Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To have lost all social skills since having a baby?

28 replies

opalescent · 22/03/2013 12:28

Before I gave birth, I'd chat away quite happily in the supermarket with people I knew. I'd have amusing conversations littered with witty exchanges, and remember to ask about their lives too!
Now I sigh inwardly when I see a familiar face when I'm out and about. Because I know I'm about to have an awkward few minutes, of desperately trying to make adult conversation. Literally, all words disappear from my head. I don't get little quips. I struggle to answer the most basic of questions. I can actually see people thinking 'ummm, is she OKAY??'.
It's highly annoying!!
Baby 14 weeks by the way, and yes, I'm getting a decent amount of sleep!!

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/03/2013 12:35

Wait 'til you get to the point you travel alone on public transport then exclaim aloud, "Ooh there's a tractor! Look at the sheep! How do dogs go, 'Woof!" or reach over and start cutting up an adult lunch companion's food with your cutlery, that's the time to start worrying

Fakebook · 22/03/2013 12:37

It gets worse after 2. It did in my case. Keep yourself engaging with adults as often as you can. Force yourself to have conversations with strangers in supermarket queues and stuff. Older ladies are good to talk to to practise on.

jelepomme · 22/03/2013 12:41

I got this. I was painfully awkward. Even with old friends. It has slowly gone away but has taken a long time (my baby is 18 months and I now feel quite a bit better). Your entire life has changed so much, you should expect to take some time to adjust. Talking to other parents should help.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/03/2013 12:45

Just realised you might be anxious, sorry if I was tactless - this should wear off, if they know you people will probably want to coo over your baby, let them lead the conversation. Is there anyone near you who has also got a young baby, someone to compare notes with, go out with? Don't let it put you off going out and mingling, once the weather cheers up it will do you and your baby good to get out and have fresh air.

Iwantmybed · 22/03/2013 12:54

I totally get this too. Since mat leave and this shitty weather I've pretty much become a hermit and find myself saying dumb things to people then worrying about whether they think I'm dumb. For this reason alone I'm looking forward to going back to work and interacting with adults that I know. I don't really like baby groups they are so boring and DD is only 6 mo so doesn't really play and I'm constantly moving her out of the way of trampling toddlers. So I'm at home for the majority of the time.
Sorry OP nothing useful to add just know how you feel.

GailTheGoldfish · 22/03/2013 20:05

Me too, if you want to know about DD I can chat for hours, otherwise I have nothing. Going to a social event tomorrow and a bit nervous - ridiculous really!

CognitiveOverload · 22/03/2013 20:09

Exactly the same thing happened to me. I did get over it eventually. ..

Fluffymonster · 22/03/2013 20:12

Yup - don't worry, some of it comes back after a few years.

Except in my case, I found after regaining some (though not all) faculties, I realised I didn't really care as much about social skills as I did before!

fertilityagogo · 22/03/2013 20:13

Yeah same here. It's been 4 years (2 dcs).

I am better now, but not the same. Thank God for mumsnet.... The chat boards make me feel semi-normal.

I do struggle sometimes with a)humour (I think I used to be witty at times) and b) basic vocabulary!!!

sherazade · 22/03/2013 20:14

wait till you have friends over and start wondering how many bibs to put out with your cutlery and plates when setting up the table.

CookieLady · 22/03/2013 20:17

If it makes you feel any better the other day I was "can I take your name?" I couldn't bloody remember it!

CookieLady · 22/03/2013 20:18

*I was asked not I was! I really need to get some more sleep!!

HollyBerryBush · 22/03/2013 20:18

Is it any help that I have 3 children and have owned a brain full of boiled cabbage stuffed with cotton wool? it is only now the cloud of feckwittedness is clearing and despite being a decrepit 48 yo - woo*woo - career back on track?

It's not is it ? Ten years in the wilderness AND, AND, AND - I found some tights and a skirt - oh yes! which went nicely with my promotion

HotCrossNaanAndRessurectiOn · 22/03/2013 20:19

You're not the only one. Everything revolves around the baby for so long, its hard to break out of it after a while.

