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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it 'entitled' to want a holiday?

25 replies

Uppatreecuppatea · 19/03/2013 21:14

I desperately want to go on holiday. Nothing flash. Just somewhere warm and nice with beaches and something fun for just us as a family.

We probably travel abroad once every 8 months or so to visit family all over the world but it's never in the right season - always their winter - and it's never a real holiday as it's all about duty, extended family and staying in at night talking to the relatives and going to bed at 9pm.

DH thinks I'm unreasonable to expect a holiday and to spend our savings on such a thing.

We have plenty of savings. AIBU?

OP posts:

bangersmashandbeans · 19/03/2013 21:16

Nope!

specialsubject · 19/03/2013 21:17

no.

sounds like it is time for some grown up compromises. That's marriage.

HolidayArmadillo · 19/03/2013 21:18

A holiday is the reason I go to work. Seriously.

xigris · 19/03/2013 21:19

Definitely NOT being unreasonable!

Poppet48 · 19/03/2013 21:19

YANBU, You can spend your savings on whatever you like and if that means walking down the beach or doing absolute nothing on a sun bed that is entirely your choice.

My DM is always talking about holidays, She came back in November and has been going on and on about where to go but when she comes back she is always so relaxed and it makes her feel good.

Not jealous at all

Original poster

Uppatreecuppatea · 19/03/2013 21:29

Tell me about it! We have friends who are struggling craftsmen and artists, friends who won't eat at the pub because it's too dear - they all manage a holiday. We eat at the pub twice a week and shout everyone for rounds. Probably spend a fortune there.

He is foreign and doesn't understand the British mentality of 'having to go' on holiday. Well.... I can't fathom getting through the summer without the glimpse of something to lose weight for look forward to.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 19/03/2013 21:33

not at all why dont you visit the relatives in their summer and stay in a hotel and have a holiday two birds 1 stone kinda thing

poachedeggs · 19/03/2013 21:35

If you have the money then no, of course not.

I thought this would be a thread complaining that you should be able to go on holiday once a year and it's not fair that you can't afford it or something. In your situation it's completely reasonable, do it!

squeakytoy · 19/03/2013 22:22

Go on holiday with a friend, leave him at home.

meditrina · 19/03/2013 22:27

What are the savings earmarked for?

maddening · 19/03/2013 22:39

Go on holiday and have his relatives over to stay.

INeedThatForkOff · 19/03/2013 22:45

Not if you can fund it. We can't so IWBU to expect a holiday. So was our previous tenant, a 'friend' who wouldn't work but fucked off on holiday at the end of her tenancy, then couldn't afford to clean up after herself (touchy subject )

BackforGood · 19/03/2013 22:50

I expected this thread to be about "needing" a holiday, when you hadn't got the funds to pay for it, but, as you state you do have the funds, then let him go it's something you feel you "need" each year, and that, whilst you'd prefer to go with him, if he doesn't want to go, start investigating other holidays you could go on without him.

I don't feel I'm "entitled" to a holiday, but it's really important to me, and in the very occasional year when we've not had one at all, I've felt really sad about it.

Trills · 19/03/2013 22:54

We eat at the pub twice a week and shout everyone for rounds. Probably spend a fortune there.

Can you afford to do that and have a holiday?

Or are you doing that instead?

Trills · 19/03/2013 22:56

Sorry, you've said you have savings.

Well what are the savings for?

If you have a comfortable emergency fund then why would you not go on holiday?

Does DH not like holidays - would he find it unpleasant - or does he just not have a particular desire for one?

MidniteScribbler · 19/03/2013 23:00

A holiday is the reason I go to work. Seriously.

Ditto.

VerySmallSqueak · 19/03/2013 23:02

If he doesn't want to go,that's no reason to stop you.

2rebecca · 19/03/2013 23:03

Visiting family isn't really a holiday, too much obligation and chit chat.
I'd tell him you want a holiday and start discussing saving for it by not going out and where to go. If he's not interested look into going alone or with friends. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I didn't go on holiday because my man didn't want to. I am financially independent though (and quite strong willed and assertive)

Original poster

Uppatreecuppatea · 19/03/2013 23:04

We do have savings but DH says that savings aren't for holidays.

Well, what the bleeding else are they there for!

Drives me nuts.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 19/03/2013 23:06

How come he and he alone gets to decide what the savings are for? It doesn't sound a very equal relationship.

Movingtimes · 19/03/2013 23:09

Tell him you are starting a holiday fund and the pub visit money is being diverted into it. You will find all manner of other savings from the household budget that can also be used to swell the holiday coffers - eg swap his favourite brands for value ranges when shopping. A few weeks of this and he will probably be ready to discuss the savings situation.

WafflyVersatile · 19/03/2013 23:16

I say savings are for holidays. I am 50% of this relationship so I get 50% say over what they go on. My 50% is going on a holiday.

Bertrude · 20/03/2013 06:35

I sympathise OP. I've not had a holiday for 5 years. Every bit of annual leave in that time has been visiting the UK to see family, or a few days off here and there with family when they visit here.

People back home (not MY family, I hasten to add) think that as I live in what they consider a holiday destination, that its not necessary to have holidays and that I should use all my leave visiting and staying with family. Just because some people come on holiday here doesn't mean I don't have the usual weekend shit to deal with like bills, food shopping etc!

And that's without the debate on who gets to say what savings get spent on...

agree with 2rebecca - go away with the girls if he doesn't want to go. No miserable husband ruining it for you, and half the cost

Snugglepiggy · 20/03/2013 08:06

We run our own business and its pretty much 7 days a week all year round.We take 10 days off over Xmas and New Year and whist it's great to have a break from customers etc and I love my family dearly it never feels like a proper holiday.
Then the last few years our only other break has been based around travelling to various weddings ,to one abroad this year which I will enjoy but once again our destination has been determined by other events.
Next year we are shutting up shop and taking two whole weeks off to go where WE want and I just want to collapse with a pile of books in the sun and not follow anyone else's agenda.
TBH if my DH wasn't up for this I am so tired and run down I would go away on my own or with a friend and leave him to sort things out .But I know he wouldn't mind me spending the money.And we don't have much.YANBU but think your DH is.

BegoniaBampot · 20/03/2013 08:14

YANBU. in fact I think anyone who is working should be able to afford some kind of holiday for their family even if it's just a week in a caravan in the UK. I don't see it as being entitled or unreasonable - just that wages, cost of living etc is so screwed .

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