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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a routine for 10mo?

24 replies

FattyMcChubster · 18/03/2013 17:09

She goes to bed at 7 each night, start bedtime routine at 6 with food, brush teeth, change into pjs, cuddle, book, milk then bed.
This works for us and mean we get the evening to ourselves. Also it means dd goes to bed when she's tired and she sleeps through.

Some people we know have been taking the piss out of us, basically saying dd 'rules our life' because we 'have' to have her in bed by 7. If there was a special occasion I'd be happy to get a babysitter or take her and disrupt her routine for one night. Otherwise, I really feel its best for her to have her full nights sleep and the routine helps this.
The people taking the piss do have dc, similar age but they let them go to bed at about 10pm. Now, I don't agree with what they do but it's none of my business so I don't say anything. The bit that's annoying me is that they feel, because we don't do it the way they do, it's wrong and we're daft letting dd have her own way?!
I'm not bothered what they do, it's up to them so why can't they have the same respect for us?
AIBU about this?

OP posts:
PolarIceBears · 18/03/2013 17:16

If anything, I'd think you were more in control. My 10 m/o DD co-sleeps, so will have a little nap while we watch tv if up late, but will happily go to bed anytime from 10-1am then get up around 7-9. But she won't go to sleep alone, and won't go before 10 (sometimes 11).

This works for us, but it wouldn't for other people, just like your routine works for you and wouldn't for others.

If anything I'd think people would judge more for not having a routine as it's less organised/you're less in control?
I would wonder if the people laughing at you have tried and not managed to get theirs into a routine. It seems a strange thing to judge unless theres some reason behind it.

LadyMedea · 18/03/2013 17:16

I thought routines were good, and little ones should be in bed the early....

Stick what works for your family (and what is recommended for child development!).

PolarIceBears · 18/03/2013 17:18

Also having a DC in bed at 7 is in no way ruling your life. A DC still up at 10 crawling all over you as you try to relax however... Slightly more so!!!

Pandemoniaa · 18/03/2013 17:21

Well, there's the sort of routine which is routine for its own sake and there are sensible routines. Your bedtime arrangements sound entirely reasonable and, most importantly, they suit your dd. Personally I'd much rather see a baby happily asleep at 7pm than I would have them up all evening too since you are entitled to some time to yourselves.

BabsAndTheRu · 18/03/2013 17:22

YANBU I thought it was good to have a routine as well. We have a 5yr old, 2yr old and 7 month old. Bedtime routine starts here at 5pm with everyone in bed by 7pm. They need their sleep and we need some time on our own and recharge the batteries.

ChristmasJubilee · 18/03/2013 17:23

I had a routine for my three from bringing them home from the hospital. It doesn't work for everyone but it worked for me. Everyone to their own.

Kasterborous · 18/03/2013 17:24

No you do right. We do pretty much the same with our DD. Dinner, 10mins play, bath, milk, brush teeth then bed. Usually in bed for 7ish. If she goes to bed much later than this she gets cross and can't sleep. She knows after her bath it's time for bed.

BabsAndTheRu · 18/03/2013 17:25

Same here Christmas, started routine from day one.

INeedThatForkOff · 18/03/2013 17:25

Erm, I have that same routine for my 4mo. Doesn't always go to plan, but it would be mind numbing never to have a couple of hours' child free time.

SneakyNinja · 18/03/2013 17:25

Yanbu but I suspect you know that already and just want to sneak a little boast in Wink

BearFrills · 18/03/2013 17:27

We have that routine for both of our DCs, aged 3yo and 18mo, and have done more or less since birth (obviously excluding the first few weeks which were catch as can). Bedtime is the only routine we have but it means they both know when it's bedtime and by 7:30/8 o'clock DH have the evening to ourselves. We don't feel at all ruled by the DCs bedtime and if we've got a special event on such as a party or a treat (we go out for our tea sometimes) then we relax it and they just go to bed whatever time it is we get home.

Your routine sounds sensible, you're not expecting everyone else to fit round it, and you're all happy with it.

Ignore any comments, the wonderful thing about parenting is that someone somewhere will always think you're doing it wrong.

