Did I just have a go at a person with Tourette's?

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Ok...

Was just queuing to get into the bakery with my friend's DS in his pushchair. A group of 4 people were in front of me. One of the females was talking really quite loudly and saying "fucking" "cunt" "twat" repeatedly. Her friends were laughing at her conversation. One of her friends then purposely knocked her bag off her shoulder. She responded by calling him a fat, four-eyed cunt.

I did get the red mist and asked her to please stop sounding her potty mouth off so loudly and said little ears are present, motioning towards friend's DS. Then she went "I've got Tourette's, you stupid cow" I did face and her friend sheepishly backed her up and said that she did have Tourette's.

I really don't think that she did. My old boss had Tourette's and he didn't just swear in the flow of normal conversation. I could be wrong and if I am, I will feel shitty.

It's not the first time I've asked people to stop swearing around kids. AIBU?

[toomuch2young]

I don't know why, but I started posting on this thread because i thought their was a genuine interest in understanding TS.

But no, it's turned into one where the majority of people commenting, are spouting the ignorance and intolerance that force many of us who grow up with TS to be made to feel like out casts. Or as so nicely put above 'the wankers'.

Yes spitting, swearing, punching ourselves etc isn't socially acceptable and we don't want to do it! We have no choice. Your child isn't going to be tainted over hearing a curse word from a touretter. And you could, just maybe, use the opportunity to teach about diversity and disability. Your child won't suddenly start twitching and blinking for spending time with me, and nor has any child in my family started shouting swear words out. Why? Because they know not to, and don't have a neurological disorder that causes them to do this.

You know, working to support other families also affected by TS and I have come across families torn about from the suicide of their teenager due to tourettes and the related bullying and prejudices.

For this reason I will never, ever stop fighting for understanding and acceptance.

[MidniteScribbler]

i like the line 'oh, you dropped something' to which the usual reply is 'yeah, i don't want it anymore'

Can I have a donut? I recently pointed out to one oxygen thief about his dropped cigarette butt. He responded by demonstrating an outstanding grasp of foul language. So I followed him back to his car, picking up all discarded cigarette butts along the way. As he opened his car door, I nipped in and dropped them on the car seat with a breezy "these must be yours, thought I'd return them". The language that followed me across the car park was quite impressive, but the feeling of driving past him five minutes later while he was still picking old cigarette butts out of his fancy little car was quite satisfying.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Stop sounding off your potty mouth all said whilst having red mist.

Hardly polite or none confrontational.

If your going to pick others up on their behaviour you have to be behaving well yourself and do so without lowering yourself.

Oh and its customary to apologise to someone when you have been rude and disablist,as you were to me. But you glossed over that one didn't you despite me informing you that you trying to rip the piss out of a symptom of my disability was rude.

Or do you require me to provide evidence of my disability before you will do that?

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

Toomuch2young, do you think in the example in the OP, the girl was likely to have Tourette's? I've read this to say that she probably didn't and was just being rude. I'm sorry you have felt sidelined but I don't think this is actually about people with Tourette's, it's about people who could control their behaviour.

Swearing loudly, dropping litter, general antisocial behaviour, I'm quite pleased some people have the balls to pull them up on it.

[TheChaoGoesMu]

Really interesting posts toomuch. You talk about when your vocals were bad and you didn't like to leave the house. Does that mean that now it has improved, or is Tourette's something that fluctuates?

[toomuch2young]

mary no I don't believe the girl in the original post had TS, but I cannot be sure of this. It is not the op I was referring to, more the other comments of how people displaying such behaviours as swearing and spitting were 'wankers' etc etc. I'd far rather people were talked to politely about why they were displaying the behaviour if any doubt. Yes litter dropping etc etc is different. But I still believe education is the way, not abuse or name calling.

Just when you have had a life time of bullying, verbal and even physical abuse for a condition beyond your control, which already causes physical pain and mental torture I guess it also teaches you to try and preach tolerance and acceptance of others differences.

the chaos yes TS waxes and wanes, comes and goes. Personally I had mild tics as a young child, horrendous tics resulting in frequent hospitalisation etc from adolescence to early twenties. Now a gradual calming down enough, with medication, to be able to work full time for now, i am very lucky to have a wonderful supportive friends and also a work place which accepts my constant tics. Also despite my tics still being constant, the vocal words are less for the moment, and as an adult I have the self confidence to still go out and educate people if my tics do cause a problem, rather than hide away embarrassed as I did as a teenager.
In answer to your question, Everyone with TS is different with a different pattern of tics and waxing and waining and severity from very mild to totally disabling.

