To say no you can't have custody if your just going to be at work

[HarryTheHungryHippo]

Don't want to drip feed so here are the facts

Dc 21 months ex and me have joint custody
He was previously unemployed and has just got a job. His working hours will be 7am-3pm 5 days a week
I also work 10 am till 1pm 4 days one week and 6 days the next ( sometimes I do till 2 and I also do one evening where I am able to take dc)
Ex had said he want to continue same level of custody however I feel uncomfortable about ds being in nursery for most of the day when i don't work many hours and could have him. We have him a week each at the moment.
Would I be unreasonable to say no? On one hand I feel mean but on the other it's 5 days a week in nursery and 40 hours. Can I even say no?

I missed out 'with your mum' in the first sentence, sorry.

If your ex can find an affordable childcare solution then you're going to have to tolerate it I'm afraid.

I really don't think 50/50 is going to work if you are 100 miles apart. That would be the case even if neither of you worked. IME 50/50 only works when the parents live close enough together that the child's daily life remains unaltered regardless of which parent he/she is with and all the changes is the bedroom in which he/she sleeps at night.

In our bid to be fair to both parents, it's often easy to forget that the child's needs come first, and sometimes that means being unfair to one of the parents.

YANBU

Makes no sense at all to have your DS in a nursery (in a different town too!) when he could be with you - he is very young for nursery anyway in my opinion.

I think it's stressful for children to have too many carers - one week it would be you/your mother, another week your DH/various nursery workers.

I don't think that would be in your child's best interests at all!

I would say no - and your ex should agree if he has his son't best interests in mind.

Also, if your ex starts work at 7am that is a VERY early start (in nursery) for your DS.

Difficult. If it was me i'd say the best thing is to meet together with your Ex (with a mediator if necessary) & discuss the contact arrangements and issues for the present time & for the next few years.

Both of you should be prepared to be flexible & put aside any bad feeling to work together in your DS's best interests (hopefully you already do this).

Could you pick dc up from nursery after work and drop back with ex when he gets home?

On days you don't work could you act as childcare dropping back at ex's when he gets home?

Oh sorry - distance problem - sorry

YANBU.