Original poster
FattyMcChubster · 18/03/2013 17:27

We didnt always have a routine but that's just how it's worked and by god am I happy I get a bit of 'me' time! However I am fully aware this could change (and does if she's I'll or teething) and its not for everyone but it does work for us so why are they making me feel bad about it? That's the bit I don't get.

OP posts:
Tubegirl · 18/03/2013 17:30

Can I hire you Grin. I am desperate for some 'us time'. As in me and DP. I mean, I hardly know you.

verytellytubby · 18/03/2013 17:31

I always had a routine for my 3. Kept me sane. My twins used to go to bed at 6. Bliss. I miss my evenings now they are older and faff around til 9.

badguider · 18/03/2013 17:33

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me but IS it stopping you doing something? I have some friends who we can't really see because their routine is so strict that pretty much anything interfers with it - lunch is out unless before midday, can't do early evening quick drink, or dinner, or anything really. It's their choice, but we miss them. However, I wouldn't ciriticise to their face, it's their decision.

BearFrills · 18/03/2013 17:34

They're trying to make you feel bad because they're so perfect at parenting that they have plenty of time on their hands and they've chosen to use that time to educate other parents ....

Really though, they're doing it because you're doing 'it' (parenting) differently to them and for some people different is bad, different suggests that they might be doing it wrong so they have to get in their first in order to prove that actually, no, it's you who is doing it wrong.

Don't let it bother you, just smile and nod and have a well-earned smug moment when your baby is fast asleep at 7pm while theirs in still bouncing around the sofa at 8/9/10pm.

Original poster
FattyMcChubster · 18/03/2013 17:36

Well it's stopping me going out to the pub every night but I'm pretty much ok about that Wink
I really don't think it stops u from doing much, probably a few things but then that's what happens when you have kids, right? I'm quite happy to put a few things on hold for a couple of months. If it was something special or that I wanted to do, of course I'd go.

OP posts:
Original poster
FattyMcChubster · 18/03/2013 17:38

Tube, you can hire me but I'd be useless Grin I can't take any credit, dd decided that's what time she goes to bed and that's it!

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 18/03/2013 17:41

I don't like routines for little babies.

By 10mo I very much like routines (even if it's a loose 'at 10ish there's milk, 10.30ish might have a nap for 45mins or 90mins)!

Balls to 'em.

Angelico · 18/03/2013 17:41

Do whatever works for you. Our DD is 5.5 months and goes to bed at 9.30pm. This is because DH and I are both night owls, we go to bed late and I hate getting up early and this keeps her sleeping till 9ish in the morning. I would rather have the lie on than the whole of the evening to ourselves.

So YANBU - unless as badguider says they are huffing because you never go out and do anything because of it. And even then if you're happy to stay home you're still NBU.

DragonMamma · 18/03/2013 17:42

YANBU

I have that routine with my 22mo and 5yo. Why on earth would anybody NOT have some kind of routine?! Having kids running round the place until you all go to bed is not my bag, at all. Special occasions and holidays, fine. Every day of the week, they need to be in bed by 7.15 at the latest.

Wishiwasanheiress · 18/03/2013 17:46

Our 10mth old didn't sleep b4 10 regardless of a traditional routine. She did rather oddly for a bit follow the way we ran our evening before she existed rather well. eventually this gave way to the other but things always change.

People get rather hung up on specifics but essentially a routine is just actions that occur at similar times every day. So, the family that doesn't bath, story, bed but does say cook tea, cuddle on sofa, put baby in basket, watch TV then all go to bed at once has a routine even if the family dont consider it one and the baby will recognise that.

HaplessHousewife · 18/03/2013 17:53

I can't really remember what happened with DD but when DS came along he got into the routine of having a feed whilst DD had her bedtime story so it naturally followed that he'd go to bed at the same time (7-7.30).

I can't remember how old he was when this happened but long before 10 months!

The last thing I'd want is a baby around in the evening Confused.

flossy101 · 18/03/2013 18:00

Yanbu.

She's hardly ruling the roost if she goes to bed when you want her to!

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