To want to use birth control?

[topbannana]

To cut a long story short, DH and I have recently found out that we are "extremely unlikely" to have a second child.

We are still not using any form of BC and our GP says that it is not really necessary, given our results, and has correctly pointed out that IF the unlikely were to happen then we would of course be thrilled.

HOWEVER, I am now resigned to not having another child (we have been TTC for some years now so have had some time to get my head around it) and am now reasonably happy to just be grateful for DS. It has taken me a while to get to this position and yet, every month there is that little glimmer of hope. DH is also prone to apologising and feels guilty that he cannot give me another child (the infertility problem is his)

Prior to us TTC I had a Mirena coil fitted which, despite the horror stories on MN, suited me really well and I was very happy with it. I would like to have another fitted, simply because I will KNOW then that I will not be pregnant and DH will also not be feeling guilty every month that he has not managed it.

If you were my DH would you find my wish to use BC odd? I am a little younger than DH and do work in an environment with younger people where promiscuity is commonplace. I would NEVER cheat on DH but I worry that by using BC (that the GP had said was not necessary) I will give the impression that I may. DH feels a failure as it is and I would hate for him to think I am preparing myself for "better things" (he has been cheated on in the past)

I'm sure IANBU but do not really know how to bring the subject up without causing upset or suspicion.

I can understand how you feel. We have been TTC unsuccessfully for 4 years and although we don't have children at all and are unlikely to ever get PG I was thinking the same. Struggle to cope with the small glimmer of hope every month, at least with BC will hopefully stop thinking am PG. You would think after 4 years all hope would be lost but our minds are a strange thing. I'm worried my husband will think I have given up. Which I suppose I have. Sorry not much help but wanted you to know your not alone in thinking this.

YANBU - No, I wouldn't find it odd at all, honestly.

Thank you foodtech
Someone on another post mentioned that the human mind seems to instinctively know when it has had enough and that is exactly how I feel. Indeed I occasionally look at howling babies and think "phew, lucky escape!"

I have a huge problem still with DH holding his baby GC but I can skilfully and discretely remove myself from these situations and GC is now getting beyond the tiny baby stage so it is getting easier.

I am now planning all the wonderful adventures we can have as a family without a baby in tow

If I were you I would. We have been ttc for some time and had difficulties with our sex life. We went to Relate with great success, but when we started penetrative sex again we used condoms for a bit.

The reasons were that I didn't want to be driving myself mad wondering if I could be pregnant, and I wanted him to see sex with him mattered even without the possibility of pregnancy.

Good luck whatever you decide.

We're in a similar place. Very unlikely we'll conceive (DH had mumps in adolescence) but we're still futilely hoping. Every month I go through the pattern of 'Do I feel sick? Am I more tired than normal? Do my breasts feel tender? Is this PMT? etc' and it really upsets me. Then period arrives and I cry. I've said I'll give it another year, then it'll be BC.

I don't think your DH would find it odd. The emotional mill every month is a LOT to handle. I hope you manage to have a talk about it all.

If the Mirena makes your periods lighter/less painful could you approach DH as that being the reason you are considering it ?

Yanbu but I can fully understand the need to hold onto that glimmer of hope. It must be a really horrible situation to be in - just wanted to give give a very unmumsnety hug.

Hmm! I had DC1 after 5 years of trying and help from the medical profession and so many MC I lost count. Then DC2 after 3 years, same scenario. I was told that I would not have any more children, they wouldn't give me any more help ( some due to my age) and we could not afford it. We were devastated as we had always planned a large family. Twenty two months later I was proud owner of DC3 with no interventions what so ever at 43. We weren't trying, we were just getting on with it and building a life with our other two, he is our bonus. He is 6 this year and I still don't use BC but I haven't had a full term pregnancy in that time.

Not really sure what my point is but just thought you might like to hear that they don't always get it right.

I think you do know when you've had enough. If I could just stop thinking I was PG every month then it would be ok but that is easier said than done. We've had such a difficult journey and feel like it's all too much now. We're now trying to build our life child free and pretending like it's what we wanted all along. Not easy.

I completely understand why you want the coil fitted. Yabu, and I hope your husband understands.