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AIBU?

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Original poster

About Step sons school attendance

12 replies

Carriemoo · 21/03/2013 12:58

Hi,

I'm hoping you guys dont judge me as I can't seem to get my OH to understand and I dont know if its me being unreasonable and I shouldnt get involved.

I've been with my OH now for nearly 4 years - he has a 5 year old son who lives with his ex. We have him every weekend and some evenings during the week for dinner. He is a lovely boy and I love having him at my house.

My OH gets letters etc from his school after the helpful people on here pointed me in the direction as OH wasnt sure if he could get access to his sons records. We have had his latest report through and the attendance is just below 60% for the last term. He is behind on his learning skills - i think it works in months and he's about 36 months in his development (when he should be getting towards 60 months) Its the attendance that has shocked me I can't believe this - doesnt this equate to essentially 2 days off a week?

My OH didnt seem shocked and I said to him why is it so low? He has said because he has been ill (colds and the like) - but nothing actually wrong with him - more colds, coughs etc. We had a argument as I said to him he needs to speak to her - if she is having issues with taking him to school and if there is anything OH can do to help - i.e my OH dropping him off in the mornings. He won't, he has just said to leave it.

The issue has come ahead to today because she has me as a friend on facebook - not sure why but I have nothing to hide. He is not at school today and there have been various posts about he's been running around playing hide and seek etc. They have been baking etc. My OH has told me to leave it alone and it's not my issue.. which I know its not but it is so frustrating that he will not speak to her or the school.

Should i just not get involved and delete her from facebook and pretend I haven't seen it and let them get on with it. Which I suspect from OH's pov he will do nothing about it. I don't know whether to just disengage from it all.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/03/2013 13:00

I think your oh needs to step up and ensure his son is getting an education.

JackieTheFart · 21/03/2013 13:01

I don't know what to suggest I'm afraid, we have a similar situation except DSS is 11 and in senior school. He has had ten days off since January - all because of 'illness' or 'bullying', although DSS gives a different story. (Laziness basically)

Unfortunately we don't live close enough to be able to do anything about it.

JackieTheFart · 21/03/2013 13:01

(Apart from the conversations of course)

willyoulistentome · 21/03/2013 13:01

I would disengage. You have done your bit by pointing it out to DH and I am sure the school will be onto them. It's really not your place to sort this out.

I don't do FB so I don't know how that would work.

Flyonthewindscreen · 21/03/2013 13:03

If your stepson's attendance is down to 60%, the educational welfare people will be getting involved very soon I would think. I presume this will force your OH to take the issue seriously? If I were you I would mention the facebook post to your OH, mention that outside agencies will be looking into his Ds's attendance before too long and then step away from the issue.

natwebb79 · 21/03/2013 13:10

The educational welfare people will start taking an interest when attendance hits the 80% mark. 60% is seen as extreme cause for concern and your OH may be invited to a fair few awkward meetings soon if he doesn't start taking an interest.

DeWe · 21/03/2013 13:13

Well school be onto that. They send out letters at 85%, I imagine at 60% other things are well into action.

But if she is fined for keeping dss off, then I don't know whether your dp will also be fined? For holidays they charge per child per parent, which always strikes me as strange as in one parent might be protesting wildly, but not able to do anything about it. So you could suggest that a truanting fine could be heading his way...?

bangwhizz · 21/03/2013 13:23

The figure is a % age of days the school is open.If they go part time in reception at all, then this shows up as an absence in the school's figures.Ihad this with summerborn DD1 who went part time for a part of the year and consequently had about 65% attendance for the year.
But as others have said it is nothing to do with you

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/03/2013 13:23

He has a responsibility to ensure that his child is educated.

Do you have children together OP, or are you planning to? Is he going to take the same attitude to their education and not be bothered about it?

PatriciaHolm · 21/03/2013 13:32

The child is at the learning stage of a 3yr old and has 60% attendance?

Your husband needs to really get a much better handle on what is going on. Both of those things will have triggered major intervention by school and/or other authorities by now, unless there is a very good reason (eg he didn't start school till this term and that attendance is yearly or something silly) . He needs a meeting with school so he's up to speed.

squeakytoy · 21/03/2013 13:35

I have to say, I would be wary of having a family with this man. It sounds like he doesnt really have much interest in the welfare of his child.

TroublesomeEx · 21/03/2013 13:50

What reason is your husband giving for not taking this more seriously?

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