I once said "Ooh look a digger!" in a car full of senior management on the way to a meeting. They looked at me funny. I deserved it .

jelepomme · 22/03/2013 20:24

Yes - I had that thing where I analysed everything I said, decided it sounded stupid, and then just gave up. It really has improved, particularly since going back to work. But I spent some time practicing small talk before I got there. My special topics were compliments (get someone talking about themselves puts you at ease), the weather, things on the news. I now blurt lots of weird shit out to people on the bus etc, and Don't really care anymore. Good luck.

CombineBananaFister · 22/03/2013 20:28

I was like this too, it was almost like I didn't know who i was anymore, let alone not just knowing what to say. It took me a while to get back to normal i just felt I didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute to a conversation and it was painfully awkward.
Starting work was a good step to be interacting with adults again and to feel like I knew what I was doing again. I think that was a big part of it for me, having a baby made me anxious that i wasn't doing the right thing with sleeping/weaning etc as there are no hard and fast rules and I'm a bit of a control freak so it knocked my confidence a lot. Whereas before, at work/uni etc you can gauge how well you're doing at things iykswim - it' sounds odd, just can't seem to put it eloquently.
I should point out I'm not comparing my Ds to a dissertation or that I don't prefer being with him to work, I love him to bits . I would just persevere with getting out there as the longer you leave it the easier it becomes to become a hermit.

Sizzlesthedog · 22/03/2013 20:41

I am still like this after 19months. I lose track of what I'm saying mid sentence, and then do a lot of um er and look puzzled. I think my thought process is so used to being disrupted, that now it disputes itself.

I worry I bore people too, or talk too much.

Sizzlesthedog · 22/03/2013 20:42

Disputes? Disrupts. Damm autocorrect.

honeytea · 22/03/2013 20:50

I am great at talking to people now, I just talk about my baby who is obviously the most amazing baby and everyone I meet will be very very interested to hear that this week he learnt to roll onto his side, he is on day 2 with no poo and we are not sure what colour hair he will have it lookes either red or blond depending on the light

(I'm not going to have any friends left)

WhatsTheBuzz · 22/03/2013 21:38

same here - if someone I don't
really know talks to me unexpectedly, I struggle to construct sentences.
It's embarrassing making a tired
attempt at witty humour for it to be met with a blank/concerned look...
dohh.

lovestea · 22/03/2013 21:55

My best friend had four babies over seven years. So, a lot of baby. When the youngest was two she decided to have an adult dinner party. Brave girl. Invited her DH's boss, wife, and several members of DH work team. She put a whole lot of work into the dinner. Come the night all was swimmingly well with the food, table, atmosphere, and best friend was so, so pleased that she had once again entered the world of grown ups instead of her daily dance with little ones. She was sat next to DH's boss and was more than pleased with her confidence and of the moment talk, until the table fell silent. While she was regaling DH's boss with quips and jokes she had also taken his knife and fork out of his hands and was cutting up his meat...

CharltonHairstyle · 22/03/2013 22:03

Oh God, you sound like me!

Actually, I'm not so bad with my nearest and dearest, but when I bump into someone I know reasonably well but maybe haven't seen for a while I'm a bloody nightmare!
I seem
To have forgotten how to take an interest in others...I cringe when I think back to myself going on about my own life and not asking about theirs

sjupes · 22/03/2013 22:22

My ds is 16 months and i'm 20 weeks pregnant with dc3 - i panic when people talk to me these days i'm so used to 'deciphering' ds and his baby babble so concentrate really hard on people talking but hear... nothing

I also tune out a lot i'm so used to my own company and ignoring the kids when they start yammering on i completely blank people..

It will get better i remember from dd was around 3 or 4 i was 'normal' ha so i had 2 years of being me before anti social mum took over!!

sjupes · 22/03/2013 22:23

God i just realised i blank dp a lot its got that bad lately he's started calling me mum to see if i'll answer..

What a life!

MyDarlingClementine · 22/03/2013 23:24

Yes struggle all the time usually, and because I feel so brain dead and odd, its a self perpetuating situation where I say quite odd things, then act even more odd because I am embarrased.
I cannot for the life of me remember anything samey, samey faces or names. Everything is merging together in a big block of grey sameness.

Thankfully though I think one small blessing is that when I get occasionally asked about eating or sleeping habits of baba I dont go off on a detailed account of sleep times and which boob I fed with at what time. I manage to curtail that diatribe, just.

Flip

1 2