Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think bil needs to get a grip

18 replies

devon00 · 18/03/2013 14:04

I am staying with my sister for a few days. She has 2 primary school age dc and a 5 month old. The 5 month old wasn't planned and I get this feeling that bil resents the new addition.
Last night at about 10pm the adults were all getting ready for bed. BIL goes to bed early as works long hours in a stressful job with a long commute. Sister is also tired as dn still wakes in the night and she does all the night feeding/waking
Anyway I was reading in the spare room when my sister was in the bathroom. Dn was in bedroom with bil. She was gurgling away happily and I heard bil tell her to be quiet (in a shouty way) because he couldn't hear tv.
Now I know dn probably should be asleep at this time but I was a little shocked by this.
Also during the weekend i got the feeling that bil doesn't get too involved in family life. He did pick ds up from a party but left way earlier than necessary. Sister stayed home with other two.
Also we ended up going out both day with baby and dd but all bil seemed to want to do was stay home with ds watching tv/computer games etc.
AIBU to think he needs to man up.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 18/03/2013 14:55

I think you're reading too much into it tbh, maybe he was a bit short with her, but if it was 10pm it was surely way past her bedtime if she's primary school age and he was spending time with his DS at home when you were out, so I don't really see anything wrong with that

Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 15:27

Sorry not clear. He shouted at 5 month old. When we returned he was watching tv and nephew was playing on computer.

OP posts:
Catchingmockingbirds · 18/03/2013 15:37

Is he perhaps staying home to give you some quality time with your sister and nieces and nephew?

thezebrawearspurple · 18/03/2013 15:58

So he works long hours, probably hasn't slept in 5 months and said be quiet to the cause of that, not very nice but exhaustion has driven most parents to that at some stage, seriously??? Hardly crime of the century.

On top of the stress of long working hours (maybe even a very stressful job), sleep deprivation (you can't imagine if you don't have kids), he also has to put up with you for a few days. Why on earth would he want to waste what little free time he has going out with you for the day? Your sister wants to see you, not him!! Very nice of him to let you stay (with all your judging, I wouldn't have you in my house) and give you and your sister time alone together. As for him leaving to drop a child off to a party earlier than necessary (according to who?you?what do you know?), if that is true, he's probably avoiding you because he finds your judgy, critical, ignorant presence intolerable. Poor man.

You need to get a life of your own to worry about. yabvvvvu.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 18/03/2013 16:10

Woah there zebra!

Shouting at the baby is a bit worrying, IMO.

Fakebook · 18/03/2013 16:29

When you get him a grip, be sure to get yourself one too.

lljkk · 18/03/2013 16:32

sounds a bit pants to me, OP, but don't think you can do anything but grumble in private. (MN is not all that private).

Most of us are pants at least some days, anyway.

Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 16:45

I do know what it like as i do have children. It was a while ago but I do still remember. Maybe I am reading too much into things but it does concern me a little when i see my sister doing all the care for the baby. He hasn't even changed a nappy and sorting about bathtime for all 3. Sorry for dripfeed but didn't want to make op too long. Haven't mentioned anything as not my place but just looking for opinions. Maybe iabu.

OP posts:
Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 16:46

Also know sis not on mn so won't see this.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 18/03/2013 17:04

If he's working long hours then it makes sense for her to look after the baby in the night though, surely? It doesn't sound like he's doing nothing, he collected the dc from the party and looked after the DS while you went out for the day with your sister.

Yes, shouting was wrong, but I'd give the benefit of the doubt on one occasion tbh

WhatsTheBuzz · 18/03/2013 17:15

not entirely convinced 'in a shouty way' is same as actual shouting?

Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 17:20

No issue with nighttimes. She is breastfeeding anway. Just thought he could help with bedtime. I was cleaning kitchen whilst sis did bath and bed. For all 3 children. I ended up helping her in the end as baby was crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 17:21

It was shouting imo.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 18/03/2013 17:30

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time here. Sounds like you are concerned for your sister, and an inkling something may not be right

. But all you can do is be around to help and emotionally support her If it is necessary, and she asks.

Clawdy · 18/03/2013 17:36

Perhaps not much fun having a critical SIL staying with him....maybe that is stressing him a bit.

Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 18:10

Yes jamie that's exactly it. Maybe i should have posted in relationships.

OP posts:
Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 18:17

Incidently the 2 things we went to were regular activities and he never goes.

OP posts:
Original poster
devon00 · 18/03/2013 18:20

O and he admitted he was leaving to do party pick up. Wanted some quiet time to read paper.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page