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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sell joint owned flat and make exp "homeless"?

27 replies

cestlavielife · 21/03/2013 10:45

i ahve a court order to do so.
i had to flee joint owned flat with 3 dc in 2008 agressive behviour on his part long story; and have been renting nearby with DC (he refused to move out). v expensive rent (london)

lots of issues with contact with DC (trying to sort with help of family therapist, oldest refuses to see him, youngest heading that way..) and i have residence.
i work; he does not.

he is living off money he is getting from renting out spare room to lodger. and funds from his father in his home country.

he can't take on mortgage or buy me out. has no job or income other than lodger/family. has been paying just less than the mortgage interest - mortgage is interest only which unsustainable long term, he has refused to sign to pay repayment.

if "evicted" he stands more chance of getting housing benefit etc. I know climate isnt good for that but how much of this is my problem?

court order was in 2011 for him to move out and let me sell so i can use equity as deposit to buy somewhere for me and dc to live.

so now have had offer from investor - not highest but firm offer (issues with flat lease etc so only investors will touch hence delay since 2011)

I just know he will refuse and cause issues and i will have to go to judge to implement the order and he will attack with text msgs as has been doing anyway over everything "you are abusive" is continual rant from him.. ..

on flat has said "i wont sell i need somewhere to live to see my dc" - but hello!! I cant afford to keep renting and keep on joint owned flat for him to live in...he pays no maintenance for DC. none; zero.

we were not maried so I have no legal repsonsibility -and the only reason i am stalling is coz of the fallout from him.

I have to bite the bullet and tell him I am selling, right?

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 21/03/2013 10:47

I would!

Be brave

TeWiSavesTheDay · 21/03/2013 10:48

Sell it.

tomatoplantproject · 21/03/2013 10:52

Sell it. Bite the bullet since you're only delaying the inevitable fallout. You owe him nothing.

Softlysoftly · 21/03/2013 10:55

Scrounging waste of space by the sound of it.

Sell it.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 21/03/2013 11:00

Do it.

NotKathyReichs · 21/03/2013 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crinkle77 · 21/03/2013 11:04

YANBU. You have to put your children first so you need to sell the property rather than worry about him

TheChaoGoesMu · 21/03/2013 11:04

Yes, you dont really have a choice. You need to do whats best for the children. He's a grown man, he can sort himself out.

WeAreEternal · 21/03/2013 11:06

He sounds like an utter loser, he is not your responsibility, get him out and sell it.
Good luck.

jumpingjackhash · 21/03/2013 11:07

Do it. You need to put your kids first.

Also, what NotKathyReichs said - are you getting any 'benefit' from the lodger being there?

Original poster
cestlavielife · 21/03/2013 11:08

half the rent from the lodger?

yeh - or twenty percent as its his "income"; whatever. not getting anything... cant see point of waiting for "better offer" either.

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 21/03/2013 11:14

You should get half the rent. Joint flat = joint income.

Sell the flat.

Smellslikecatspee · 21/03/2013 11:15

Do it

FryOneFatManic · 21/03/2013 11:17

Actually if you're getting abuse by text, why not have 2 phones? One for his crap and one for everything else. Put the current sim into a cheap phone and get a new number for the phone you'll use all the time (and don't give him this new number). Then you can just ignore his stuff and only check when you want to regarding contact, etc.

sue52 · 21/03/2013 11:17

Why are you putting his needs first? Do it now.

EatingWyrmes · 21/03/2013 11:17

Do it.

Original poster
cestlavielife · 21/03/2013 11:20

i did that pvsly fry; eventually he found out my new number thru other people...but alternatively could block him and use another payg...

OP posts:
Original poster
cestlavielife · 21/03/2013 11:23

part of delaying has been trying to get more money better offer but unlikely to due to issues with block management. current offer wont give much choice re buying somewhere else but will give some..and will cut all financial ties.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 21/03/2013 11:48

Cutting the ties to him would do you more than financial good.

You got the court order for a reason - to allow you to provide for yourself and your children. Letting him stay on is to the detriment of your children. Yes, bite the bullet, sell the flat. With the court order he can howl as much as he likes but he can't stop it. And then - you'll be free of the weight of this situation. Best wishes.

Yfronts · 21/03/2013 11:49

sell the flat. he needs to put his DC first by allowing you to buy a house to accommodate them.

BarbarianMum · 21/03/2013 11:51

Sell it! (And note the unanimous response above - v. rare round here so you must be right).

ENormaSnob · 21/03/2013 12:08

Sell it.

scarletforya · 21/03/2013 12:33

Sell it. His woes are nothing to do with you. If he has nowhere to live that's his problem.

Inertia · 21/03/2013 13:59

Sell it. He's not offering to make any kind arrangements which would allow you to meet in the middle, he pays nothing for the children - your first priority is to support them.

And if he threatens or harasses you, report it to the police.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2013 14:02

He's had 5 years to stop being an arse. Sell it.