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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you be upset by this teen behaviour?

46 replies

honeymoonperiod · 22/03/2013 16:29

Lashing down with rain here most of the day. I was on my way back from the friday shop around the same time as ds (13) comes out of school. Usually he doesn't mind walking back in the rain - it's only a 15 min walk - but it was so bad and I was nearby I thought I might as well pick him up.

Texted to say I would be waiting along the route. No response to text, I assumed he hadn't noticed it. Then saw ds and group of friends ahead of me, too far for me to shout. I drove a bit further down and drew level with the group wound down the window and called his name. He turned and saw me, the rest of the group turned as well, then he turned away without speaking and they all walked off. I could see the other boys talking to him and looking back at me but he didn't turn again.

I know your parents are embarrassing when you're a teen but surely blanking you in the street is taking things too far? As soon as he came in I sent him to his room - feel too upset to ask him for an apology at the moment - AIBU?

OP posts:

WestieMamma · 22/03/2013 16:33

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's one thing being embarrassed by your parents, it's another being rude.

YouTheCat · 22/03/2013 16:34

Sounds like pretty horrible normal teen behaviour to me.

Chat to him when you are calmer about manners and then warn him that you will embarrass the crap out of him if he ever does it again.

quoteunquote · 22/03/2013 16:35

It's rude,

did he get the text? or was he caught unaware and just froze with the correct response?

have you already met his friends?

HarrietSchulenberg · 22/03/2013 16:36

YANBU. Ds1 has done this to me and to my mum. He said later that he didn't see us but it was obvious that he did. No advice I'm afraid but at least it wasn't you that got wet and cold.

dietstartsmonday · 22/03/2013 16:36

Think i would have been tempted to do a silly run down the road calling his name
YANBU he only had to say no i'm walking.

BellaVita · 22/03/2013 16:37

If I drive past DS1 (15) when he is walking with his friends to the bus stop on a morning, he pretends not to see me.

Typical behaviour.

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 16:38

He should apologise and you shouldn't take it too seriously

You've said yourself that you know they can get embarrassed by their parents when they're with their friends at this age.

I would have shouted 'MUMMY'S GETTING YOUR TEA READY SO DON'T BE LATE' after him

YouTheCat · 22/03/2013 16:38

Do you have a pet name from when he was small? I'd be making all of his friends aware of it, ruffle his hair a lot and just be as annoying as possible.

I'm pretty sure it will cure him of his selective hearing.

Hopasholic · 22/03/2013 16:38

YANBU. Mine hasn't quite got there yet and is still happy for me to turn up as long as all his mates can pile in too. I can remember being absolutely furious with my mum turning up at school though when I was about 15 as everybody took the mick.
Next time he does want a lift somewhere, tell him to find a friend to walk with

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/03/2013 16:40

I know we are embarrassing blah blah and you aren't meant to talk to them when they are with their friends, but yep. I'd be pissed off too.

I think they are paranoid about doing something uncool at this age but it escalates into thinking the most basic politeness are uncool.

I'd calm down and ask him to come to an agreement with you about basic manners. Whether that is simply acknowledging you with a smile.

lljkk · 22/03/2013 16:40

I wouldn't be least bit offended, I'd be pointedly reminding him why he could expect no spontaneous offers of lifts in future.

INeverSaidThat · 22/03/2013 16:43

I would be cross about that and I would tell him off. I would let him know that if he pulled a stunt like that again in front of his friends I would give him something to be embarrassed about

I am really happy to ferry my DC's about but expect them to be very grateful IYSWIM. My DD once kept me waiting in the car and I told her off in front of her pals much to all of their surprise. coz I am usually lovely She has never ever kept me waiting since.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 22/03/2013 16:44

Rude. Next time he asks for a lift, look at him, then turn and walk away.

I'd have shamed him there though.

pictish · 22/03/2013 16:44

Yanbu - it is certainly the type of thing that teens do, but it's also fucking rude, and a good opportunity for him to learn a lesson in manners and maturity.

I would not tolerate being dismissed so coldly.

claraschu · 22/03/2013 16:45

I was rude in a similar way to my mother when I was 13, only to have my cool friends (whom I was desperate to impress) reproach me for being horrible to her. Now THAT'S embarrassing!

Original poster

honeymoonperiod · 22/03/2013 16:45

Aww thanks all - you've put a back on my face with your suggestions for getting my own back - sooo tempting! I do understand about the embarrassment and I have learnt not to intrude when he's with his mates but there's a limit to the thickness of my skin.

Just went up to talk to him - fast asleep! Bloody teens...

OP posts:

claraschu · 22/03/2013 16:46

It taught me a lesson which I never forgot.

ihatethecold · 22/03/2013 16:46

I think it's really rude. I would not be impressed if my DS did this.

Hope he makes you lots of cups of tea to try make it up to you

itshothere · 22/03/2013 16:47

Yanbu but don't be upset. I'm not saying it's right or acceptable but it's typical teenage behaviour. It's not about manners and respecting you, I'm sure you've done a good job. It's hormones and peers. My DS has has behaved 'badly' once or twice in front of his mates. When I talked to him about it (in private) he really was quite ashamed. Talk to him later but don't take it to heart.

popcornpaws · 22/03/2013 16:48

I think it sounds like an average 13yr old boys behaviour in front of his pals, I wouldn't give it another thought, it's only rain and he probably just didn't want to look like a wimp by getting a lift home so he didn't get wet!

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 16:50

I know strictly speaking it was rude, but it can be difficult to keep it together with DC of your own age at 13.

It's OK to say he shouldn't care what his friends say and they're not worth knowing if they're going to be shitty about it etc, but for most children even the gentlest ribbing can be built up into huge proportions.

It's that horrible cringing stomach churning situation I remember well, and it probably happened so fast for the OPs DS that he didn't know what he should do for the best.

You're his mum OP, you must know he loves you beyond anything else and that your relationship has a bit of leeway for young teenage angst.

Original poster

honeymoonperiod · 22/03/2013 16:52

So what do you think - should I punish him with no laptop for today or just get an apology and leave it there?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 16:52

'Just went up to talk to him - fast asleep!'

YouTheCat · 22/03/2013 16:53

I'd go for the apology and make sure he knows what will happen if he does anything like it again.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/03/2013 16:53

I think the hard thing is that teens think they'll get ribbed for things they won't get ribbed about, but they'll never know what those things are.

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