To think you get treated better by society in general if you aren't fat?

[SneezingwakestheJesus]

I'm just musing to myself as I'm on a bit of a downer about the weight I've put on while I've not been well and am wondering if I am being unreasonable to think you get treated better in general if you aren't fat?

I've been a size 8 and I'm now more a size 20 and life is so different. Is that because I'm fat or is it because I have less confidence now I'm fat? Thinking about it, I don't think I lost confidence until after the nasty reactions I've had since being fat so I don't think its the lack of confidence but the fat itself. I've had nasty comments from strangers when I was minding my own business on a train, had a snarky comment from a practice nurse when I changed doctors just after I had my baby ("don't you WATCH your weight?" with a disgusted face as if I was shit on her shoe) and I find generally in shops and stuff its a lot rarer now to be looked at when I'm spoken to even though I am as nice and polite as I was when I was thin. Its like I'm wearing a cloak of invisibility made out of my flab or something and it feels very strange.

Its got me wondering what else will be affected by this new invisibility/reaction to me being a fat person. Job interviews? Meeting new friends? Taking dd to toddler groups?

AIBU?

YANBU.

I agree with the OP. I am not over weight, but there are definitely people who do not make comments about weight to people's faces, but say it behind their backs to others.

I've always been overweight but am at my biggest now at a size 20. My smallest was size 14. I used to get a lot more attention from men when I was a 14 and 16, but then I didn't have a husband and 2 young dc back then either.

I don't go out to pubs etc with friends because I know from experience that I would get nasty comments from drunk twats.

Funnily enough though, my confidence and self esteem are actually much better these days than they were when I was 5 stone lighter.

Aah, big spork and imperfect pirouette.

Thank you for your contributions you nearly made me cry imperfect.

Hands up I am guilty of most of the things you have said. Well think them I would never point and whisper/ comment or tell random strangers unsolicited that they should gain weight. But I would absolutely think it and perhaps even mention it later to a friend.

I'm sorry, I really should have known better tbh my best friend has struggled with anorexia these last ten years and I have often been quite frankly impatient with her.

Sometimes because she has been selfish and unthinking ( for instance telling me and her gf who have both struggled massively with our weight that she was getting fat when her size 6 jean got too small )
But often unfairly, I think I'll give her a call

Yy to agent and others saying that basically people judge you whatever you do so best just stop caring!

I do agree with you in general OP, but I think Worra has it right.

In fact personally, I have found I've been treated worse by people local to me since I lost a lot of weight, as they are all bigger and I'm not. (I won't say they are jealous, that sounds a bit too Samantha Brick doesnt it )

I am a size 32 and yes, people do think they have a perfect right to comment on my size. I weigh almost 24 stone. I am not particularly greedy, but I choose fattening foods over healthy foods everytime. I'm not naturally lazy but as I have got fatter everything has got harder to do, making me less active as a knock on effect.

I never go to the doctors as there is absolutely no point, everything is blamed on my weight. I'm not stupid and I understand that my weight is likely to aggravate many things but I do wonder if one day I'll die of something perfectly curable, because no one bothered to look for it.

I've never been thin so I have no comparison to draw on how people would treatment if I were. My friend however has just (over the last few years) lost six stone. She feels more paranoid and embarrassed about her shape than before and can't bear people looking at her. Prior to weight loss she was vivacious and confident.

One thing worth mentioning when talking about people being gratuitously rude. When out with this friend she often mentions to people that she has lost six stone. Three times in recent weeks, the people we've been chatting to have made comments along the lines of " looks like your mate found it". Charmless tosses.

Yes! I am 6 stone lighter than I was 18 months ago and yes I am treated very differently now. It is crazy but true. I get better service in shops, people generally are politer especially men!!! No one offered to carry heavy things before or smiled at me for no reason. Is it really because I look better now! I guess it is. I would never go back to how I was before but it is sad that I get treated differently because of the way I look.

