to be pissed off with dh for continually underming me with kids?

[hwjm1945]

2 kids. 9ds and 7ds, dh on probably 8 occasions out of 10, will tell me off there and then if I reprimand the kids.e.g this morning at 6.15 in our bed, cos the older one was uncomfortable- I was asleep_ he started to shout/moan loudly,complaining about it. I told him to stop it, that I had been asleep and it was not fair for him to behave like that.he did not comment on his behaviour at all but instead told me off for telling him off,AIBU?

Please go on a parenting course. I think your DH needs to learn he is a parent and NOT a mate

"God it looks really bad written down."
Because it IS really bad.

Children need parents, not friends.

Have come back to this,at midday son was doing homework under my supervision,did not know answer to something so I got encyclopaedia out,couldn't' find answer. I not sure.dh gave an answer and said he thought it was right,I suggested to ds that to check and get more info he go on internet,ds did not want to. I said I thought he should just to get bit more info.dh then said'no,he doesn't need to if he doesn't want to.I've told him the heart's,God it is such a pain I feel as if I am being watched and found wanting all day long,

You need to have a serious conversation with your husband, because this has to STOP. ASAP. Ask him what he thinks this is achieving in the long term for his sons.

You've said that he is going to this extreme to avoid repeating the mistakes of his parents. Do you feel that your parents parented you well? Could you press home the point that normal parenting is what you are doing, and he should follow your lead if that is what he is trying to achieve? I can appreciate that it might be harder to parent well if you have never seen it; but if you feel that you have, can you lay it on with a trowel that he needs to follow your lead and stop sabotaging?

Unless your husband is a complete moron, he knows exactly what he's doing - he is completely disrespecting you and encouraging your sons to do the same. His own childhood does not excuse what he is doing. The net result will be:

• your sons will believe that you are not to be believed, respected, listened to, nor probably any future female partners of theirs - they will copy the relationship that they see their father modelling with you;
• if you think it's bad now, wait until they are teenagers;
• they will grow up believing that no one has the right to correct them, to discipline them, to tell them what to do - including their mother, teachers, future employers.

Your 'D'H is a twat. He is treating you like some sort of idiot who shouldn't be allowed to parent her own DC. He is setting them up to be uncontrollable at school and unemployable.

Stop him now before this becomes irreversible. If my DH showed anything like the disrespectful, undermining contempt that your H shows you, I would have kicked him out long ago. FFS grow a backbone and stop his abuse - and it is abuse of both you and your sons.

Have come back to this,at midday son was doing homework under my supervision,did not know answer to something so I got encyclopaedia out,couldn't' find answer. I not sure.dh gave an answer and said he thought it was right,I suggested to ds that to check and get more info he go on internet,ds did not want to. I said I thought he should just to get bit more info.dh then said'no,he doesn't need to if he doesn't want to.I've told him the heart's,God it is such a pain I feel as if I am being watched and found wanting all day long,

How often does this happen - every day? Several times a day? It's beginning to sound like he undermines your every move. It must be exhausting. What did you do/say when he said that?

Have you tried reflecting back to him what he's doing? Like saying to him "Can you hear yourself - you've just undermined me. I'd appreciate it if you didn't do this in front of our children." Say the same thing every time it happens, like a broken record.

Or...LTB