To be absolutely Livid and to complain to the school in writing?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

DD2 is just turned 5 and in reception. She has a "friend" who is called E. DD has often come home in the last 2 months with tales of "E hit X in the face with a spade because she wasn't allowed to play with me" or "E strangled Y because Y wanted to play with me."

In the last week DD has come home daily with a complaint about E and on Wed she said E hit her and took another child's book and put it in DDs PE kit bag.

DD told the teacher....she has never told on E before when she has pulled or pushed dd about as she thinks of E as her friend allbeit a bossy friend.
Anyway...today I went in to school and as the teacher was in the office with E's mother, I had to tell the TA all about E hitting DD yesterday and the ongoing complaints.

The TA told me that she had put E in "Amber" on Wed for the hitting of DD but had not been aware of E's bullying of DD prior to this, she said she would keep a close eye on things today.

I just bathed DD and her leg is COVERED in bright red thin scratches...the sort of thing that comes from a sharp piece of glass or a sharp stone. THey are criss crossing DDs entire front lower leg...loads of them. They stung Dd when she got in the bath and she says E did it.

AIBU to be livid? I don't know how this child is getting away with hurting DD and others on a daily basis.

What do I do? How to tackle this. I don't want DD NEAR the kid again. I was prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt before...I put it all down to little children finding their place...I was even going to ask the childs mother if E could come and play at our house one day.

Not now. What kind of child inflicts such concentrated nastiness on another?

Hang on, stop!!!

How long would it have taken for these scratches to have been inflicted and why did your dd just sit there whilst this went on?
Are you sure E did this? (as I cannot imagine anyone, let alone a five year old, sitting still whilst someone else carved a criss cross pattern into their leg???)
Seeing as your dd later on said E did not do this, can you be sure these are not self-inflicted? As I just cannot imagine her sitting still long enough for E (or anyone else) to do this?

I'm not sure I've missed something,I'm reading pretty fast, but what has your DD said happened to her legs? What scratched her? If E didn't do it who did?
This is clearly bothering you so you must speak to school. Try and keep it calm and factual, this yields better results!
Be prepared to be told a slightly different versions of events, they may see things you don't!
They should agree to try and supervise the girls better and do their best to keep them apart BUT this will only work if your daughter is on side with this. As others have said if she allows herself to be drawn in there is little they can do.
Keep reiterating to your DD that this behaviour is unacceptable and she doesn't need to put up with it. She has other friends and can speak to the adults for support.
Clear up with your DD her version of events.
See what school have to say.

It's much better to email the head as then it's on record and response has to be more official. It also means that you can approach the governors if the bullying is persistent and the school fails to deal with it.

She may be hitting DD because DD is blossoming and becoming more popular. You can tell your child/teacher/TA/Head that DD is not to play/sit next to/be paired with child. That would be a start.

You really do need to find out exactly what happened instead of going in all guns blazing.

There's a possibility that both girls were doing this to each other as part of a game and it didn't feel sore at the time...only when the warm bathwater touched her legs.

Of course that might not be the case, but equally it could be.

ross, is that you?

Whose Ross? I thank everyone for sorting me out a bit over this. I don't want to keep quizzing DD abuot the marks...you know when they change stories and you keep on at them it all gets muddled.

She said E did it at first...with a stick...then she claimed "No E didn't do it..I did." which my instinct told me wasn't true...I felt she was saying this because she knew I'd be angry about E hurting her.

Those asking "Was she just sat there while E did this?" yes...she said "E was scratching me and I was scared of her." It was "in the play equipment" apparently which is an area with tyres and trees...it's a large, rural grounded school. There are lots of quiet spots there.

E is a big girl and is intense. I don;t doubt a bullying 5 year old COULD make another, shyer one sit still while she hurt her. As I said earlier, as a small kid a friend of mine pinched me multiple times one day at her house...for fun...I let her...I never left...I sat and let her do it!

Kids are funny things.

I won't be accusing E about the marks though I will mention them in relation to DDs trouble with E...whilst reiterating that I am not sure how they came about as I couldn't get DDs story straight.

I WILL be asking that DD is encouraged away from her though and I know they will do it as a friend of mine had her son encouraged away from another child in the same class...

The teacher will keep them apart if there's good reason but you have to ensure she knows what's happening.

Ds1 has a similar 'friendship' with a boy in his class. Sometimes they get on fine but the other boy has issues and can be very rough and aggressive.

a while back ds1 was getting quite upset due to a string of incidents, I mentioned it to the teacher and she hadn't realised the extent at all and said she'd separate them as much as possible. She told me to tell ds1 that he had to tell her every time so the other boy could be spoken to and arranged a safe way for him to do so if he was afraid to speak up in front of the other boy. I'm sure your dds teacher could implement something similar if you asked.

Remember the teacher has a lot of pupils to wrangle, her attention can't be everywhere at once and children are experts at knowing when the supervising adult isn't watching. This girl will most likely be purposefully waiting til the teachers back is turned and relying on your daughter not saying anything.

One thing to think about, is it possible that E has built up a bit of a rep for being a naughty child so everybody says she did everything?

I ask because years ago when my eldest was about 8 there was a child in the class who this applied to but things were attributed to this child when it was not physically possible for her to have done the thing.

Every day I was regaled with a tale as to what this child had done and one day I snapped and went into the school to complain.

I seriously looked like a complete tit when it turned out that this child was not even in school full time due to attending a specialist unit in a different school 2 days a week and most of the incidents happened those days.

Turned out the teacher had a very vocal and open issue with this child who had not done much wrong at all and the kids had picked up on it.

Sock it's a good point but these are very young DC...they've only been in school since September...the child is not the only naughty one in the class surely? I can't say it was E...because I don't know that. But it's a bit odd that's for sure.

When I was 5 my goldfish was responsible for every wrong doing that happened anywhere at all especially the case of the vanishing custard creams.

Its unlikely the child is the only naughty one but it is possible that she could be one of the only noticed being naughty ones.

Teachers are just human beings and do form judgements rather quickly just like lots of other people and children especially very young ones will pick this up even quicker.

I'm not saying that is the case just that its worth keeping at the back of your mind purely because there does sound like there is something a bit 'off' about the circumstances often when that is the case the least likely oddest answer will often be the right one.

Sock nobody has formed a judgement...she's a child who hits and strangles and other things...on it seems an almost daily basis. As for your goldfish story...not relevant. DD is articulate and not given to similar fantasy.

Exactly why I said keep it in the back of your mind.

Just because you are not there when these things happen its possible you are getting a biased or not completely true description. Because children do do that.

Of course its possible that its the complete truth but its also possible its not.

Given that your dd sat there long enough for these criss crossed marks to be made without raising any concerns there are dynamics involved that may not be exactly as presented.

Its worth keeping an open mind whilst trying to get to the bottom of the problem.

Children do often present things in different ways for many reasons.

If you go in raging without taking things like that into account you will not get the results or even have the attention required to deal with the issue and tat would be a huge shame.

How did it go today OP?