Or ugly, or have gray hair & wrinkles, or facial scars or red hair for that matter.

I wouldn't treat it as fattism; more like uglyism.

I think you are lacking a wee bit of confidence tbh people judge fat thin big small all the time not just fat people, people who are over weight will notice it because it related to them, woman who are really tall could think the world is against tall people etc etc,

yanbu sadly!

I am under 5ft tall and sometimes treated like a kid and people awwy me when I say i wear size 2 shoes, I am a 41 yr old grown woman who happens to be small pisses me off

YANBU
I lost 3 stone and was treated very differently. People want to bother with you in general a lot more. Really made me re-evaluate a lot of people.

I used to say, look I'm the same person you know, just less fat. Sadly I also think that their reactions do affect your self-confidence - subconsciously even. So, conversely, when you are fat it can bring down your confidence and self-esteem as people look 'through you'.

That's interesting to know Imperfect because I was actually going for this Worra fuckin liberty

Wow I really had no idea that just being out and about you could get lots of glances and smiles and help etc. Always having been fat I guess I didn't realise. In clubs was different. Never really had problems finding a man. And my DH loves me at size 20. Though did go down to an 18 but pregnant now so back up again! I dunno, I find this all really interesting because I had no idea about it.

if you are fat, people treat you like dirt.

Yanbu.

I was always overweight as a child and teenager, size-14 but over the years it crept up to a size 20.

I then lost 6.5 stone with LLife and was a size 8. It is amazing how differently I was treated. My experience is that people you know will comment on your weight when you are thin but rarely when you are fat, whereas strangers will comment/shout insults when you are fat but treat you like a normal person when you are thin. It was annoying to put up with all the 'don't go too far' comments from friends but so worth it to walk down the road without feeling utter shame and fear of being laughed it. And yes, get treated nicely.

I once cried thinking of how much my fat teenage self had missed out on (although I always had a bf). Just being able to enjoy getting dressed up and not worry about getting shouted at in the street ('I wouldn't fuck you' is one lovely memory)

The weight loss was several years ago, initially I maintained well (I took up running - unthinkable before) but in the last couple of years during a period of depression I have let the weight come back on. I am so angry at myself and now am carrying around (with my large bottom) even more shame than before (I'm sure my friends are thinking, I knew that silly diet wouldn't work long-term) as well as the knowledge of what life was like as a thin person.

I was particularly angry that I had let myself gain weight at a time when I was ttc, although conversely I was happier with my body as a pg woman than ever before - a mixture of my body being useful and also the bump being what people saw/commented on rather than my arse.

I think LLife 'worked' for me (in that I found it easy to stick to, obviously I lost weight from lack of calories) because it eliminated sugar from my diet and addressed emotional issues. Those two factors esp the second don't seem to be the focus of Govt and other campaigns tackling obesity but I believe they are key for many.

I didn't quite mean to write that much but it's an emotive issue. Yanbu.

YANBU :(

How is your health now?

There are a lot of us low-carbing if you want to join us. I have a ton of weight to lose, so I'll be hanging around for a good while! I've lost 19lbs in 2 months, when I haven't been able to do it any other way in the past. Also, I'm doing it as a vegetarian - so if I can do it, anyone can. Some others (meat eaters) are having even better results and it's not all meat & eggs - you can eat lots of lovely veg too :)

The latest thread is here

MsJupiter, I am angry at myself too for not stopping when I saw the weight creeping on. I started to use food as an emotional crutch when I wasn't well and then ate more and more the unhappier I became. I could see it happening but when I was sad, it was always food I reached for because I didn't have people. I agree that emotions seem to be at the root of a lot of weight gain.

Chipping, my health is almost back to normal now (apart from the weight!) so I'm starting to feel ready to address my weight and try and change things. Ill check out that thread thank you! Congrats on your weight loss so far! That's definitely inspired me a bit :)