Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

... to decline Easter Eggs for DCs?

54 replies

HorryIsUpduffed · 18/03/2013 17:25

I think I am being totally reasonable and sane, but the reaction I got made me wonder.

As I left the house for the school run earlier, an elderly widowed neighbour asked if it would be ok if she bought my DCs Easter eggs.

They already get so much chocolate at Easter, despite our repeated represehtations to well meaning family, that we don't get them any, and still end up melting some down for rice crispy cakes.

So I thanked her profusely for thinking of us so kindly, but firmly said that they are already overprovided, so please don't bother.

She looked quite put out.

I've gone over the conversation and I know I wasn't rude - in fact I made a point of thanking her for her generosity at least three times.

WIBU?

OP posts:

Journey · 18/03/2013 18:36

Yabu. Just be thankful you know people who want to be nice to you. Her generosity was a kindness not something to be annoyed about.

Perhaps view an offer of a gift in the future as a thoughtful thing as opposed to complaining about the actual gift.

I bet you she was excited at the prospect of getting your dcs Easter eggs and you've just burst her bubble. Would it have been so hard to have said thanks that's really kind of you.

ChristmasJubilee · 18/03/2013 18:37

Get some flowers and go in to see her. Tell her you were rushed but how much you appreciated her kind offer. A good neighbour is worth a lot.

hopefloats · 18/03/2013 18:41

YWBU. A generous, probably lonely, person has been made to feel awful by you

BackforGood · 18/03/2013 18:47

Good idea by Christmas Jubilee. Pop round with some daffs and a home made card from your dc, and just apologise in case you came across as a bit brusque, saying she caught you at a bad moment and you hope you haven't upset her.

crashdoll · 18/03/2013 18:49

You were very unreasonable. Would it have hurt so much to have accepted them?

Iamsparklyknickers · 18/03/2013 18:52

Getting the kids to make her an easter card and taking it round seems like a really lovely idea. If she thought well enough of your family to want to buy the DC's eggs I bet she'd love a card/little visit from them.

Please do that - better than chocolate!

Floggingmolly · 18/03/2013 18:56

You said firmly that they were already over provided.
How bloody ungracious can you get? She wanted to give your children some chocolate, not sign them up for broadband.
Over provided, my arse. . Is English your first language?

somewherewest · 18/03/2013 19:14

YABU. She was just being kind. Possibly she doesn't have children/grandchildren of her own to give them to. Why not take them and put a few Easter eggs away till later in the year?

Catchingmockingbirds · 18/03/2013 19:14

You could take the eggs from her and give her one or two from the already big pile of eggs your dc have, you wouldn't have any more as your just be swapping them. Then the lady gets to buy some eggs as gifts and might enjoy getting one for herself too.

TidyDancer · 18/03/2013 19:18

Oh this makes me sad. Of course YABU. What a cruel thing to do. She obviously just wanted to do something nice for the DCs and you've probably really upset her. This kind of thing is so avoidable. If you didn't want them to have chocolate, just hide them.

Btw, not being rude per se doesn't mean you weren't mean. That poor lady.

FeijoaVodkaAndCheezels · 18/03/2013 19:29

Personally I think YANBU. You declined her politely and gave a valid reason.

Mind you apparently I'm odd as I think you can have to much chocolate and that chocolate isn't actually that nice (esp the cheap crap most eggs are made of).

Original poster

HorryIsUpduffed · 18/03/2013 19:37

Yes, English is my first language. Perhaps over provided for is regional, or a "weird things my family say" thing.

Hints and tips about how to react another time all gratefully received and with interest.

I am slightly gratified that some people are now saying ianbu, as that suggests I was unreasonable but not a complete bitch.

And for what it's worth, karma has kicked me in the shins since my OP, as DS(23m) removed his nappy, pooed on the rug, stood in it, and climbed on the sofa, all in the time it takes to say "what on earth are you grinning about?"

OP posts:

raisah · 18/03/2013 21:23

my dc got about 10 eggs between the pair of them last easter. I staggered opening them over the summer & also melted them for cakes. The best being toblerone brownies & double choc cake.

Dancergirl · 18/03/2013 22:15

Oh for goodness sake, have you read the other thread (about stuff that doesn't matter)??

Chocolate keeps for ages, just put them away and ration them out over the coming months.

