.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 24/03/2013 18:15

Yanbu. DS is like my safety blanket, everything's fine when he's with me because I'm his mummy and can protect him, look after him and have a constant little best friend with him.
When he's gone it's so lonely, I don't have a purpose for anything.

hwjm1945 · 24/03/2013 18:29

At first felt really weird not having a buggy attached to me

MurderOfProse · 24/03/2013 19:00

I find myself thinking about much more random stuff if I'm out and about without them.. normally my brain does not get a chance to think much as it's 99% devoted to dealing with them.

Plus as others have said - what do you do with your hands/the urge to give knowing smiles to other parents dealing with children who probably think you're a bit mad if you have no DC with you etc..

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 19:08

Glad I'm not the only one Grin

I know exactly what you mean about your mind wandering...I have a bad habit of over thinking things & getting worried but it's much worse when i'm not looking after a very active 2yr old! Need to get used to it for nursery next month.

It's also dead quiet here without him, though it is nice to study in peace.
I guess it's true that you really don't know what you've got til it's gone! It still seems to surprise me every weekend Smile

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ImperialBlether · 24/03/2013 19:54

Mine have left home and I still find it hard to completely relax unless they're both tucked up in bed in our house!

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 24/03/2013 20:57

He's so small now that the thought of him staying elsewhere that isn't his dad's is a little scary...I need to toughen myself up a little Grin

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