to conclude that I am officially too fat to live

[Mitchy1nge]

after my foot just went straight through a floorboard?

noooooooooooooooo

what if they think my retro minge fur is like the fibres of wood

It's ok - I don't think they can jump very high. Just don't sit bare-arsed on the floor by the hole.

Pleased to be able to help!

Just be glad you're not a man who wakes up with wood every morning

oh my god

look at them!

oh god why

maybe it is from YEARS ago and they are long gone

I think I would rather be too fat to live

My dad once put his foot through a floorboard. We were viewing a house that mum and dad were considering buying - called Doughbank Cottage, iirc. It was down in the bottom of a valley, and amongst trees, and was basically a sponge.

To start off with, we couldn't get the front door open (we had the keys from the agent - for some strange reason, it was vacant), and when we went to the back door, it came off in Dad's hand - and then the whole place smelled of damp.

Dad decided that Mum, dsis and I should not go upstairs, as he was worried about safety - and he was right to worry, as the first step he took off the top of the staircase, his foot went straight through the floor, as if it was damp cardboard.

We didn't buy the house - not sure why!

that sounds a bit like the condition of my house

my quite visibly pregnant friend was leaving one day when my front door sort of sprang away from its hinges and landed on her

and one day a whole ceiling just whooshed to the floor

and the stairwell started bulging and ejaculated loads of hairy crumbly stuff everywhere

poor house

Ejaculating wood worms

the bastards are everywhere even in the newish bits

do I have to treat the whole house, move the pets out and everything?

If they are still alive and it's not historic holes then yes treat it all.. Sorry :( they are mega hard to get rid of...

You clearly need sheaths of steel.

there are holes in 'new' (ie since house was last treated about 20 years ago) bits of wood so not historic, argh why!