To not want to visit mil !

[LadyApricot]

I'm sorry I'm posting quite a lot about my problems lately but you are all helping me figure things out in my marriage!
Mil has stayed over at my house last week looking after dc's while I did some temp work. We also visited her at weekend. Things were frosty as usual and I'm wondering how much more I can take of the il' s and even considering divorce :( feeling very mixed up.
I've just arranged a few days away for us in easter and dh has said "mil wants us to visit" so he said we should go to her first then on to our break.
Wibu to say actually I want this break to be just about us and not to visit her?
I know he'll hate it but why is it all about what she wants! She doesn't live that close to us - about 1 1/2 hours away
Should I just go and accept that seeing the il's is all part of being married?

If he wants to visit her, then let him go on his own.

I agree. Tell him to do the visit while you "get on with the packing for the trip".

Seeing your in-laws is part and parcel of being married (unless they are truly awful but it doesn't have to be ever couple of weeks!

As you've just seen her, it would be more than reasonable for your dh to go alone (or with your children, as you prefer) at Easter.

If things are that bad why are you using her for childcare?

When you say "visit" do you mean pop in for a cup of tea? Because if yes, then I would just to keep the peace. I wouldn't bother with a longer visit on the basis that you've just seen her - DH can go on his own if he wants to.

If you're using her for childcare though, I think to a certain extent you do have to try to "give back".

From your other thread, there's obviously a lot more going on here, than you just not wanting to see your MIL for a few days.

I do think people have a duty to families, under normal circumstances, but in your case, I would say the circumstances are not normal.

If I were you, I would post in relationships, rather than AIBU, as there are some very helpful and insightful posters there.

I've never used her for childcare before and it was a one off.
Dh wants us to stay overnight there then go to the hotel next day. It's quite close to where she is I suppose..
I didn't hear her say she wants us to visit. I wonder if he said that rather than 'he' wants to visit as a tactic!

If your mil is that bad I think yabu to use her for childcare but not want to visit her.

It was all arranged without me having any say in it. Dh wanted me to do the work and just planned it without asking me. I get what you mean though..
As someone said above, there's loads more going on here than I've written. Perhaps I should've added this problem to my relationships thread!

Sorry LadyA - cross posted with your post & then the phone rang........... one off I can see that now.

:)

My husband went to see his mum on his own for a whole weekend with both kids and she lives 4 hours away. No reason why you have to go to. I get on well with my MIL but had my own commitments. Men are a lot more capable than we think sometimes