[hb84]

She was being a total cunt and making it up. 99% sure from what you told us. So, while you were not being unreasonable and should have told the cunt to fuck off, I hate the expression "little ears are present". It gives me nervous tics. Sorry!

[munchkinmaster]

What about if the group of swearers was using racist or disablist language. Not at someone but just amongst themselves. Do we tolerate people taking loudly about sp*ers and ni**ers?

[IneedAsockamnesty]

That would be an actual crime and one that's not dependant on it on it offending someone.

[munchkinmaster]

Is it a crime if it's not directed at anyone?

[TiddlyOmPomPom]

toomuch I'm very sorry you took my post to be aimed at those with TS - I thought it obvious that it wasn't. You have explained TS really well and given lots of us a better understanding of it. I absolutely do not think people with TS are wankers!! Apologies for the misunderstanding.

It is 99% likely that the girl the OP was talking to did not have TS and was merely an antisocial and unpleasant person (ie a wanker) using her scant knowledge of TS as an excuse for being rude. As you have said several times, genuine sufferers of TS tend to be apologetic about their outbursts if asked about it, plus the swearing type is rather rare.

People who are deliberately antisocial with their behaviour shouldn't go unchallenged - I don't believe you should have to ask their full medical history before asking them to stop whatever it is they're doing.
If they have a genuine issue such as TS (or like my MiL's Alzheimer's which caused her to swear a lot) there are often other clues or they will be apologetic.

[TheChaoGoesMu]

Thats really interesting toomuch. Thanks for the information.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Yes munch it would be, as long as someone hears it.

[sjupes]

I'm mid twenties and when i have the kids with me i will pull people up if they are effing all over the place whether they're younger than me or older - my kids don't need to hear foul language.

I have also told a few teens dropping/about to drop rubbish where very noticeable bins are and most have the decency to look sheepish.

Dp hates that i do it for some reason - i'm not confrontational in the slightest but a bit of respect costs nothing.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Marmalade if you don't mind me asking, what did your name use to be? Its driving me slightly bonkers trying to remember

ps. feel free to tell me to mind my own beeswax

[TiddlyOmPomPom]

Puds, clue: she had the best name on MN. Might have been bunting/cupcake related

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

I used to be Bupcakesnadcunt1ing, puds :)

Pixie, sorry I wasn't aware I had made disablist remarks about any disability of yours. Are you talking about where I made fun of an error in your grammar? I'm assuming that you're implying that you're dyslexic?

I didn't say I was polite. I said I was direct and to the point. Don't see how asking someone in a direct manner is lowering myself but you obviously have skewed ideas about social acceptabilities so you think what you like, mate.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

THANKS FOR OUTING ME TIDDLY.

I'll see you in COURT.

[TiddlyOmPomPom]

But but but but but I saw a post a week or so ago where you outed yourself! Sorry! Thought that meant you were 'out'! Oooops.
Shall I report my post? Happy to!

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

LOL! I just outed myself right after you did, you sausage! Ha ha ha ha I was JOKING!

You tit

[IneedAsockamnesty]

I am dyslexic but the disability I am referring to is autism and brain injury.

That's the whole point you don't know so being direct and to the point when you don't know is not a great idea.

By the way I loved your old name it made me laugh every time I saw it.

[Hassled]

I'm loving your work, Marmalade.

The only time I've had the guts to be an Ill-Mannered Vigilante was the time I had a right strop at a girl I vaguely know who I saw posting an empty packet of Wotsits into a postbox. For some reason I was like a woman possessed - all those precious letters covered in cheesy orange crumbs. She just stared at me.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Sorry but I didn't realise you were autistic I made fun of a grammar error. I didn't realise that I should have known you were autistic from that so if I have offended there I apologise.

LOL at the Wotsits radge

There need to be more like us, Hassled. Like the Guardian Angels that ride the subway in new York. We will stamp on any swearing, letterbox vandalism or dog-fouling (not literally) without mercy. We shall have to have a uniform.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

That's quite alright one couldn't really be expected to know from a post or a fleeting chance meeting