Have I just been the meanest Mum in the world? My son thinks so...

[OHforDUCKScake]

This is very trivial. But sometimes I dont know if Im just being too harsh.

My 6 year old does somethinb very frustrating. If we were to treat him to something, he'll smile for a second then ask for the bigger one and humph when we say no. If its a toy, sweets or a lolly for example. Instead of just saying thank you, he'll ask why he cant have the bigger one/red one/one with the extra bit on it.

Its effing annoying. He's not spoilt either, he gets sweets once a week maximum, and we certainly arent buying him toys every 5 minutes we're broke!

This afternoon we go to Tesco. He goes to the toy aisle while I shop. I get to him when Im done and call for him, he holds out a £12.95 Hero Factory toy and I give him the answer I always give him. No. Put it back.

My toddler starts kicking off, Im heading to the till. DS1 asks if he can have 'a little lego man.' I say yes, he found a pound on the floor yesterday he can spend it on that.

He runs off, I start to pay with a shouting toddler and DS comes back with the flipping Hero Factory! Taking advantage of my 'yes' he does what he always does and pushes his luck. I said no, take it back we're leaving now.

He's ended up with no toy. He broke his heart on the way home saying Im hugely unfair. I said its a lesson learnt, Id said yes to a toy and he decided to push his luck and now he has nothing.

Was I being too harsh?

[KatherineKrupnik]

My 4 yo dd loves fetching thing from different aisle for me. Independence & responsibility.

[OHforDUCKScake]

For those of you who think he may 'stab himself with the supermarket knives'
Do you think I still have a stairgate on my kitchen doorway and safety catches on my knives drawer?

[HippiTEEHoppoTEE]

And I really hate the panic OMG SOMEONE WILL STEAL YOUR SON AHHHHHH OR HE MAY SEE A KNIFE OMG WHAT THE HELL WILL I DO THEN brigade.

Honestly. He's 6. Not 2, as the OP said.

Won't someone think of the mummies?

[AllDirections]

YANBU regarding the toy situation. It's exactly what I would have done.

YANBU regarding leaving him in the toy aisle either. Do 6 year olds really go off and play with knives?

[MammaTJ]

This reminds me of the thread I started about my DD being taken in to the bushes by some random man to 'wash her hands'. I was stressed and upset about the possibilities and all some people could focus on was the whistle I used to make my DC pay attention and return to where they should be. It was not about thr threat this man posed, it was all about the whistle.

The OP is asking about the toy thing, not leaving her 6 year old in the toy aisle, get over that.

Having said that, my story illustrates how a moment of inattention can cause our children to be in danger, so as you were people, as you were.

[LauraShigihara]

I would never leave one of mine alone in the toy aisle - not for anti-kidnapping reasons but because when I came to collect them they would be atop Toy Mountain, demanding to purchase all of it.

My stock phrase is 'Put it on your birthday list'. Unless we are approaching Christmas obviously.

Regards

LauraS, the Number 1 Meanest Mum in the World

[pootlebug]

Derailing the thread a little, but those of you who say you'd never leave a 6 year old in the toy aisle in case of abduction or finding knives etc....can I ask what age you would be comfortable with it?

[HippiTEEHoppoTEE]

OHforDUCKSsake I don't even have those things and my son is not quite 4. By quite a few months. He does have a gate on his door, but that's because he likes to wander at 3am and eat random things. It's for my sanity.

::waits for SS to stop by::

[YouTheCat]

24

[YouTheCat]

YANBU to say no to the toy.

YABU to expect your 6 year old to amuse himself while you shop. He is 6. He is YOUR responsibility.

[IvorHughJangova]

MammaTJ I remember that thread, I didn't know that was you! How odd, every time I see a whistle I think of it

YWNB mean. DS is only 2 (so probably would stab himself with something if I left him in the vicinity of anything stabbable) but I'd do the same with him when he's big enough. He'll soon learn I'm sure.

[timidviper]

YANBU but you do have to keep repeating the reasoning until he properly gets it.

BTW I have one who is 25 who still tries that trick every now and again!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

pootle - it would depend on the child. I can see that I would let DS2 at an earlier age than DS1 because he is less prone to bolting off.

All hypothetical though, because I wouldn't leave them there busily working out what they wanted to try and pester me about. If I need to shop and they need to come along for whatever reason then they would come round the shop with me.

I have never seen an unaccompanied child in the toy section of our supermarket, not once.

[Crinkle77]

No you were not being mean. Children need to know that when you say no you mean it. If you had let him have it next time you said no he would know that if he pushed you then you might give in and kick off even more till he got his own way

[LadyBeagleEyes]

He's 6, he has no idea of the value of money.
Of course he's going to go for the biggest, shiniest thing he can find.
Just keep saying no, mummy can't afford that and he'll understand eventually.
Or say maybe on your birthday/Christmas, and by that time he'll have forgotten about it.

[EverybodysSootyEyed]

I wouldnt leave ds in the toy aisle because I have seen too many kids trashing the boxes and the toys! It's not a crèche!

As for the issue at hand - yanbu. But yoIu aren't the worst mother in the world because my ds was quite adamant that dh is the worst parent in the world ever!

Maybe this would be a good time to give him a little pocket money and introduce him to the concept of saving? Sounds like he may be amenable to learning some key life skills!!

[ukatlast]

'I would never do it, i think its a totally unnecessary risk to take with your child when they could be helping with a list or something to entertain them - but each to their own.'

I agree Givemummy but even if I didn't, I am not sure the shop management would be pleased for 6 year olds to be left unattended like that.

[threepiecesuite]

You're not mean OP, I'd have done the same.

I wouldn't leave my 6 yo in the toy aisle though. Def not. And I'd be concerned if I was in the toy aisle and saw a child on their own.
I've never seen a child on their own in any part of the supermarket either.

[missmash]

I'd be very wary of leaving my DS in an aisle. On my FB page today there is a story 2 men in Maidstone following a child who was walking with parents round a shop and they think its an attempted abduction. You just never know and it ain't worth the risk.

[landofsoapandglory]

You were not being too harsh with regards to the toy.

But I never, ever left my 2 in the toy aisle or comic aisle when I went shopping. It's a shop, not a crèche or library, the products aren't there to be read or played with, they are there to be bought.

[titchy]

Totally agree you're not the meanest mummy in the world so spot on there.

Totally agree you shouldn't leave a 6 yo unsupervised in the toy aisle for half an hour or so. Not because he might get abducted or stab himself, but because he could be opening up all the packets or annoying other shoppers or generally doing stuff he shouldn't be doin and therefore needs supervising. Or he could

[Floralnomad]

You were not too mean ,and the only other thing I'd say is in future do the shopping before he gets out of school then the issue wouldn't arise .

[ReneandGeorgetteMagritte]

Kids round here walk to school themselves at 7 givemummy, I think he's fine looking at the lego by himself for 2 minutes

Children round here hang out on the corner smoking at 10. Doesn't mean I would let my child do it.

It's not 2 minutes unless she's only going to get one thing- although OP hasn't said how long it was.

A 6 yr old is too young to be left alone, a 7 yr old is too young to walk to school alone in most circumstances.

Why do you need specifics about what the possibilities are? Does it not occur to you that children that young are your responsibility, leaving them while you wander around a supermarket (which are massive around here, definitely not within earshot) is not behaving responsibly towards them.

People do stuff like this, don't engage with their children, and then wonder why they have problems!