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AIBU?

Have I just been the meanest Mum in the world? My son thinks so...

145 replies

OHforDUCKScake · 20/03/2013 16:14

This is very trivial. But sometimes I dont know if Im just being too harsh.

My 6 year old does somethinb very frustrating. If we were to treat him to something, he'll smile for a second then ask for the bigger one and humph when we say no. If its a toy, sweets or a lolly for example. Instead of just saying thank you, he'll ask why he cant have the bigger one/red one/one with the extra bit on it.

Its effing annoying. He's not spoilt either, he gets sweets once a week maximum, and we certainly arent buying him toys every 5 minutes we're broke!

This afternoon we go to Tesco. He goes to the toy aisle while I shop. I get to him when Im done and call for him, he holds out a £12.95 Hero Factory toy and I give him the answer I always give him. No. Put it back.

My toddler starts kicking off, Im heading to the till. DS1 asks if he can have 'a little lego man.' I say yes, he found a pound on the floor yesterday he can spend it on that.

He runs off, I start to pay with a shouting toddler and DS comes back with the flipping Hero Factory! Taking advantage of my 'yes' he does what he always does and pushes his luck. I said no, take it back we're leaving now.

He's ended up with no toy. He broke his heart on the way home saying Im hugely unfair. I said its a lesson learnt, Id said yes to a toy and he decided to push his luck and now he has nothing.

Was I being too harsh?

OP posts:

Report

DPotter · 21/03/2013 01:34

I think you're spot on as well and I don't think you're mean either.

Dancergirl · 21/03/2013 17:13

ladybeagle I LOVE that story

I'm not suggesting in any way that we should spoil out children or that the OP was in the wrong, but sometimes it's good to remember that our dc are small for such a short time and the time when they get so much pleasure from toys is also very short.

My 10 year old dd realised recently that she feels she doesn't enjoy playing with toys any more it came as a bit of a shock to HER that she was growing up.

I feel like buying my 6 year old all the toys she wants while I still can

bangwhizz · 21/03/2013 19:27

I would have said the lego man or nothing , you only have a pound and let him run back and change it.If he made a fuss then I would at that point have said 'no toy'. I don't think there ius any right or wrong on matters like this, it's just down to individual opinion on where 'the line' lies!

LittleEdie · 21/03/2013 19:45

YANBU re the toy.
YANBU re leaving him in another aisle.

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 21/03/2013 23:40

wilson I wasn't checking, it was a statement

It is not a responsible way to behave and is also a missed opportunity to engage with your child

You can wriggle and squirm and twist the words all you like, but you leave your young child alone in a public place, you are not doing your job as a parent.

Plenty of that going on in the world though, and plenty of much worse things you can do as a parent so I guess that makes it ok, yes?

Dancergirl · 22/03/2013 11:19

PMSL at 'engage with your child'

AllDirections · 22/03/2013 11:24

PMSL at 'leaving your child alone in a public place'

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 22/03/2013 11:31

PMSL at ignorance of folk

WilsonFrickett · 22/03/2013 12:18

PMSL generally (in-between the wiggling and squirming and twisting, obvs)

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 22/03/2013 12:26

Yanbu and ywnbu to let him.go and look at the toy aisle.

I think giving children bits of freedom like this IS actually responsible, you have to gradually teach them and allow them some independence.

Lol at missed opportunity to engage, sure the child in question gets plenty of engagement with his mum and this missed five mins isnt going to harm.him!

SanityClause · 22/03/2013 12:57

I am jaw droppingly amazed that people think it's not okay to let a child of 6 go to the toy aisle of a supermarket, alone.

Surely it's a really safe environment - there's loads of the kind people around that you would tell them to ask for help if needed (ie people in supermarket uniform, parents with young children).

And opportunity to engage? She was concentrating on whether it was worth buying BOGOF yoghurts, not on her children!

SanityClause · 22/03/2013 13:01

Oh, BTW, OP, fair enough about the toy. Can you have everything you ever want? Of course not, so it's a useful life lesson for him to learn as well.

If he really wants the toy, he can save up for it, and learn that people have to make choices about how to spend their money (sweets every week, or a toy once every few months?). Another useful life lesson.

If you are the meanest mummy, I have to share your honours, I think.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/03/2013 13:25

Why 'PMSL at leaving alone in a public place'?

It is leaving them alone in a public place Which, IMO, is not something that you should do with a 6 year old child.

I am really, really stunned that so many people leave their children alone in the supermarket. I have never seen it, even in the Asda on the rough estate

AllDirections · 22/03/2013 17:44

I think giving children bits of freedom like this IS actually responsible, you have to gradually teach them and allow them some independence.

This

I am jaw droppingly amazed that people think it's not okay to let a child of 6 go to the toy aisle of a supermarket, alone.

And this

I am really, really stunned that so many people leave their children alone in the supermarket That's not what the OP did though is it? Or anyone else who has said they have done the same thing as the OP?

WeAreSix · 26/03/2013 16:23

So after reading this thread (and being on the don't leave children unattended side of the fence) I allowed DD aged 7 to go off on her own to get some buns for after school as a treat.

We live in a 'safe' area, low crime. We were in a small Co-op, only 5 aisles. I thought that the advice given about giving your DCs a little independence, giving her a job etc would be good. I trust her to say in the shop, do as she was told.

She came running back to me in tears. She had bumped into a man in a hoodie with his face covered. He was shoplifting and she witnessed it.

I know this was just bad luck and coincidental that the first time I let her go off to get me something that this happened. However, I won't let her do it again because the risk isn't worth it.

I wish I had the confidence in today's society that our children are safe... but it just doesn't feel that way.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/03/2013 17:15

WeAreSix :( Your poor DD, is she ok?

WeAreSix · 26/03/2013 17:43

She's a bit shaken but ok thank you alibaba

Lueji · 26/03/2013 19:54

What if a meteor strikes the shop and hits you, but as your DCs were on another aisle they manage to survive???

What if you were taken hostage, but your child manages to escape because he/she was not with you?

Lueji · 26/03/2013 19:59

Catsdontcare

I have had the same.

Can I have 7 Pringles?
No, only 4.
Oh, I don't want it then!

Doh.

WeAreSix · 26/03/2013 20:45

Exactly Leuji. You can't predict the what ifs in life.

It comes down to choice and your own personal judgement of what you feel is safe for you and your child.

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