Have I just been the meanest Mum in the world? My son thinks so...

[OHforDUCKScake]

This is very trivial. But sometimes I dont know if Im just being too harsh.

My 6 year old does somethinb very frustrating. If we were to treat him to something, he'll smile for a second then ask for the bigger one and humph when we say no. If its a toy, sweets or a lolly for example. Instead of just saying thank you, he'll ask why he cant have the bigger one/red one/one with the extra bit on it.

Its effing annoying. He's not spoilt either, he gets sweets once a week maximum, and we certainly arent buying him toys every 5 minutes we're broke!

This afternoon we go to Tesco. He goes to the toy aisle while I shop. I get to him when Im done and call for him, he holds out a £12.95 Hero Factory toy and I give him the answer I always give him. No. Put it back.

My toddler starts kicking off, Im heading to the till. DS1 asks if he can have 'a little lego man.' I say yes, he found a pound on the floor yesterday he can spend it on that.

He runs off, I start to pay with a shouting toddler and DS comes back with the flipping Hero Factory! Taking advantage of my 'yes' he does what he always does and pushes his luck. I said no, take it back we're leaving now.

He's ended up with no toy. He broke his heart on the way home saying Im hugely unfair. I said its a lesson learnt, Id said yes to a toy and he decided to push his luck and now he has nothing.

Was I being too harsh?

[HippiTEEHoppoTEE]

Sorry, phone!

And/or looking to take him.

He's my child. I'll decide.

[TartyMcTart]

Good God. The OP probably left her son for 5 minutes while she whizzed round the shop getting a few bits.

I always let my two (8 & 6) look at the toys for a few minutes in the supermarket. I'd be most surprised if I came back to find some worrying woman stood with them waiting for me to return!

[Inertia]

No, you are not harsh. But I think at 6 you can give a specific budget, so that he knows exactly what the limit is.

[HippiTEEHoppoTEE]

Also, where did she say she expected the store or anyone else to watch him?

[MimsyBorogroves]

I don't think you're harsh at all. My DS (hopefully) knows by now that when he is offered/given a treat asking for something else will mean that the first offer is withdrawn and he gets nothing.

[titchy]

OP you're going to have to clarify - are you leaving him for half an hour in a massive tesco while you do the weekly shop? Or 2 mins in tesco metro while you pick up a pint of milk?

[Loulybelle]

YANBU, my DD probably thinks im the wicked witch of the west at the best of times.

[defineme]

My kids go off and get items for me from different aisles whilst I'm getting fruit and veg, they've been doing this for me since the age of 6-didn't realise this was odd.
I would have done the same re toy.
Mine don't want to loiter in the toy aisle...I think they realise there is no hope and I think they like to 'help' me choose the food they like.

[WilsonFrickett]

Happy to clarify what I do. My Tesco has around 14 aisles, I would say it's medium size? DS7 comes round with me, often picking things up or going off looking for things for me. Unsupervised. He gets bored around aisle 7 and asks to go to the toys. Around aisle 10 (past the booze, because that's where I spend the most time, obviously, because I am so feckless) he asks to go to the toys.

I remind him what to do if anyone approaches him and asks him to leave the shop.

And I let him go.

I then nip round the cleaning aisles (obviously I don't buy much of them, because I am feckless) and then I go and get him.

Oh and Rene People do stuff like this, don't engage with their children, and then wonder why they have problems! - what utter, utter bollocks. My child gets plenty of engagement. Thanks for checking though.

[SpringlingSpaniel]

"If another parent "kept an eye" on him? I'd think you were bonkers"

Well that's a bit sad that you'd feel that way, but that doesn't change my attitude. I think it's a shame that these days for whatever reason more people turn their heads and walk on by rather than keep an eye on the more vulnerable members of the community.

There's no way of knowing whether a child loitering by themselves in the toy aisle is lost/has wandered off or has been deliberately and knowingly left. In a big busy supermarket I think it's more likely that a small child alone is lost or has wandered off tbh. On that basis if my child wandered off, I wouldn't think another mother who kept a discreet eye on him until I returned was "bonkers". I'd be grateful. But the fact that you wouldn't be doesn't deter me.

defineme I wouldn't feel the same about a child who arrived in an aisle, walked purposefully towards a shelf, took something from it and walked purposefully off. I would assume he/she was doing as you say and getting something for his/her parent.

[AllDirections]

If I saw a 6 year old loitering in the toy aisle I would think that the adult he was with would know where he was and the that the child knew where his adult was.

If I saw a 2 year old loitering in the toy aisle then I'd keep an eye on him.

[GiveMummyTheWhizzer]

Can I just ask - those of you that leave young ones - have you told them what to do if the fire alarm goes off in said shop? Because I have been in 3 different supermarkets in abou the last 6 months or so where we have had to evacuate for the fire alarm. I don't know what school teaches them as DS is too young yet - but do school teach to leave the building as quickly and calmly as possible or something? What would you all do in this kind of situation? What would your DC do? Shop staff would be directing you out of the store and presumably not letting you wander round trying to find DC?

[pamelat]

OP

I think ideal parenting re toy but I would now tell him that he can go back and spend his £1 on x date (soon)

My dd is a responsible 5. I'd trust her an aisle away. My ds is almost 3 and I wouldn't let him out of my sight!!!

[YouTheCat]

GiveMummy has a very good point. I've known fire alarms go off in the supermarket before as well.

[Archetype]

I think some people forget that not every one lives in big cities and they know every one that lives where they do.

[GiveMummyTheWhizzer]

archetype bad things don't just happen in big cities. Unfortunately the world we live in poses dangers in society as a whole. Country, tiny village, city - it makes not difference.

But as other have said its not just 'danger' type situations but annoyance to other customers, worry for others that child is lost, supermarket not a creche etc etc.

[EverybodysSootyEyed]

I have left my ds in the toy aisle while I looked at the things at the aisle end - I could see him but wasn't obviously with him. He has been told to look and not touch.

Unfortunately to older boys came in with their mum and started taking toys down etc. all fine. Until one of them decided to bash ds over the head with one! The mum saw but said nothing. Ds ran to me so I didn't say anything as I wanted to deal with him.

My point being - can your ds deal with unusual situations? Be it a fire alarm, mean kid or what not.

At 7 he is old enough to learn some basic money management. Let him choose something with his pound next time. He will soon learn money can't stretch too far!

[DoJo]

I wouldn't leave a six year old alone in a toy aisle because a seven year old cut her head open by running around the corner into the end of my trolley a few weeks ago and was in a terrible state about it even with her dad there. She wasn't even going particularly fast, or being particularly reckless, just happened to look over her shoulder at the wrong moment and ended up colliding right with the corner bit which gashed her forehead. Had her dad not been there, I would have been furious as she was beside herself, which made mine cry in sympathy (soft little soul) and I would have had to try and deal with them both.

[StuntGirl]

That'd fine with me hippi!

[Emilythornesbff]

Not harsh in refusing the toy. Quite clear thinking given the circumstances.

But I'm another who thinks it unwise to leave a 6yo in the toy aisle of a supermarket. Firstly because of the (I would have thought quite obvious) safety aspect and secondly because he's just going to want all they toys.

I don't know what age i'd be ok with that, maybe when they're old enough to go Luton their own (or old enough to vote?

Online shopping is the way to go.

[Emilythornesbff]

I think it's normal to try it on though isn't it.Maybe he him choose something with the money available so he has fewer, more manageable options.

[Emilythornesbff]

Sorry, "help" not "he"

And titchy how many tesco metros have a toy aisle?

[Softlysoftly]

Wow this thread given me an object lesson in just how people can stretch to some apps conclusions from 1 incident!

Upthread someone meandered off into how the op doesn't engage with our look after her child? ? From one time her 6 year old stays in the toy aisle? ! .

I know of op I believe and she's really very engaged and lentil weavery . Since posters need a trip to the grip store (with their children firmly clutched to their bosoms).

[MammaTJ]

Yup, that was me. I hadn't been here long and was a bit baffled with the whistle obsession, but I got some great advice too, which made it worthwhile.

[HippiTEEHoppoTEE]

Well, it probably wouldn't be, Stunt if I told all my friends about the over the top reaction of a shop keeper and they stopped shopping at your store. And they told their friends. And so on.

See, my friends think like I do. That's why they are my friends.

And who asked your store to be a creche? Not me.

Honestly, relax people. The world is actually safer than it's been in a long time. Look at the stats. Not the scare stories and the occasional violent happenings. I would link, but the Home Office Website is telling me it isn't available at the moment.

Look, I am not saying every 6 year old is ready to be left alone in the toy aisle while their mother shops, any more than I'd say every 12 year old can walk 10 miles to school every day. It depends on the child.

But don't look at the 6 year old and assume their parent is irresponsible. Assume the parent knows their child. Which you do not, if it's a random child in a shop.

Also, I've been shopping for about 44 years and have never heard a fire alarm in a shop. Statistically I guess I'm due. But it's not something I'm going to fret about if/when my child is ready to be left. He's not, at the moment, being not quite 4.