You probably really hurt her feelings, she was just trying to be kind.

JustinBsMum · 18/03/2013 22:40

Perhaps the kids could make a nice card to take round or paint some hard boiled eggs to take round. (always keep in with neighbours imo) . If you take chocs that they don't eat (for ages) then they should really thank her and lie about how nice they were which isn't a good position to be in.

midastouch · 18/03/2013 23:25

You are being quite mean, she was just being nice. Plus you can never have too much chocolate!

ladymariner · 19/03/2013 00:28

an elderly widowed neighbour has the decency to ask, not just turn up with which appears to be a major sin to some on here, if she can buy your children eggs and you seriously have to ask if you were unreasonable to refuse? Really? Could you not have just thought that perhaps she's lonely or missing her own family, or perhaps she just happens to like your children and wants to treat them at Easter? Honestly, what were you thinking?
I agree with Christmas Jubilee, I too think you sould be popping in with a bunch of flowers and try to make amends. I'd hate to think I'd upset an elderly neighbour who was only trying to do something nice....

OkayHazel · 19/03/2013 00:52

Take them and ration them over the year? Usually takes us 6 months to get through the eggs.

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 19/03/2013 01:07

The only nice response to her question is 'Oh thank you, I'm sure they'd love that :)' She's an elderly widower who just wanted to do something nice for your kids and you slapped her down :( Even saying 'Oh there's no need' wouldn't have been very nice - it comes across as 'You aren't a friend, there's no need for you to do that'. It's chocolate, lasts ages, it wouldn't have hurt to let her do it, would it?! A couple of quid spent on chocolate would have been worth every penny to her to see their happy little faces.

zippey · 19/03/2013 03:04

I agree with people who say that your comments came across as unkind to someone who was going out of her way to be neighborly and kind to you.

I would now do something like invite her over for lunch or supper with DC's and try and make amends. Its not the most serious of situations so a nice chat over dinner or coffee should be fine, exp if you talk about Easteregg-gate.

Pitmountainpony · 19/03/2013 04:02

I am in the US, send them to me. They don,t do them here so my kids have never had one. A surplus of eggs. What a wonderful problem to have.

sweetmelissa · 19/03/2013 04:31

I have to say I feel a little sad for your kindly neighbour. Yes, I do understand you were polite and also understand your reasoning. I also understand you did not mean to be unkind, however I wonder if your words could have inadvertently caused her a little sadness.

Many people like to be kind/generous, and maybe your neighbour has no grandchildren of her own to give Easter Eggs to? I wonder if she would have have got a great deal of pleasure out of buying them and seeing your children's faces light up. As I say, I feel a little sad that she has been deprieved of that. I remember when I was unable to have children many years ago, I would look at Easter Eggs/toys and wish I had someone to buy them for...it would have given me much happiness.

I also remember when my longed for children were small, an elderly neighbour of ours with no family of her own, used to always buy them a little something at Christmas/Easter/Birthdays. I know the pleasure it gave her to buy and give...so even if the items were sometimes inappropriate or unnecessary, I always accepted them with huge thanks as I knew how happy it made her.

Those were my initial thoughts on reading your post anyway. Maybe at Easter you get your children to take around a little gift to her - chocolate, cake, flowers - I am sure that will mean a lot to her.

But I do understand you did not mean to be unkind.

coralanne · 19/03/2013 05:04

Don't beat yourself up over this.

Do what everyone else has suggested. Have the DC make her a card and perhaps a small gift.

She will forgive you in a minute.

It's not always easy for people of different generations to understand what is going on in the lives of the other generation.

Don't apologize profusely, as she will then think you are doing it because you have to.

Just say thank you for being so toughtful and thinking of my DC

coralanne · 19/03/2013 05:06

Maybe that should be thoughtful.

ArseAche · 19/03/2013 06:25

I know you have admitted BU, but I do believe you should pop round and apologise, saying you had a bad day and that it was a lovely idea, but your dc do get lots of eggs anyway, and that it was not said to offend.

My lot have many eggs and just stuff the whole lot whenever they want. Never thought twice about it. If yours are very young a little piece of choc daily won't kill, likewise ramming the whole lot in one day hasn't killed any of my teens! Plus they always share it with me, so win win situation in our house.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread