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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS's school are too quick to send kids home and wonder why this is?

26 replies

Bunfags · 20/03/2013 12:15

I see so much about schools being harsh over absences on MN. DS's school seems to the the opposite. DS is 14 by the way, not a little one!

They seem to send him home at every whip stitch. He has a middle ear infection and is on antibiotics right now. He was poorly over the weekend with a leaky ear, which had mostly cleared by Monday. However, I kept him off and took him to the GP. He now has antibiotics for the infection and no temperature.

The GP said he was fine for school as he has no temperature, to take paracetamol if it's sore etc.

School phoned today to say he feels dizzy and needs to come home. Am I being harsh in thinking that if he was a working adult, his employer would expect him in still? All the employers I've had expected you to work unless you had something seriously wrong with you, as in flu, noro virus or an operation.

My son isn't at death's door and whilst he's not feeling 100%, I think he's well enough to get through the school day, and then he can have an early night. As it's a bacterial infection, he won't be infecting people either.

They have sent him home before when there's not much wrong with him. Kids can't grow up thinking they can just stay at home because they feel a bit off colour can they? For the record, I think he was milking it and that he has on other occasions. I have mentioned this before to the school and they haven't really had much to say about it.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 20/03/2013 12:20

I imagine if he feels really dizzy then he could end up having an accident and hurting himself.....if he genuinely does feel ill and dizzy then really he does need to come home.

However, if you think he is milking it just tell them that! They must be used to all sorts of excuses from our little darlings surely :)

AlwaysBizzy · 20/03/2013 12:20

It sounds like the school are responding to how your son is reporting his illness to them. They can only act on what he tells them.
If you think he's milking it, and is being sent home when he doesn't need to be, then make sure he doesn't milk it by telling him you wont tolerate it.....and if he does it again, can you send him back/agree a consequence with him?
Are there any other reasons why he doesnt want to be in school?

Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 12:21

I think I will phone tham and let them know that he doesn't seem too bad now he's at home.

Whenever he has so much as a sniffle, he tries it on!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 12:23

As far as I know, the reason he doesn't want to be at school is because he finds it boring and thinks most of the work is pointless, but haven't most of us been there?

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 20/03/2013 12:25

The school are probably concerned about their duty of care to him, dizzy and in pain, he may have an accident at school that they will be blamed for.
As an adult at work, if you feel ill the responsibility is yours to decide whether you stay or go, and an accident is an accident.
So yes, the school are probably covering their backs. It's that sort of world now.

BarbarianMum · 20/03/2013 12:25

If he's trying it on, take him back to school! Or insist that the best cure is to lie quietly in bed in the dark (no books/Ipod/TV etc) - and get the school to send you the work he's missed.

The school are not doctors - if your son is saying he's too ill to be there then at 14 they have to believe him. He however, needs to sort himself out if he regularly tries it on.

Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 12:30

Thanks for the advice all. Yes, I think I need to have words about him swinging the lead. I think the school probably are covering themselves. It was never like that in my day. We would had to have been at death's door before the nurse called our parents!

I have already told him that he will have to lie quietly in bed if he is too ill for school. For the record, he has not complained of dizziness at home, and we went food shopping last night.

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 20/03/2013 12:40

don't let him laze around at home, he'll soon learn. my school only ever sent us home if we'd been physically sick or had diarrhea, otherwise we got sent to the sick bay and back to class once we'd recovered. on the rare occasion i was sent home (normally after being sick, i had awful periods) i had to sleep it off.

my dad's general rule was "if you're well enough to read/sit in front of a computer/watch tv, you're well enough to be in school". the exception was vomiting/diarrhea, as the tv etc. tended to distract me from feeling so awful!

TheNebulousBoojum · 20/03/2013 12:41

In my day, parents did not complain a tenth as much as they do now! Smile

noblegiraffe · 20/03/2013 12:54

Blame him for whinging if you think he was well enough to be at school. He's 14, school didn't send him home off their own bat, he complained enough to get sent home.

Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 12:55

"if you're well enough to read/sit in front of a computer/watch tv, you're well enough to be in school"

That was my mum's rule, and now it's my rule. Grin

I am not a habitual complainer Nebulous, but I don't agree with the school being so quick to send the little blighters home. On the other hand, I can see that they're probably covering themselves against legal action if a child was to actually end up in hospital or worse. still, that doesn't make it right either.

OP posts:
Hassled · 20/03/2013 12:58

I suppose in a High School there are just too many children for the staff who deal with it to know who are the "milkers" and who have constitutions of iron and are never putting it on. I can't remember DCs 1&2 ever being sent home from High School, and DS3 only has been once - it's Tough Love round these parts.

Sugarice · 20/03/2013 13:00

I've found secondary school are far quicker to phone than ds's primary.

One time at primary ds3 had a nose bleed so heavy his sweatshirt was soaked, not a call.
Another time he had a collision with another boy that resulted in a swollen nose like Rocky and two developing two black eyes, I nearly yelped [other mothers gasped] at home time when he came out of the class, he looked terrible.

Secondary school- he's got a cough, we're sending him home Mrs Sugar as it's disrupting the classes and he looks pale Shock.

Ridiculous.

BarbarianMum · 20/03/2013 13:04

Although there was that boy who was left to die of an asthma attack in a secondary school a couple of years ago. Teacher refused to believe him, or let his brother call an ambulance. Sad

Can't imagine that happening in a primary school.

noblegiraffe · 20/03/2013 13:07

Secondary schools are usually much bigger than primaries and can get many pupils over the course of the day in the sick room. There isn't really room to have kids hanging about for long periods unsupervised in the sick room (the first aider will have a full time job to do) and if they're ill, they need to be looked after properly.

Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 13:38

Yes Sugarice, DS only got sent home on a couple of occasions in primary.

Secondary school is a different matter. He was sent home before Crimbo with norovirus, but he was clearly very poorly. The rest of the time, he's just not feeling 100%.

I suppose it shocks me, because kids will have a rude awakening when they have an actual job!

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 20/03/2013 14:06

Yup.
And some of them won't keep their jobs, and some parents will phone up to talk to bosses, expecting the same level of care that they got from the school, and being surprised when they don't.
There's another thread running with tales along those lines ATM.

livinginwonderland · 20/03/2013 14:08

i think the job thing is different (for me, anyway). my job has a strict absence policy, and for the first three shifts you miss, you don't get paid. if you're off for two days, go back, and are off again, you won't get sick pay either. people learn pretty quickly that they need to go to work in order to get paid. the consequences for skipping school at 14 or so aren't really that noticeable straight away.

mungotracy · 20/03/2013 14:13

"School phoned today to say he feels dizzy and needs to come home. Am I being harsh in thinking that if he was a working adult, his employer would expect him in still?"

If your child claims to be ill they MUST inform you its your chlid and your decision. Say no or discipline the child appropriately if you pick him up and find out hes faking.

If you have a job you aren't a minor and the two situations are not comparable.

Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 14:32

My reasoning is that what happens when you're younger forms your attitude later in life. If you grow up thinking that you can have a day off because you feel a bit a bit dodgy, it's not going to be great when you start work.

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 20/03/2013 14:44

I agree, but the fact that employers will be less tolerant, both of the self-indulgence of the worker and the interference of the parent, means that they either learn fast or get the sack.

Hopasholic · 20/03/2013 14:54

I've found this too. My DS is in year 8 and has been sent home on four occasions this year, none of them warranted it. The last time I phoned the doctor and made him an appointment and he was Shock
I've told him that he can't come home if he feels a bit off and also that if he was really ill, I'd probably not believe him now!
I've never let them have time off at primary for a sniffle but secondary school send them home at the drop of a hat!

Original poster
Bunfags · 20/03/2013 15:02

Parents phone employers? Are you being serious Nebulous?

This is the problem Hopasholic. It's just like the boy who cried wolf! Grin

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 20/03/2013 15:04

Yes. Usually mothers.