to go out?

[Softlysoftly]

DDs are 3.5 (easy to look after ) and 10 months. DD2 is a terrible sleeper and bf but eats full meals & snacks & sometimes takes a bottle so wouldn't waste away without boobs on tap.

Anyway I've been invited on a LARGE night out tonight, I never Get invited out to drinking occasions and my last night out without kids was a work do at which I was pg in December 2011.

My mum is visiting and offered to babysit, though she's nervous of dd2 she says she'll cope. DH is 2 wks away from opening a new restaurant and stressed to the hilt. He fell out with me earlier saying he didn't want dm looking after kids in our house as it makes him look useless and he can't relax if they are unsettled but he doesn't want the kids as he had to be up at 6 and working late into the night.

He's since changed his mind and said to go out and he'll pick me up, so I have to stay soberish and not stay at a friends.

I've now decided not to go, it's not relaxing or enjoyable to go out if you know everyone is at home clock watching until you get back, he thinks ive thrown my toys out the pram and should go.

So who's bu?

I think you should go.

GO, stay at your friends.

Maybe your dh should go out too (I know how stressful opening a new business is) a couple of hours out might do him good and then you can both pitch in to get it open in time?

Go! Have fun and enjoy yourself. Say you don't want to put him out/bother him by him picking you up - will be easier for everyone if you stay over (plus he won't have to listen to any drunk rambling from you ) if you turn it down you may not get another chance to go out for a while.

You should go and enjoy yourself!

Is your mum staying over? Get a taxi home

Jeez, you seriously need to GO!

If your DM managed to bring you up OK I'm sure she'll be more than fine with DD2. I'm not being patronising (not meaning to anyway), I just mean you can relax knowing both DC are in good hands.

As for staying soberish so DH can pick you up - if he has to be up at 6am that's a definite no-no! Shared taxi home a possibility? We all need the odd night "off" to be our old selves i.e. no-one's wife or mother. It's good for the soul. If it's such a rare occurence you want to be making the most of it, not looking at your watch and worrying about everyone else.

I think you are both are a bit. He's BU not wanting to have the kids but not wanting you to arrange other care. He has no right to expect you to have responsibility for them all the time, regardless of how stressed he is!

I think you are being a bit unreasonable wanting to go out on an all-night bender when you know you have children to look after the next day. I know we all need to let our hair down from time to time, but can you not go out, have a good time, a few drinks, get merry, and either let him pick you up at a time you BOTH agree on, or get a taxi back when you're done? I don't think he should be able to say you need to be back by 12, but I don't think you need to make it an all night event either.

Just seen you can stay with friends, definitely do that!

Cutting off your nose to spite your face comes to mind.

Why cant you stay at your friends as planned?

What difference does it make to him as you have things covered by your mum being there.

Why do you have to come home just to save his awkwardness.

Are you going to wait another 2 years before you get another night out.

If you stay home you are really telling him that you are not at all important, him feeling uncomfortable around your mum far outweighs any happiness you will get for a rare night off.

Tell him to grow up and deal with it.

Go and stay at friends, enjoy yourself

Taxi not really possible as I have to travel to that there England from Wales so a 45 minute drive plus Bridge toll.

Caf that's my feeling that I've been 'just'mummy and wife too long and I need to kick off the traces a little. Mum raised 4 of us at once and had 6 grandkids so she'll bully get dd2 sorted .

Mango that's the flip side to how I feel, I'm making it all about me, stressing everyone out so that I can basically, selfishly get drunk with mates like a teenager. Am I being unfair to my kids and dh (who cried through stress the other day which he had never done before) to leave them unsettled. Or is the fact he said he can only relax with me watching the kids (didn't want me to return to work) starting to turn into an unconscious control thing? (Hes not the type to do this deliberately).

Argh I don't know don't want to put anyone out but really want to go. I have 2 hours to decide and get dressed (or not).

I think you should go, and have a good time. Say to dh he either let's your DM look after the kids, or he does it. You need time to unwind and relax, and although it may be bad timing where his stress levels are concerned, you shouldn't have to miss out.

Taxi not really possible as I have to travel to that there England from Wales so a 45 minute drive plus Bridge toll.

Caf that's my feeling that I've been 'just'mummy and wife too long and I need to kick off the traces a little. Mum raised 4 of us at once and had 6 grandkids so she'll bully get dd2 sorted .

Mango that's the flip side to how I feel, I'm making it all about me, stressing everyone out so that I can basically, selfishly get drunk with mates like a teenager. Am I being unfair to my kids and dh (who cried through stress the other day which he had never done before) to leave them unsettled. Or is the fact he said he can only relax with me watching the kids (didn't want me to return to work) starting to turn into an unconscious control thing? (Hes not the type to do this deliberately).

Argh I don't know don't want to put anyone out but really want to go. I have 2 hours to decide and get dressed (or not).

SS you really need to go, otherwise this may well build into resentment. So you have a sleepover at your pal's house - sounds like DH and the DC will all survive intact. You may well regret it if you have a pounding head in the morning, but MUCH better than regretting that you didn't go. You'd only be regretting 1 or 2 glasses too many - hardly a crime. But as I said, regretting NOT going could fester.

For a 45 minute drive I think you need to stay at your friends. It's not a weekly thing, hell it's not even yearly. I'm assuming you have a nice night out without being irresponsible, and it sure sounds like you could do with it. I also agree with the poster who said your DH should take the opportunity to go out himself. A quiet beer or 2 with a friend in different surroundings can work wonders on stress. If he can only relax when you are watching the kids, then he needs to work out why, and find a way around it, because expecting you to be on duty permanently isn't on.