To be a bit upset by MiLs stillbirth story when Im pg with first baby?

[Msbluesky32]

Stillbirth is a terrible thing, I've never experienced it but to loose a child must be soul destroying on a massive scale. I can only imagine though and I feel for anyone who has gone through it themselves.

To put this into context MiL is quite a negative person at times, she dwells on negative things a lot - it's part of her personality. This is our first baby - so I have no previous experiences of childbirth or having a child. Very recently the PIL came to visit and I was talking to MiL by herself and she started talking about her friend who lost her baby at 36 weeks. In her words it was born 'dead' please excuse my turn of phrase on here, but this is how she described it. She went on to talk in detail about it and then said that her friend was about the same gestation as I am now. The details kept on coming and I couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to suggest that I prepare myself for this terrible thing to happen. At the time I was pretty shocked but not upset - but the further along I get I seem to be thinking about it more and more (I'm 37+2 now). Is it me being a pregnant emotional woman or is this something you just don't say to a heavily pregnant woman?

My labour story is very similar to Florin, had we ordered desert my waters would have gone in Prezzo's! I ahev a smily five month old now. Whilst I was pregnant sad things happened to two other pregnant friends, one such friend didn't come to my wedding because of it, I am glad that people told me about it/they spoke fo it and didn't feel like it was a jinx or anything, nor should you. Continue to enjoy your pregnancy, if you can, try to mix with some other pregnant women of similar gestation? Your community midwife or NCT can set you up or by doing a birthing class/yoga etc

I was ready to tell you YABU because the imminent arrival of a new baby brings these memories back and I fully understood why DMiL spoke to be about her stillbirth.

But an anecdote about a friend seems just set up to scare you so YANBU.

Stillbirth and neonatal death are incredibly rare, particularly if your scans have been clear, however, as someone who has experienced neonatal death (he would have been stillborn without the emcs) I do not think this subject should be ignored. It is life, it happens to very few, unlucky people including me.
I would hate to think I couldn't talk about my much loved son incase some people, who are highly unlikely to experience this grief, are overly sensitive to the way he was born. I do, when I talk about it, leave out details that are not necessary.

I do think in your case, however, YANBU, this was not her bereavement and she was not being helpful.

My labour was long but not painful :) lots of relaxation, a tens machine and some paracetamol.

I second pg yoga (I also did hypnobirthing but it is just relaxation really - the breathing is like the yogq breathing)

Thanks for sharing your story florin -that sounds such a lovely experience!

Actually art it hadn't occurred to me when this might have taken place, she could well have been talking about an experience from years ago. Thanks, that's put a bit more perspective on it.

parttimer79 you've just made me remember that our preferred girls name is the name of one of her aunts that passed away. I can completely imagine her saying something like this to us too.

I really think I need to practise not being so darn polite with her all the time - especially if this is going to get worse!

My MIL did this - told me at about 36 weeks pregnant that she had had a still birth. News to my DH who was devastated to learn he had a brother he never knew about (he was only 2 at the time) and not v helpful to me. I still have no idea why she did it.

aaaah florin that's a lovely birth story. I do like to read nice ones.

I had a horrific pregnancy and birth and just after DD was born my best friend told me she was pregnant - after I'd told her all the gruesome details! I felt bloody awful, but she laughed it off. I would absolutely never, ever go into details about it with a pregnant friend or acquaintance - unless they asked, and even then I'd try and be very sensitive - because the point about my awful birth was that it was really, really unusual. So what would be the point? I couldn't believe how many people told me horror stories when I was pregnant, it made me really nervous.

I do think your MIL was being very insensitive. If she had framed it in a gentle way - perhaps trying to make you aware that it's a good idea to be aware of movements? - then it might be ok. But not just a 'ooh here's a dreadful story to make you have nightmares'.

I'm sorry for your loss rosduk - I can't imagine what that must have been like for you but hope that you have always had the opportunity to talk about your son as and when you've wanted to.

maddening I've been doing hypnobirthing - I really enjoy it. I found it helped with my fear of possibly having to have surgery/interventions. Probably sounds a bit odd but I'm petrified (or was) of epidurals etc.